In a story I’m working on, two characters – a grown man and a teenage boy – are arguing. At the beginning of the argument the man remains calm, brushing off being called a thief, liar, coward, & punk; but when the boy calls him a rapist he loses his temper and gets physically violent for a second before regaining control of himself. When he responds verbally, it’s clear that of the five insults, *rapist[/] is by far the one he considers the worse.
Looking this over, Kim the Rhymer thought this was odd; to her mind, a fortysomething black man would be more likely to lose his temper over “punk.” I obviously disagree, not merely because it’s a plot point in the story but because I’m an almost-fortysomething black man, and “rapist” is the accusation that would be most likely to cause me to say, “That’s enough, brat. Either shut your mouth or put up your dukes.”
Which brings me to the thread question: Are there any insults or accusations that are “fighting words” for you? What are they, and why?
Please note that I’m not saying that you approve of fighting over words; I’m looking more for your appraisals of your personality and temper.
If you want to note your sex, gender, and approximate age in your answer, I wouldn’t object. But if you wanted to keep those out of the discussion, I wouldn’t fight you over it either.
In my neighborhood, it can mean “homosexual” – no, I should say “faggot” – quite as easily as it means “inexperienced young man” or “repellent fellow.” When black men are using it as an insult, it’s typically along the lines of “faggot,” and if you use it to someone’s face it’s shorthand for “Someone needs to kick your ass.”
Frankly, in my opinion the grown man’s getting so mad over “rapist” actually makes him look like either a rapist or rapist-wannabe who doth protest too much.
It’s been my experience that in one-on-one situations people are more likely to get angry over being called a liar, thief or coward than they are of being called a rapist – within the context of argumentative name-calling, that is. Accusations of rape that carry the potential for legal repercussions is another story, but that doesn’t appear to be the case here.
Male, 53. There’s no such thing as ‘fighting words’ to me. I’ve never had anyone say anything worse to me than my Dad or my friends would, so we can figure they’ve made me essentially immune to verbal insult. Some of my friends once watched a guy try to make me angry by repeated verbal attacks. I was so oblivious about it that I kept laughing at everything he said and agreeing with him. When he called me insane, I just roared again and jibed, “No, no, you’re wrong…it’s a persistent developmental disorder.” (That’s a longtime favorite joke between a friend and me.) My friends finally burst out laughing and explained to me that he was trying to insult me. All I could say was that he was going to have to try a LOT harder. (He got *really *pissed at that point.)
There’s very little I, as a woman of 33, would actually fight for when it comes to words, but calling me a liar when I am telling the truth will pretty much make me never want to speak to you again.
That’s mature. A 40 YO man scrapping in the street like a kid. Why? Him calling you such doesn’t make you so. My mother called me a whore to my face. I wasn’t. I’m not now either.
I understand your not wanting the thread to go off track, but since you mentioned it I think I’d be more likely to laugh if someone were to call me a rapist within the context of some general name-calling argument. I’d only get fighting mad over it in the event that it carried potential societal or legal repercussions; otherwise I’d just think it was silly.
Thanks for the explanation, Skald. Did not know that!
Yeah, it’s an odd thing to call someone as just an insult. “You’re an asshole!” “Shut up, you faggot!” “Oh yeah, screw you, you…you…RAPIST!”
The only situation I could see someone using “rapist” is if there was some situation where the accused did rape, or was thought to have raped. It’s really random just to use “rapist” as a generic insult.
I learned a lot working Security and from my failed marriage and broken friendships.
People use words to cause pain. They want you to react badly, because then they can point back at how you react in order to label you the bad guy in the exchange.
Nothing bothers people more than when you laugh at their angry words. Got someone trying to push your buttons by saying things they know hurt you? Laugh at them. Got some drunken punk calling you names trying to provoke you? Smile real big and laugh. Don’t throw words back at them, don’t try to provoke them in response, just laugh.
Mika, I didn’t say I would get into a fistfight over being called a rapist. I said that I would interpret it as an attempt to get me to throw a punch, which I would almost certainly ignore. And, if it were one of my neighbors, they wouldn’t phrase it so clinically; it would be more like “the only way you can get a woman is to beat her down first.”
Like I said, I’d be TEMPTED to get into a fight over that, but I would not be likely to do it. But my objections to violence are practical rather than philosophical.
Note to self: do not mention stories in posts unless you intend to actually discuss same.
It’s not a random or generic insult. The kid is calling the man a rapist because the kid BELIEVES the guy raped his sister. He says something akin to “What? You don’t like hearing the truth? I’ll say it again. Punk. Liar. Coward. Rapist.” Kim’s objection was that she thought the man might start hitting at the word “punk.”
I don’t think mere name-calling would provoke me to violence. For me it would take a physical assault or threat against me or my family.
If I were to be goaded into violence by words alone, it would much more likely be caused by seeing some kind of verbal abuse of my wife or children than myself.
Of course. context has something to do with it too. If someone calls you a “punk” in prison, you have no choice but to fight.
I’ve been called lots of names; I’ve even had my life threatened a couple of times. Never have I felt the need or desire to attack whoever’s lips are flapping. I agree with Chimera - laughter is the best response, then walk away. If you punch the guy, what are you going to say when the cops come? “I had to hit him, officer - he called me a bad name! No, really, it was a very bad name!” :rolleyes:
Well put.