I am having the worst morning of my fucking life, and I am miserable.
At around 4:00am, I wake up feeling odd. I am all sweaty and I feel nauseous. Now, normally I am of the cast-iron stomach variety. I have drunk myself into incredible stupors but yet never lost my liquor. I haven’t thrown up in my adult life, and even as a child I have ever been physically ill 2 times that I remember (you know, above the infant stage). Because I hardly ever feel this way, I thought I might be seriously ill, like having a heart attack or something, but I wasn’t having any pain. I figured maybe it was just nerves, since I just went from working nights to working days, and my alarm goes off at 5:30am.
I lay there, tossing and turning and feeling bad. Finally, my clock radio (my ‘warning’) goes off about 5:15 and I sit up, since I haven’t slept. Bad move. My stomach starts heaving. By the time I really know what’s going on I’m vomiting uncontrollably. I didn’t even have the strength to get up, so I just try to vomit in one spot. Of course, this is horrible to begin with.
After I can control myself, I run to the bathroom, knocking several things over. My roommate sleeps in the main room and I’m sure I woke him up, but I couldn’t do anything about it in the dark. I wash my mouth out and feel better. Okay, maybe it was just a fluke. I don’t want to throw up anymore, so I got a glass of water and started sipping it.
I get back to my room and clean up. Fortunately, I’ve just vomited on one comforter, so I deal with the lovely task of scraping off the worst of it into a garbage can and then starting the washer. Fortunately, the laundry room is attached to my room so it won’t bother anyone.
I sit down and feel generally pretty awful so I send a long e-mail to my boss about the stuff I was supposed to do today (I’m training new employees). By now it’s about 5:40. I start to feel dizzy and I go to the bathroom and sit by the toilet for a long while, but then decide I should lie down. I go to my bedroom, turn off the lights and then, whammo, I have the instantaneous need to heave my guts out. Lucky for me, I turned out the lights so I can’t even aim or anything. As I was heading towards the bed, I double over on the bed and up comes all the water and a bit more of last night’s dinner. I think to myself, stomach, give me about ten seconds notice, would you?
After regaining the ability to stop dry-heaving, I run to the bathroom and sit there for, oh, half an hour or so. Still no urge to vomit. I’m beginning to think extracting my own stomach with a kitchen knife would be a viable alternative.
Ok, so then I go back to my bed and survey the damage. I nailed the sheets this time. Toss them in the wash, don’t even bother turning it on since I figure there will be more collateral damage.
I lie down and doze for a bit. Then I notice it’s getting light out and I get up. I need to call work.
Bad move, I guess. I start to feel it coming from the moment I sit up. I tried to head to the bathroom but another roommate was in there, so I mostly-dry-heaved into a garbage can. I do this uncontrollably for what seemed like a couple of minutes, and it hurts, and I have no control, then I even lose control of another orifice… I’ll let you guess which one. (Probably the least pleasant one to lose control of, at least at that moment.) Jesus Christ. I am the sickest I have ever been in my life.
I hastily clean up. My class starts in five minutes and I’m going crazy, but I’m still retching. More clothes in the laundry, which I start and plan to run several times. I call my employer (it was too dark to find the phone earlier) and frantically leave messages around until someone tells me my boss got the e-mail. Ok. I do some more cleaning up.
I am wondering if this is food poisoning or something, considering the multiple problems with my digestive system right at the moment. I am getting to the point where I am so miserable that I am thinking about going to the hospital or something, but now I just feel slightly queasy, and besides which I really don’t need vomit in my car. I think I’m probably overreacting. I really, really want to take a shower but I can’t really stand up that long and we don’t have a bathtub.
This freaking sucks and I am just as miserable lying down as sitting up, it seems to be changes in position that bother me. So, here’s my horrible, vile thread. Enjoy.