the worst movie I have ever watched in a long time

[JimNightshade]

Actual quote…

A collection of one star reviews: http://www.cynical-c.com/?cat=85

Woman who sing the song sound like she is feeling in pain. She yell and scream. Not good. [that’s Led Zeppelin for ya!]

[Irishman]

Could you be more clear which movie you mean? That blog lists a lot of material.

[Miller]

I liked this one from Citizen Kane:

“But it was mad sweet, the dude’s crib, but he just be pacing around like, whassup? He should have had a mad party and had mad homies and sum real ladies up in that piece. I thought to my self how could u be so rich & be so messed up, yo?”

That’s… just about right, actually.

[Chez_Guevara]

@Irishman

Could you be more clear which movie you mean? That blog lists a lot of material.

The thread title is a touch misleading.

The blog covers one star reviews of movies, literature, and music. The quote in the OP is taken from a review of the CD Led Zeppelin IV. The same reviewer also believes there is no stairway to heaven. Say it ain’t so.

Goodfellas, apparently, has ‘little to offer to a Christian-based viewer who ascribes to humanist values.’ After reading this piece of wisdom, I searched in vain for a review of Last Tango in Paris written by an aficianado of the terpsichorean arts.

[Elyanna]

Snort.

Some of these can’t possibly be real. Can they? I know a lot of people write fake reviews on Amazon. THESE CAN’T BE REAL.

On 2001: A Space Odyssey.

I popped it in the player and to my surprise it just looked like a fake documentary about monkeys with a couple of guys in really fake looking monkey costumes. Kind of like Planet of the Apes. 5 minutes in: Still monkeys. . . . 10 minutes in I asked myself “How are they going to stretch this out for a whole stupid-movie?!” I will never know. Because when a monkey threw a bone up in the air so high that it went into space and morphed into a rocket-ship I was done with this garbage. Who on earth would predict the year 2001 would be like that!? I returned it shortly after that and rented Mortal-Kombat 2 which was way more realistic with better fighting. In conclusion, you would be much better-off renting a documentary about apes, or even Gorillas in the mist, or maybe Planet of the Apes which this movie is trying to be. AVOID!! Later.

You seriously rejected 2001 in favor of Mortal Kombat 2?

On the Beatles’ Album, Abbey Road:

I heard the Beatles album “Rubber Soul”, the one with their one hit “Norwegian Wood”. . . .I always saw these guys as a one hit wonder. . . . Uh…Ever heard of a word called “Porduction”, lads? They…I don’t know when one song ends and the other stops. They have different lead singers for every song. The songs have no thru line or melody to speak of. I see here that some people gave this thing 5 stars. Hello! What? There’s a reason you never hear of these guys any more. They’re probably all living in a shack trying to live on their little checks for “Norwegian” Wood.

…

On the Great Gatsby:

The overflow of useless and uneeded information in this thing makes it several chapters longer than need be. In fact, if Fitzgerald had written this book properly (no extra junk I could care less about) it would have been EXACTLY two sentences long- “I’m rich.” and “Oh, boo hoo.”

A nice summary, though really, Gatsby’s a rather short book.

On the Odyssey:

This book sucks. I dont care if Homer was blind or not this book is like 900 pages too long. I could tell this story in about 10 pages. Homer taking all long to say stupid stuff.

It’s like Scylla comes out of the water and chomps these people out of the ship and blood showers everywhere. I almost threw up every day when we watch this movie. We watch a little each day. I am over there about to puke up my toes and everybody else, all the boys anyway, are saying how cool it is.

Priceless.

On the Sound of Music:

This movie should be called the Sound of Mucus. The only redeeming quality is that the family has to run from nazis.

On the Hobbit:

And what’s this thing about hairy feet? Oh yes, the Joy of Cooking was never mentioned as being on Bilbo’s cook book shelf in his little Hobbit house. Very disappointing. . . . And why didn’t the author stay alive long enough to defend his work from this vicious critique?

What does the Joy of Cooking have to do with the Hobbit?

On The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:

Who the hell is this Mark Twain character?! Simply put: What a lousy novel! Maybe this was his first novel…I don’t know. Anyways, I sure hope he doesn’t plan on writing anything else. I read this book, initially, in the author’s native bulgarian language…and it was even worse! The translator was probably trying to do us a favor by touching up this P.O.S. novel, but I think it would take an act of God to save this text…

Bulgarian? WHAT.

On Schindler’s List

Hey don’t get me wrong I like Holocaust movies as much as the next guy , but this one was a real let down. First of all there are no Americans . . . hey spielzy what gives, wheres are hero, schindler is no indiana jones. Perhaps he should of handed the script over to michael cricton. . . . plus it doesn’t have any great action scenes or excitement like saving private ryan.

On Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Just wanted to let people know that this album has some satanic ties.

All music does, sweetie. Apparently.

[mobo85]

Review of Sgt. Pepper’s:

This album is a rip off Pink Floyd’s DARK SIDE OF THE MOON. The beatles copied Pink Floyd and this is the reason why Pink Floyd are better

Curse the Beatles for traveling through time and ripping off Pink Floyd!

[Scissorjack]

“I like Holocaust movies as much as the next guy.”

[RealityChuck]

Funny, but it’s clear that some of the reviews are put-ons. The Beatles’ only hit song was “Norwegian Wood”? Come on. You can’t grow up without knowing dozens of other Beatles songs.

I’d also agree on some of the reviews. Some of the things listed are vastly overrated (though all are more than one star). But, of course, I could articulate my reasons much better. For Example, 2001 is extremely slow moving and has no really interesting characters except Hal. More seriously, the ending is terrible. It’s clear that Kubrick painted himself into a corner and, knowing he had no way out, threw up his hands and shined bright shiny lights to distract the audience from the fact that there was nothing there.

[Exapno_Mapcase]

The link now goes to Who’s Next. The reviews are obvious jokes.

Not funny jokes, even if the teens who wrote them sent them to all their friends so they could laugh and laugh at the horrid boomers. Yet they had listened enough to make some subtle jokes.

Pete Townsend dominates the songwriting on this album too much. Why didn’t he let Keith Moon’s talents shine? I’ve heard Keith’s solo album, and his songwriting was an untapped resource.

It’s like a literate version of the snarkpit.

[Eutychus]

@RealityChuck

I’d also agree on some of the reviews. Some of the things listed are vastly overrated (though all are more than one star). But, of course, I could articulate my reasons much better. For Example, 2001 is extremely slow moving and has no really interesting characters except Hal. More seriously, the ending is terrible. It’s clear that Kubrick painted himself into a corner and, knowing he had no way out, threw up his hands and shined bright shiny lights to distract the audience from the fact that there was nothing there.

Don’t get me started.

[Thudlow_Boink]

@RealityChuck

Funny, but it’s clear that some of the reviews are put-ons. The Beatles’ only hit song was “Norwegian Wood”? Come on. You can’t grow up without knowing dozens of other Beatles songs.

Maybe the reviewer’s from Norway?

[Scissorjack]

I have a hard time diagreeing with the reviews of On The Road, to be honest.

[mshar253]

I have to stop looking at this; some of it – like the reviews of “Abbey Road” – are just making me annoyed.