The Work Rant Thread - Post Your Own Toilin' Trouble

[KarlGrenze]

Temporary job: (as a class assignment) Organic chemistry tutor
Employer: Professor, I guess…

To my peers- You want my help? Do your homework! Or at least try to do it! How can I help you understand the assignment if you don’t even try it? My explanations are worth nothing unless you try it.

I understand that you may feel mad if you don’t understand the problems, but it is not my fault! I didn’t understand them in the beginning, and I went to the professor’s office hours, asked other students, cried a whole lot, humiliated myself, just to understand this stuff and pass the knowledge to you. All you do by leaving the group early and mad is hurting yourself…and giving me a reason to chuckle. Perhaps if you have done (or at least tried) your homework that was due two weeks ago, I wouldn’t feel that way.

Look…I don’t know everything that’s given in class…that’s the reason behind the group, so that everyone can learn from each other. I don’t know how to explain acid/base organic chemistry, I’m sorry to say. But it’s still your responsability to try and learn it, and if you do, please explain it to the rest of the group. I’m not Ms. Know-it-all that can give the answer to every problem, I cannot do that.

Please, students…listen to me…listen to me once…listen well and I wouldn’t have to repeat the same phrase a hundred times and make you bore. Hydroxides do not form in acidic environments (at least not in the systems we are studying), you do not separate water just by magic, either the oxygen or one of the hydrogens has to form a bond with another atom in order to break the molecule.

Peers, sometimes I’m wrong, so correct me if you notice that… I won’t be wrong, in fact, I would thank you many times… Oh, and if you didn’t want to be part of the group, then why the hell did you sign up for it??? Why, oh why??? I just hope you won’t be in my next group after this week’s exam.

[lawoot]

Company: Mental Health Provider
Position: Graveyard Supervisor - Locked Adolescent Unit

To the patients:

1. When you have medical issues every night, at the same time, the urgency with which I respond to your needs will decrease over time. Ever heard of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”?

2. Coming out of your room every thirty seconds to ask for water, paper, the Cat, the bathroom, etc. is an obvious ploy to avoid going to bed. I know this. Ask once, and I’ll put you on the list and meet your needs as fast as I can. Keep asking, and your name goes to the end of the list.

**To my co-workers: **

1. Please don’t tell the kids that you’ll have me turn up the heat in their room. We don’t have individual heat controls for the rooms, and you know it.

2. Don’t call in sick half hour before your shift. you KNOW how hard it is to fill a graveyard shift at 10:45 at night.

3. If you want to take a week off, arrange it in advance. Don’t just call in sick everyday of the week. And if you are still going to do this, don’t tell the clients that you won’t be in next week, because you’re going to be on vacation. Believe it or not, I talk to the kids, too - and they tell me these things.

4. Don’t terrorize the unit cat. I don’t care if you don’t like cats - Part of our job is to set a good example to the kids - and you kicking the cat (literally!) out of the office is NOT a good example!

5. If you’re going to fool around with a co-worker, leave it out of the workplace. Don’t expect me to cover for you when your SO calls, and you’re out fucking in your car in the parking lot.

To the human resources department:
I sent you my yearly paperwork three weeks ago. I sent you a second copy last week. Don’t tell me it’s MY fault you can’t find it - organize your filing / mail system better!

To the DayShift Supervisor:

1. I am a State registered mental health counselor, the same as you - NOT a janitor. Now while I realize that tidying up the unit IS part of my job, it’s also part of the dayshift’s job to keep the office neat, as well. So if I have a busy night, and don’t have time to tidy up - DON’T BLAME ME FOR THE MESS - it was YOUR shift that made it.

2. Since I can never seem to do it to your satisfaction - make your OWN damn coffee!

3. I (and about 80% of my co-workers) am tired of your piss-poor attitude. How about giving your co-workers some POSITIVE reinforcement for a change?

To the parents of our clients:

1. If your client is here, they don’t need you calling them up at night to bitch at them. Often, it’s YOUR lack of parenting skills that lead kids to us.

2. If you are having problems controlling your kid, then you ALL need to work on your skills. It’s not a one-way street.

3. If you’re a drug addict, who has a tendency to run off whenever life gets a little stressful, don’t blame your child.

4. If you were in a marriage that breaks up, and you decide that you are going to go for the same sex alternative lifestyle for awhile, don’t be surprised if your kids are confused, scared and angry about this. YOUR actions have consequences, too. If you go this route and start constantly badmouthing the opposite sex, and your child IS of the opposite sex, don’t be surprised if they suddenly develop an attitude.

5. We aren’t a kid dump. If the child you adopted has a personality disorder, and you decide that you can’t handle it anymore, don’t send them to us, and then void the adoption (this has happened TWICE in the last year). If you DO do this - don’t tell your child that the judge (or the agancy I work for) is making you void the adoption. The only way that WE are going to suggest breaking up a family like this is if YOU are a danger to your kids, not the other way around.

6. Don’t use your call waiting feature to avoid calls from your child - or us.

7. Visit your kids once in a while - And if you tell them that you’re visiting - follow up!

8. When we tell you that your child doesn’t have any clothes to wear that aren’t unit sweats, BRING THEM SOME CLOTHES.

9. Come to your family meetings/ family therapy appointments.

Lord, I could go on, but this is getting long…

[Flowerchild]

To : Bob Evans.

First of all , Mr. Host dont shit me buy seating everyone in your girlfriends station and giving me nothing but spite when i mention it. Dont threaten the only way I have to make a living by saying that your gonna keep everyone out of my station on purpose. Suck it up and get a life.

One down 1 to go

Second of all certain customers dont sit there for 2 hours waiting for your friends without even ordering a drink and taking up a table that I could be making money with.Then when your friewnds show up , you sit there talking for another 2 hours and order everything on the menu seperately running me ragged. Then I have to watch as your wife makes sure you left me an actual tip , and when she found out you didnt I have to watch you march up to me like a hero or something and hand me a dollar. I dont want your freakin dollar . Dont act like a hurt puppy when I insultedyour half assed tip right in front of your face. ( If you really care how I insulted his tip you can ask me)

Whoa, I feel some what better.

[Naz]

Employer: Hotel
Job: Housekeeper

To my guests:

1. If you are asleep in the morning, put up your damn “Do not Disturb” sign. I don’t like waking people up. If you don’t take my advice, and then bitch because I woke you up, I’m sorry, but it’s your own fault. Wakey-wakey.

2. Your “DnD” sign has two sides to it. One is bright red and says “Do not Disturb”, the other is bright green and says “Please Clean Room Now”. Get this straight, PLEASE!! Just because you don’t know how to put the sign on the door the right way to show me what you want does not mean that I have made a mistake.

3. If you need something from me, or if you open the door for me, or if I have to come to your room at your request to fix, look at, or otherwise see something, make sure that you are fully dressed, and everyone in the room is fully dressed. I’m sick of seeing you old freaks in boxers. You aren’t attractive. I’m not asking much, just that you be wearing a shirt and some form of pants or shorts (other than boxers).

4. I am generally a friendly, nice person. If you ask me a question, I will answer it. I will speak to you if you say something to me. BUT I AM NOT FLIRTING!! Quit telling me how much better/younger/cuter I look compared to the other housekeepers. I do not care. I am happily married. If you tell me that you’d like to have lunch with me, I will decline. Tell me that your marriage is only so-so and you’re bored, I will say “Too bad,” and walk away. If you continue, I will take your name, rank, and address, report you to the police, and also report you to the front desk, so I can try to get you for trespassing if I catch you around again.

5. You check out through the front desk. You do not leave the keys in the room and leave. Do not give me dirty looks when I inform you of this. I’m not in this job because I’m incapable of doing anything else. I do it because I need money for college, furniture, and other stuff. I’m not stupid, I know what I’m doing, and no matter how hard you stare at me, I cannot get you checked out.

To my co-workers:

1. If I do not talk to you, do not assume I’m racist (most of my co-workers are Fillipina). There is a much better reason for why I choose not to associate with you: You Are Stupid.

2. Quit asking me personal questions. You are not my best friend. I will not associate with you outside of work. You don’t need to know.

3. To my Filipina co-workers, particularly the moronic ones: I realise that, to you, it is good and honorable for a woman to be a mother. But I am enjoying being married without children. Quit pointing out pregnant guests and telling me I should be like that, because my response is going to be along the lines of “Have one yourself.”

4. But other than that, I appreciate the company you guys give, and the help we all try to give each other since this is a tough job. Thanks.

To my supervisors:

1. We weekend people are doing the best we can. Do not have us work weekends, and then, when we come into work on weekdays, hold a morning meeting in which everyone else is told that their sup-par work is okay because the weekend people aren’t doing a good job. We do the best we can, considering that we’ve got about fifteen people to cover eight large buildings.

2. Drop the managerial lies. You started out as a housekeeper, too. The fact that you’ve learned a few new tricks does not make you more intelligent; it means you were in the right place at the right time for a promotion. We’re not buying it.

3. Please stop with the “We know you’re working hard, but we need you to work harder/clean more stuff” lecutures, especially when we have to hear this shit first thing in the morning. If you want more done, hire more people. We’re all stretched thin enough as it is.

4. When you hire new people, and they leave after a week, don’t wonder why. It’s because you’re running us all threadbare, and they either don’t need the money, or it’s just not worth it.

5. I understand that you don’t spend all of your time in the office. But when you’re out and I leave you a message, check your messages before you call me to ask some dumb question that I’ve left the answer to on your machine.

6. But, for all of this, you’ve always been flexible about days off, and appointments, and things like that. You’re always willing to talk, and try to work things out, and that’s great.

To those freaking morons at the front desk:

1. When a room checks out unexpectedly, or extends their stay instead of checking out today, CALL US. We need to know these things. Not letting us know until I’ve already invested an hour into a room that I think is a checkout, or telling me that a room has left at 2:30 when you’ve known since 2:00, is a really shitty thing to do and it really slows everyone down.

2. Or, as a corollary to 1., when you’ve managed to slow everyone down, do not have our supervisor call and ask if room such-and-such is done yet because the guest are there waiting to check in. It’s not. Because of you. You can shut up now.

Oh, that feels better. I needed that. It’s been a rough day at work.:mad:

[yosemite]

This is a postscript to my previous rant about work (which has, by the way, gone down the toilet in a spectacular way. I put in my two weeks notice).

Job: Working with the developmentally disabled:
Position: Working with developmentally disabled persons in their homes.

(Sort of a modified “group home” environment, where 2-3 people share a residential home and someone is there at all times to assist them with their daily living needs.)

To: My coworker who hates cats: (The cat thing is relevant.)

Dear Pam (I’ll call her Pam): No, as far as I know, cats do not spread pinworms. I spent an entire NIGHT looking this up on the Internet, because yes, I am just as concerned as anyone else is on this issue. And since I have a lot of cats myself (and have never gotten worms from them) I wanted to know what the “Straight Dope” was on this pinworm thing.

I know that this one particular residence that we work in keeps on having a recurrence of pinworms (ewwww, yeah I know) amongst the people who live there (not staff, just the residents) but it is NOT, I repeat, NOT, because of the sweet, long suffering housecat that lives there.

This cat is a sweet cat. He never pisses or shits where he is not supposed to. He takes all sorts of rough handling and never complains or fights back. He is the best kitty there is. The fact that you are allergic to kitties is sad (and I don’t blame you from trying to avoid cats, not at all) but this DOES NOT MEAN THIS CAT IS SPREADING WORMS. I’ve never seen him have worms himself, so I can’t see how he could spread them (if, indeed, cats could give worms to humans, which you have yet to prove).

I don’t care that your Grandmother told you when you were a kid to keep the cats out in the barn, because they’d give you worms. Your Grandmother’s sage wisdom on this matter isn’t really holding any weight with me. I actually took the time to research extensively on the Internet (lots of official medical sites) to learn how pinworms were spread. Let me tell you, NOWHERE did I fiind any cites that indicated that cats had anything to do with it. Poor hygene is what does it, and the people at this one house who keep getting worms, well, they have poor hygene. You do the math!

I can’t believe that even though you admit that no, you haven’t done any research on this pinworm issue yourself (even though you have Internet access) and that yes, even though the staff nurse told you that no, cats can’t give humans worms, but you’ll still not accept it. I don’t care to hear you repeat that “My Grandma told us that cats will give you worms” as if that trumps the staff nurse’s opinion, or the opinion of many doctors and online medical cites. I don’t want to seem disrespectful to your dear Grandma, but she very likely knows Jack Shit about the subject.

I don’t CARE that you don’t like cats, frankly. You can’t and shouldn’t try to remove a perfectly nice and innocent cat from a residence because of what your freakin’ Grandma told you. :rolleyes:

[Catamount]

To the Administration: Learn how to give farkin’ directions! I do not like spending ten minutes wandering around this spacklin’ school trying to figure out where the 200 hall is. Vague “It’s to the left of where you go out’s” make me late for subbin’!

To Whoever Is In Charge of School Maintenance and the Provisions of Funds Therefore: PLEASE make sure the hallways are adequately lit and that the room numbers are clearly marked in a uniform fashion! This adds to the above problem of getting lost. Put up directional signs if you’re going to build a high school the size of an airport parking lot. This will not only help me, but the students as well. Aren’t you supposed to think of the children? With dimly-lit ghetto hallways like this, I’m not surprised kids feel unsafe at school.

To The Parents Picking Their Little Angels Up: Your car is blocking traffic out of the lot. Move it. Little Johnny/Janey can walk five extra feet from the door to your car, s/he’s been running across this mall-sized school all day.

To The Students Who Think They Can Drive: Slow down in the parking lot and pay attention to the road, not your buddy in the back seat. Hang up the <numerous foul words deleted> cell phone. Learn how to handle that 4-Runner before you get in it. If you hit me it’s your astronomical insurance that’ll reach new heights, not mine.

[drewbert]

Employer: Science museum
Job: Planetarium geek

To all little kids wearing shoes with the annoying blinking lights on them:

Please quit kicking your feet. When I want to show the audience the night sky over Las Vegas, I’ll let you know.

[amarinth]

For the most part, my job is pretty good - I like most of the people I work with, I generally like my work…

but, to my co-worker:
First, you’re horrible at the job. You lied on your interview, You lied on your resume. You are so underqualified, it is painful to have to deal with mess you leave behind you. Once we figured it out (after an idiot question 2 hours after you arrived, and yes, there are stupid questions, you ask them), we’ve had to work around you, give you busy work, cover the portion of the tasks that should be yours because you are incapable of doing them. You are a huge crack that things would fall through if the other two of us weren’t constantly watching out for it. You’re also just not that bright, so you’re not one of the people who will catch on sooner or later. You’ve pretty much shown that barring a miracle, you’re never going to get it.

Yesterday, you also lied about what you did to my workstation while I was away. Why you lied? I have no idea. Well, that’s wrong, I do have an idea since, yeah, I was pissed and it did take me several hours to find and fix part of the damage you did (some of it still needs to be repaired - because the equipment is broken.) But how could you possibly think you wouldn’t get caught, especially since the person you blamed the damage on is a trustworthy, competent co-worker who sits 3 cubicles away? Who, upon asking, told me immediately “I saw idiot-girl playing with your station, maybe you should ask her” (He didn’t use the word “idiot-girl” he used your name. ) And two other co-workers also said that they saw you under my desk. How stupid could a lie be?

It would be one thing if you were merely an incompetent liar. But no, now you’ve gone and gotten involved with a charitable organization. So you spend all day long being incompetent there too. You talk on your cellphone constantly to other members of this org - saying the same thing over and over and over. Very, very loudly. By the way, though your org. may be morally correct, (and that’s a very debatable issue), legally you’re very much in the wrong. I wouldn’t know this if it weren’t that I had to hear every detail of your dumb ass conversations where you whine about legal issues that you know even less about than you know your job. And what’s with the baby talk? You’re pushing 50. You should have moved on to big people words by now.

I am at the point where I want to call up the group that you’re against and offer them assistance, so long as it will thwart you. I’m at the point where I actively hate the thing you’re fighting for, where before I was favorable to on the fence (depending on which part of the issue you looked at). I’ve well passed the point where I’m letting your full idiocy shine through.

And for goodness sakes, don’t just let your cell ring that annoying ring, answer the fucking thing (even the sound of your stupid voice is better than that trill). Put on some shoes. And quit talking on the phone when you’re in the bathroom - that’s just gross.

[Patty_O_Furniture]

Employer: Data NOC for huge multi-billion dollar east-coast telco goliath.
Job: Metropolitan Area Network Technician

Dear customers: I am tired being one of the estimated three employees in this company who actually cares about your fast-packet line being out of service. Therefore I am announcing that, as of noon today, I will acquiesce and join the masses of bitter, spiteful “customer care” technicians who don’t seem to give a damn about taking care of the people who provide us with our paychecks.

What’s that? Our bank of T1 cards is spewing out sparks in the basement of your hospital? No problem. We’ll have a technician there some time tomorrow between 3 p.m. and the winter solstice. Will somebody be there to let us in? We promise the technician will have his tool kit with him this time - really!

What’s that? Your T3 connection has never worked from day 1? And there is nothing at our point of demarcation except for some bare wires handing out of the wall? Isn’t that what you ordered? I think I might have to send you back to provisioning, except I don’t have their phone number. Would that be okay? No? Well then please hold for the next 60 minutes while I go to lunch.

click

[panache]

Wow
This takes me back, I currently have the best job, I am a well-paid, decorator office ornament. I often ask for work, but so far have not advanced beyond unraveling the mystery of UPS overnighting…I am encouraged to play with my ethernet, hence my addiction to SDMB. Anyway, to the rant-

During college, over the summers, I was a “server” aka pancake-monkey/whipping girl at that great breakfat instituion IHOP- sigh. In my illustrious workplace, drug-use, theft, hanky and panky of all kinds was fairly standard, but despite that, I liked my job fairly well, and IMHO was damn good at it. I just have a couple pointers for restaurant-goers across the land:

When you enter a 24-hour establishment between the hours of 2am and 3am, you will encounter what is known as “the bar rush.” What this means is that you, and every other person at the bar that just threw you out, needs food.

Be Nice.

When there are only 2 of us on the floor, this clearly illustrates that our managers are motherless goats incapable of scheduling, a situation the pancake-monkeys can do absolutely nothing about. We want to bring you your food, some of us are good-natured, and others of us would just like that tip, but no one is trying to screw you.

A piece of advice: When you are drunk and are in the middle of aforementioned bar rush- do not, I repeat do not accuse your server of stealing your food. When you snatch a piece of bacon off your plate and stuff it in your mouth, I know where it went, no amount of drunk ass rambling about me stealing your bacon will convince me that I stole it.

Another piece of advice: When your drunk-ass has accused me of stealing your bacon and is not satisfied with my response do not under any circumstances threaten to spank me or have your friend do the same. I will have you thrown out with a quickness. Besides being drunk and creepy, you will also have caused such a delay in food service that I face lynching and death by drunken mob if I do not get back to my pancacke slinging duties.

Thank you for your time and attention, this concludes our essay on late-night restaurant behavior- beeep

[jackelope]

Employer: The daily newspaper
Job: On-line content producer

My job rocks. The late-night hours are rough, but that’s understandable, because that’s the only time this work can get done. A month ago I would have bitched about the Sports Desk not changing slugs on their rewrites for final, but now they’ve started doing that, so problem solved. Also they’re good about getting new slugs “announced” early instead of at 12:39 (12:40 being deadline).

Oh! I got something that bugs me! When people call up and ask for help getting around the site, or worse yet, ask, “What’s your Internet address?” C’mon, folks, it’s printed on EVERY SINGLE PAGE of the print paper.

That’s all the rant I’ve got. I have a great job. It’s interesting and modestly prestigious, and occasionally, when something’s breaking, it’s very exciting. Oh yeah, and my boss is really, really great and watches out for us as if we were his own children. He tells us, “You’ve got two vacation days left for this year, and corporate rules say they don’t roll over to next year, so I’d suggest you take them sometime.”

My boss rocks.

[80sHairMetalMaven]

Who I work for currently(although that may soon be changing):Godiva Chocolatier

My gripe:
I am a full time person who has BENT OVER FUCKING BACKWARDS for you, dear Mrs. I’m-so-fucking-perfect Mgr. I have come in early. I have stayed late. Hell…I’m the one who helped the entire staff(2 besides me at the time) survive when our previous mgr decided to up and quit for no reason at all one fine night. I would really appreciate it if you
a)didn’t give me a run around about how you don’t have enough hours to schedule ME,a full time person, BUT you have enough hours to schedule training for the fuckwits you’ve hired for the holiday season.
b)didn’t schedule me for too-short shifts at another store on the other side of the damn metroplex without asking me first. If you had asked I might have told you yes.
c)give me what I (and the other two senior staff members) am owed. Previous mgr left in mid-July and I won the July constest but have as of yet to get my stupid mall gift cert from you. I give up. It’s not worth the 25 smackeroos to keep hassling you to get it when I probably never WILL get it. Also…I know I’ve made you aware several times that the ass’t mgr as well as the DISTRICT MGR(who I expected to live up to her word…she’s a dm,for chrissakes)promised both me and the other two senior staff members either mall gift certs or movie passes when the previous mgr fled. Have not seen either of these items and would like to get them. However…after months of hassling you, I don’t expect to get them.
d)Do not treat me like I am a fuckwit with no brains.I hate that. I am not twelve,so stop treating me like I am.
e) DO NOT leave a long list of shit you want done on a busy Sunday when there are only two people scheduled. Chances are it won’t get done. And if by chance it DOES happen to get done, do not throw a goddammn fucking hissy fit because the two staff people have to stay late to finish your list. It’s not cool to have them have to stay late to do this stuff because if they don’t, you’ll throw a hissy fit anyway.
f)I know you think your baby is cute. Not everybody does though, me included even though I say I do because if I didn’t you’d throw a hissy fit. I would really like to not have to see pictures of that hairy little monkey every time I go into work.
IDBB