My hair is thinning and what I have is grey. I have a combination of my grandfather’s hair, my father’s gut, and a failing metabolism.
I’d work out to feel better, but I’ve been kinda sick for three weeks and just can’t bring myself to it.
The job is a mess. It’s not bad, it’s just not good, and not going to get any better for a long long time. My job relies on me being self motivated. I’ve been self motivated for 15 frigging years. If I don’t motivate, nobody notices. bleh.
I used to race cars. I can’t really afford to do that anymore, and if I did, it really wouldn’t do much for me.
I used to work on metal. I wasn’t very good at it, but I enjoyed it and now, it’s not doing so much for me.
The marriage is fine. The kids are great. But my feelings as to how my life is are in transition. Funny thing is, I’m not depressed. I’ve been depressed. Clinically, medically so. That’s past. I’m pretty up…it’s just there’s a calm and not much of anything to fill the time with. It’s not a mid-life crisis, but I can see how one would form from these building blocks.
I’ve been around long enough to know it’s just the calm between storms and it won’t last, but…well…
meh.
Oh, I know. That’s a pernnial. ‘You thing YOU’RE old, just wait til your MY age!’
It’s just that my life to this point has been defined by all the things I’ve learned and all the things I’ve accomplished. It feels like a bell curve, because the conquered challenges don’t seem as sweet. The things that used to define me don’t shine like they used to.
And I’m kinda sorting around for something to plug that gap. I can see where lots of people would plug it with a sportscar (done that already), a new young fling (don’t need it, the spouse and I dealt with something similar 5 years ago and it’s DEFINITELY something I have no desire to repeat.) Or a drastic change in world view.
I’ve been there. At the time, one of my colleagues who was 50 just keeled over and died. That shook me up because the guy was in seemingly good shape and fun to be around. I was thinking: “That could be me in 10 years!” Like you, my job was OK, not too challenging mainly because I’ve done everything that had been asked of me and things started to become repetitive. What did I do? I changed jobs to take myself out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t easy to say goodbye to the old job and people there, and to start anew in a new environment where I had zero history. But it was worth it. My only regret was not to have done it sooner. And it’s true that 40 is not old at all!