There are no more new user names available on Match.com

[Dragonblink]

@Giraffe

… or the one where the green-haired girl with genital warts never puts enough foam on your latte?

How sad is it that my first thought when I read this was, Green hair is against Starbucks dress code. You can take the barista out of the Starbucks, but …

[Weirddave]

Just for gits and shiggles, I went and tried to register. Weirddave was taken, but they suggested Weirddave243 (there are 242 more of me out there?), weirddavenoogums (Noogums??? Am I to be matched with a 14 year old girl, then?) and smoochtiepooh.Smootchie fucking poo? I also have a hard time believing that one isn’t taken. Oh, I see, it’s Smoochtie pooh. What woman would answer an ad from someone calling himself smoochtiepooh?

[danceswithcats]

Dude-you are definitely non-noogums material.

[Lord_Ashtar]

@John Carter of Mars

I’m not trying to be a smartass here, but please tell me something. I travel around some, and get to DC for a few days once every year or so. Nowhere have I noticed such a disproportionately large number of attractive single women as there are in the DC area. At least this is true of the bars I’ve been in. Most of the women I’ve run into there are friendly, intelligent and seem altogether acceptable.

If bars aren’t your thing, the same should be true of museums, bowling alleys, churches or 'possum races.

Why, fer shit’s sake, would a guy living in the DC area try to find someone online when there’s such a wonderful selection wandering around in the neighborhood?

So the first few you try don’t work out. The same will be true with meeting someone online, and believe me, it’s a lot more fun checkin’ out the prospects face-to-face than it would be checkin’ 'em out over a computer!

Can you show me the flaw in my reasoning? Why do you think online is better than the girl that’s right next door or just up the street?

I just haven’t been having good luck lately. The bar scene near my place is kind of played out, and it seems that most of the girls I’d like to get involved with are married or taken.

I did just meet a cute girl at a party Saturday night (and I think she digs me, too). I hope to “run into” her at a bar on Wednesday.

[elmwood]

From a Match.com search for lord_ashtar :

Oops! Was that username spelled correctly?

Try again, and if you still receive this message, the member you’re searching for may have a hidden profile or new username.

I think I just found you a username. You’re welcome.

[elmwood]

@ultrafilter

I’ve been told that this is the standard eHarmony marketing technique. Give it a week or so and they’ll probably send matches.

Beats me. I got rejected my eHarmony. From the site:

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

From an Pasadena Star-News article quoted on the eHarmony Web site:

Warren says more than 350,000 people who have taken the personality test have been denied access to the service. He said people are rejected because the test showed they were not emotionally healthy, or because they tested to be especially "obstreperous,’ the eHarmony description of a person who’s difficult to live with.

I guess that means I’m unloveable, huh?

[scr4]

@elmwood

“We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.”

I got that too, then they started sending “matches” by e-mail a couple of days later. I think they do this to give you the impression that they are very selective about their choice. (I didn’t become a paying member - at least not yet - so I have no idea how well it works.)

[tdn]

@Giraffe

I’ve never used Match.com, but I’m going to give you a list of three usernames right now, and I guarantee you at least one of them will be available:

1. scabby_penis69
2. LookinForWarmHolesToStickItIn
3. GotGonorrhea?

You could try LookinForWormHolesToStickItIn and see how many space faring transdimensional babes respond.

[tremorviolet]

@scr4

I got that too, then they started sending “matches” by e-mail a couple of days later. I think they do this to give you the impression that they are very selective about their choice. (I didn’t become a paying member - at least not yet - so I have no idea how well it works.)

Same here. Initially rejected and then sent matches a week later. And then agian and again, dropping the proposed rate numerous times. I didn’t really mind being rejected; I filled it out for amusement and don’t really like a lot of what I’ve read about the site. I don’t think being “obstreperous” is such a bad thing. (of course, that coudl explain why I’m still single tho’ )

[Anaamika]

@scout1222

You two should take this act on the road.

How about stand-up? This is really funny.

it’s not like I can explain why I’m giggling anyway.

[calm_kiwi]

My brother’s online name is ivanichianus2. Apparently people still talk to him. :eek:

[Green_Cymbeline]

@Lord Ashtar

So, any cute, single female dopers with low standards out there in the DC metro area?

Hi, cute single female doper from the DC metro area here! Judging from some past boyfriends, one might say I have low standards! hehehe. However, I’m working on it!

[Green_Cymbeline]

@elmwood

I guess that means I’m unloveable, huh?

No, it means you’re not the generic, cookie-cutter robot that eHarmony is looking for.

[Shirley_Ujest]

I have given loads of thought to your dilemma and have carefully thought of the following usernames that may work:

**The Donger
1982Camaro
MulletMan
TrailerParkTom
UberTroll
ScaryClownFaces
Car_full_of_scary_Clowns
Its_In_Da_Hole
Nearsighted_Dorkarama
Lives_With_Mom
Sheep_Farker
Gerbil_Stuffer
10Inch_Cuke
Barbie-Doll-Collector
Likes_Longeberger
Was_Featured_On_Cops
Shut_The_Fuck_Up&Cook_Me_Something_Bitch

**

Hope this helps.

[Lord_Ashtar]

@nyctea scandiaca

Hi, cute single female doper from the DC metro area here! Judging from some past boyfriends, one might say I have low standards! hehehe. However, I’m working on it!

Uh oh, I’m a little out of practice here…how does this work?

So, nyctea scandiaca, how you DOIN’?

Dammit, that’s not right!

How YOU doin’?

There, that more like it.

[Lord_Ashtar]

@Shirley Ujest

Shut_The_Fuck_Up&Cook_Me_Something_Bitch

I like this one.

[Mtgman]

@Shirley Ujest

I have given loads of thought to your dilemma and have carefully thought of the following usernames that may work:
…
Lives_With_Mom
…
Hope this helps.

This one is also taken. I registered it this weekend after a fling that I hope Giraffe never finds out about[sub] at least not until after family gatherings for the holidays are done.[/sub]

Enjoy,
Steven

[Green_Cymbeline]

@Lord Ashtar

Uh oh, I’m a little out of practice here…how does this work?

So, nyctea scandiaca, how you DOIN’?

Dammit, that’s not right!

How YOU doin’?

There, that more like it.

I’m doing great. How YOU doin’??

Hey when you get your Match profile up, link it here! I wanna take a look!

[Giraffe]

@Mtgman

This one is also taken. I registered it this weekend after a fling that I hope Giraffe never finds out about[sub] at least not until after family gatherings for the holidays are done.[/sub]

Nah, mom put it up on her website about fifteen minutes after you left. She has all your stuff in the “chicks with dicks” section, in spite of my protestations that you are way too hairy to pass for a chick, even with the big boobs.

[Lord_Ashtar]

@nyctea scandiaca

Hey when you get your Match profile up, link it here! I wanna take a look!

Will do.