Share funny reviews that you have seen of movies, books,plays,music or anything else.Here are a couple to get us going.
On Scarlett,the sequel to Gone With the Wind
: “The good news: it could have been a whole lot worse. The bad news: it’s awful anyway”-Jonathan Yardley in Washington Post.
On a Preakness Stakes entrant: “If paul Revere had ridden this horse,we’d still be under British rule.”-Mary Hopkins in Daily Racing Form
On Spinal Tap’s Shark Sandwhich : “Shit Sandwhich”
I meant to put this in CS if someone wants to put it over there.
Sure thing.
I always liked Roger Ebert’s snarky pan of the fourth ‘Alien’ film, with this particulary shrewd incite -
You can read the rest of the review here. It’s actually more entertaining than watching the film.
J.D. Considine’s appraisal of the Swans’ body of work in the *Rolling Stone Album Guide * always makes me chuckle.
The albums Greed and Holy Money are described as being “so slow and bassy that the vinyl versions almost have to beg the listener not to switch the speed to 45.”
The song “A Screw (Holy Money)” sounds like “dance music for the extremely weary.”
But he does eventually give the band its props. The Burning World, for instance, “picks up the pace from the band’s usual death-march to a tired trot.”
The AMG review of Kevin Federline’s Playing with Fire has the best opening I’ve seen in a long time:
It doesn’t get better than that, but the rest is good.
Dorothy Parker, on Katharine Hepburn’s performance on stage in The Lake:
“She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B.”
Ebert had other great points.
But the ultimate putdown quote was in his original review of “The Brown Bunny.” It’s been pulled from his site (the director recut the film, and Ebert gave the recut version a positive review). But the original quote was:
Ebert’s written a bunch of good ones over the years. Two of my favorites:
From his review of Jack Frost:
And his review of Heaven’s Prisoners:
“According to the best theories of condensation.” Nice.
My favorite slam review: Gigli is so horrible that I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching Glitter.
There’s a whole page of these here.
Leonard Maltin on Isn’t it Romantic?
The New Yorker had a review of the last of the Star Wars movies (or the third of them, or whatever) that may just have hit me right, but I was in tears. I started losing it when he quoted some of the dialog between Anakin(?) and Padme(?) and lost it entirely when he riffed on the Yoda character’s dialog by saying, “Break me a fucking give.”
Um…he didn’t like the movie.
Best Review putdown ever, from Roger Ebert’s review of “North”:
Another Ebert classic, this time regarding [url=http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051222/REVIEWS/51220004/1023]Wolf Creek
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:
A review by TIME magazine (back in the days when they actually did reviews, not puff pieces) on an early Sylvestor Stallone movie where Sly pretends to be a sort of Jimmy Hoffa character running the Federation of Inter-State Truckers - F.I.S.T.
TIME started the review with: J.U.N.K.
My favorite Ebert review is for a movie called Mad Dog Time: “Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve upon a blank screen viewed for an equal length of time. It should be cut up to provide free ukulele picks for the poor.”
The one that always amused me, though I don’t remember who was responsible for it, was:
Species: Feces.
Dorothy Parker, under the nom de plume Constant Reader, reviewing A. A. Milne’s The House At Pooh Corner:
That was topped by a review of Species II in Newsday (which rates movies by stars), which said, essentially, that Species II was so bad they were giving it no stars and would subtract a star from Species III when it was released.
I like how this
Is considered a positive review 