A review of a new Yes album, presented here in its entirety:
“No.”
The review of Julian Lennon’s second album that appeared in Musician magazine has always stuck with me: “Well, at least he got his father’s nose.”
That was the entire review.
My personal favs from that page:
Elsewhere, if we’re going to include disc reviews, let me just include the “Musician” magazine review of Sade’s disc Quicker Than Pride…: “…Faster than Sominex.”
An old review of a new Men Without Hats album:
“You can dance if you want to, but I’ll sit this one out.”
A gaming site’s review of the Dungeons and Dragons movie was titled, “Dungeons and Dragons Movie Fails Save Against Sucking Ass.”
Daniel
A paraphrase of a review of a World War 1 wargame (I think it may have been called Guns of August):
– For a long time there have been few quality World War 1 games, as wargames about World War 1 have a tendency to be viewed as slow, static, and boring. The Guns of August does nothing to dispel these preconceptions.
I recall reading a back issue of Rolling Stone my dad had saved merely for a review of a James Taylor live album. The line (quoting from memory): “Listening to James Taylor play the Blues is like watching old people fuck.” I tried to get a cite, but, well, you can imagine the colorful websites Google sent me to.
A few others I’d forgotten:
When The New Yorker reviewed Mission: Impossible II, the reviewer mentioned the absurd punctuation of the movie’s tagline, “M:I-2,” and ended the review with “M:I-2 is N:F-ing:G.”
And when our local alternative weekly, the Memphis Flyer, reviewed a Nine Inch Nails album about ten years ago, the entire space devoted to the review was full of something like this:
A perhaps apocryphal review of I am a Camera (1955) read entirely as follows:
“Me no Leica.”
From some rock’n’roll magazine (*Creem * or Circus) in 1974:
The Doobie Brothers’ What Once Were Vices are Now Bad Habits–“What once were bad habits are now bad albums.”
Blue Swede–“The only difference between Blue Swede and a bad nosebleed is that the nosebleed is easier to stop.”
Gene Shalit’s review of the movie version of Robin Cook’s Sphinx–“Get out the rhyming dictionary.”
From the Guardian review of Paris Hilton’s album Paris Hilton:
Full review here.
That’s priceless.
A classic, of course. In the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Reiner, Richard Belzer read that section aloud directly to Reiner. Quite a moment. 
“It Stinks!” (The Critic)
Capsule review from TV Guide of the made-for-TV movie Razorback:
“Arguably the greatest movie ever made about a large, man-eating hog.”
Epocine Wildblood’s review of Illuminatus!: An epic fantasy for paranoids. 
Yes, yes, everything stinks.
There was a review of one of Ludlum’s Jason Bourne books – It might have been the Bourne Ultimatum – that appeared in The Wall Street Journal that was the funniest review I ever read in my life. Unfortunately, I don’t have a copy and can’t link to it. believe the reviewer went on to write for Spy magazine for a time. The review had things in it like “Ludlum uses 17 exclamation points on page 177 and 23 exclamation points on page 200, but that only sets you up for the 34 exclamation points he uses on page 250! They look like this:!!!”
Besides that, a friend told me about a review (I have no idea what it was for) that includes my single favorite line from a review:
“This Book fills a Much-Needed Gap.”
Written by “two nursery Nietzsches.” I just stumbled across that passage this morning.