Looking closely at the few times in my life when I’ve legitimately felt offended, they were almost always cases where someone else has taken offense at something I’d done.
Seriously, I don’t think I’ve hurt worse or felt greater pain, than when someone has said I was harming them in some way, with the implication that it was intentional.
What say you?
I catch myself often taking offense at people taking offense. I try to step back and validate my feelings. I usually can’t, at least not completely.
See, I see people taking offense over the most inane, unimportant things that it just gets on my nerves. My favorite example is people getting mad at other people for cussing. Really? All that’s wrong in the world and you’re worried that someone said a WORD? Similarly, grammar nazis. It absolutely can be frustrating trying to decipher Facebook posts, but is your life truly that deeply impacted that you feel you MUST pick apart the poor soul?
These people taking offense makes me take offense. That said, I think it’s important to see the irony in that and realize that sometimes it’s best just to sigh and move on.
I agree. The lady inthis thread? I now avoid her as much aspossible.
My favourite quote in that thread was by Aspidistra:
Man was gifted with the ability to hurt strong men through words. It’s a flawed gift in that it is not fully controllable. Taking offense to something is natural if you follow my formula: The quietest man is the best man.
You’re free to voice out as much as another man is free to react.
You sir, have offended me!
From that thread:
It’s a loop!
I am bothered by this at times, though less so than I used to be. I’ve come to realize that our first reaction will generally be to assume that something that caused us harm in some way was done intentionally, but a lot of times its not. So, understanding that people take offense thinking I meant it and knowing that I didn’t and that they misunderstood, is usually enough alleviate it.
I do still get bothered though when people take offense at something that IS intentional or a strongly held belief and I either can’t see or plain don’t agree with them taking offense at it. For instance, I remember one time where I held a door open for a woman, not even out of some notion of chivalry, she was right behind me and I’d have done it for anyone regardless of age or gender. She just went off on me about how she was independent and didn’t need me to hold the door open for her. It was a simple enough courtesy and her offense was so over-the-top, even if I were guilty of what she thought I was it wouldn’t have deserved more than maybe a glare or a huff, I’m still kind of offended by her response today and it was several years ago.
Frankly, I just don’t really understand people being offended in general. If it’s unintentional, you should understand it as a mistake and let it go. If it is intentional and it’s someone you don’t care about, they shouldn’t have the power to offend you. If it is intentional and it is someone you care about, either you need to forgive them and work it out or move on.
