Theatre etiquette: Turn Off The G-d D-mned Cellphones!!!!

I was at the theatre this weekend, which is rare for me. It was a kids movie, but one that didn’t absolutely suck. Yes, I saw ‘Cars’. I liked the movie ( what I got to see of it). I had planned this outting like an event. I bought the tickets to that showing earlier in the day, so my family and I wouldn’t get blocked out (I had a feeling it would sell out). We all had a nice dinner at Appleby’s. We then went back to the theatre and were still there in time to catch 10 minutes of previews. It was a 7:30 show, so it was still in the ‘kid zone’ of theatre times where children can reasonably be present without disdainful looks from other adults.

Were my kids bad? No…not at all. They were good as proverbial gold. No crying, no loud questions, just spell-bound enjoyment of the magic that is Pixar. It being the first weekend, the theatre really filled up…to the point where I could only see two seats left, and they were the two to my left. Behind me, I hear two voices and one asks, “Are those seats taken?”

“Why no,” I replied. “Help yourself.” How could I know that I would spend the next 2 hours regretting those words?

I guess my first clue that these Classless Bitches would be a problem was when they climbed 4 rows to get to the seats, Roberto Benigni style. But at least he had class enough to wear shoes, and not get skanky toe-jam on the back of 4 upholstered seats. Well, I guess those girls needed the publicity, so I did my best to ignore the 20-something attention-whores that had now plopped themselves next to me. Hey, I’ve got my kids with me, I’ve got my wife with me, I’ve got a first run movie starting, so live & let live, right?

The blinding twin flashs from their combined 1000-watt Razrs made short work of that however. To their credit, they weren’t making calls. To my credit, the minute they did, I was running, not walking, to management to bounce them out on their form-fitting jeans. No, they must have played this game before…and they did one of the few obnoxious things management couldn’t throw them out for: Texting.

Texting. Not annoying? I’m over reacting? How’d you like to be watching a night scene in a dark movie theatre…during a movie that has your attention and that you really want to see…when someone shines a Mag-Lite® in your face? Yes, these fucking bimbo-walkie-talkies were just that bright. And after they’d share a text picture or an ‘oh so important’ tid-bit about Bobby Ken-doll, they’d giggle, while the smell of their unclean bare feet curled the noses of everyone in 3 rows. Good God, couldn’t you leave the Borg Collective for Two Fucking Hours???

I put up with it for a while…and then I shot them a few looks. Their response? “How YOU doin’, Big Guy…?” looks right back at me. What the fuck?!? Why yes, how’d you know? Why, I always go to theatres to hit on/pick up strange, rude, and smelly women. Why, I even brought the wife and kids along to watch. Mind if I call you ‘Toe-Jam’? Oh, no reason. Except that no matter what designer crap you wear and how much you stick out your tits, You Smell Like Feet and You Act Like Ass!!! And you are ruining the whole G-d D-mned Picture!!!

You know, in an odd way, I really ought to thank them. Before this, I had no idea what I wanted for Father’s Day. And no, its not stink-footed ass. It’s the handy-dandy SH066P handheld cell phone jammer. And I can’t Wait until the next movie where I get to try it out.

New from Motorola: the JAMR

Don’t we wish.

I remember when I went to see “Return of the King”, I was sitting next to a girl who had been playing with her cell phone during the first few minutes of the movie. Fortunately, she got a clue and put the phone away.

When Shelob showed up, she got very scared and grabbed onto the person next to her. If she had been playing with the damn phone the whole time, I would have been very tempted to “walk” my fingers up her arm like a spider… As it was, Mr. Neville and I just did that to each other during that part of the movie.

Last time it happened to me, I was so startled I accidently spilled my entire $8 tasty beverage in their laps.

Did ya get the one with a free refill?

Okay, how fucking disgusting is the idea of going bare foot to a fuckin’ movie theater? Jesus, just the idea creeps me the hell out.

Where do you think the ooze on the floor comes from? :smiley:

I don’t walk around in my own house barefoot. I cannot imagine going to a public place, especially the filthiest of the filthy floors - a movie theater without shoes.

When did they start letting people into public places without shoes? That seems to create a ridiculous liability for the movie theater!

I go barefoot at home whenever I can.

But the thought of going barefoot in a movie theater… eeeewwwwww…

What a delectable idea. I’m filing this away for later. Thank you, sir/madam/anonymous internet denizen.

All I have to say is: We’re not in Kindy, you can use swear words in The Pit. Don’t insult yourself and us by “blanking out” letters in the hope we can’t identify the Naughty Word ™, or that by missing out a couple of letters it suddenly becomes a Totally Harmless Word ™.

And if you’ve got some weird religious hangup about using “God” and/or “Damn” in print, then you either need to avoid The Pit entirely, or find other words to express your frustration with.

Otherwise, a perfectly valid, but all-to-common, rant about the cinema these days…

Martini Enfield- we have some lovely posters who do indeed have a “weird religious hangup” about writing words relating to the Deity. They’re Orthodox jews, and they fit in just fine in the Pit. cmkeller and zev_steinhardt write great rants, and usually have something worthwhile to add to the argument.

I for one would prefer that people felt free to use the Pit in whatever way they want, and if that means that some of their insults need to be tempered a little, well, so be it. I have no idea what religion, if any, Count Blucher subscribes to, but if he doesn’t want to use some words, it’s fine by me.

You have now been returned to your scheduled rant

I would go barefoot all day, every day if I could. Excepting hot roads, gravel and other nasty sharp things there is nothing wrong - so you get dirty feet? Ever heard of soap and water???

And BTW, what makes feet that have been outside any dirtier than shoes? At least in my bare feet I know instantly if I step in what the dog left behind, or other gorss things - no such luck with shoes (except for smelling the offending material)

I like going to the theater here. No problems with ooze on the floor. Everyone has an assigned seat (the tickets are sold for a particular seat, not just any ol’ seat), and the folks take their trash with them at the end of the movie. Honestly, it’s really surprising that it’s so clean what with how much Koreans litter outside of the theater. As for the cell phones, the last advertisement before the previews is a very funny one advising people to take out their cell phones and ensure it’s in “etiquette mode.” And whenever I’ve seen anyone check their phones during the show for what the text coming in says, they’ve ducked down so the screen light doesn’t blind anyone.

Totally different world here between inside the cinema and outside the cinema.

I don’t understand people who walk around outside of their house without shoes on. That’s just gross, and it makes me almost hope they step on something and get some Horrible Foot Death from it.

Texting during a movie? Eh. I personally don’t, but if the light from their phone is that bothersome, either you’re too close to them, or you’re too sensitive to light. not a big deal.

Sounds like the OP was sitting right next to these, er, “ladies”. That’s pretty close.

I’ve had a different experience, Ninja. I find cellphone use (yes, even for texting) very distracting during any performance in a darkened room (film or live theatre). The backlights on most new phones these days are BRIGHT.

I’ve given up on the “evil eye”, Count Blucher. I pierce their little virtual bubbles and ask them politely but firmly to stop. That’s usually worked for me, but then again, it’s live theatre where they WILL kick you out for making such a distraction.

Seconded. I wash my feet at leastonce a day. I very rarely wash my shoes.

While I probably wouldn’t go barefoot to the movies myself, I don’t see it as too much of a big deal… but then again, I wouldn’t have been overly distracted by the texters either. Personnally, I think a lot of the people that get overly upset over things, including talking in the theater, should just learn to relax. People talking (to each other, or even on a cell phone) in the theater don’t faze me a bit… I just tune them out and concentrate on enjoying the film.

With regard to the missing letters: there are some people who, for various religious backgrounds (I can name two off-hand), would be enraged by that phrase. If Og Damn works better here, I can adjust. I just didn’t want the thread to spin off into a “so why do you hate the baby Jesus?” type of direction.

I also showed that post to a friend who warned that it could be seen as Misogynist. In my own defense, I need to say that I would have been just as offended if an unwashed man pulled that stink-footed texting crap next to me.

Also, I don’t hate bare feet. I guess that have strong feelings that feet should be scrubbed clean enough to smell no different than say an elbow if out in a public place. But in summertime, all it takes is a bus or subway ride to know that unwashed really stinks, no matter the body part.

In live theatre, people who text message have been dubbed “fireflies.” I hate them.