There are no more new user names available on Match.com

[Mtgman]

@Giraffe

Nah, mom put it up on her website about fifteen minutes after you left. She has all your stuff in the “chicks with dicks” section, in spite of my protestations that you are way too hairy to pass for a chick, even with the big boobs.

You’re just mad that the hit counters on my page are higher than the pages with you on them. Although I must admit that picture of you that used to be on goatse.cx seemed to get a bit of traffic.

[Green_Cymbeline]

@Lord Ashtar

Will do.

Lookin’ forward to it! Maybe I will send you a “wink!”

[Giraffe]

@Mtgman

You’re just mad that the hit counters on my page are higher than the pages with you on them. Although I must admit that picture of you that used to be on goatse.cx seemed to get a bit of traffic.

I think you’ve got me mixed up with my brother. And you’re dreaming if you think you get even close to the hits he does. He is an Internet celebrity. You’re just some hairy guy who talks on his cell phone during sex. (My mom was sort of pissed about that until I told her you do it to everyone, not just her.)

[bughunter]

@Lord Ashtar

I like this one.

But not as memorable as GetYourBitchAssBackInTheKitchenAndMakeMeSomePie2484

[Mtgman]

@Giraffe

I think you’ve got me mixed up with my brother. And you’re dreaming if you think you get even close to the hits he does. He is an Internet celebrity. You’re just some hairy guy who talks on his cell phone during sex. (My mom was sort of pissed about that until I told her you do it to everyone, not just her.)

Damn, how many members of your family have I shagged anonymously through stall walls? Guess I should start keeping track. The instances where the hole in the wall is smaller than the hole on the other side are probably all you guys. Family resemblence and all that.

[elmwood]

@nyctea scandiaca

No, it means you’re not the generic, cookie-cutter robot that eHarmony is looking for.

So, how YOU doin’?

[Shirley_Ujest]

Other names that may work:

HelloFatCoont
StinkyFat
PimpleBoy
Mr.Masterbater
Drives_A_Pinto
Mr. Sansabelt
Mr. XXXXL
PamperMeNow
Rub_My_Stinky_Feet_Slut

[Metacom]

StomaMan
NeedleTracks
EverythingInTheDSMIV
RejectedByEHarmony
Faecephile
TubBoy
BasementDweller
Shingles7231

[Eolbo]

BiTcHB3aT3R is possibly available.

[Shirley_Ujest]

StromThurmon’sLoveChild is still available.

[Giraffe]

@Mtgman

Damn, how many members of your family have I shagged anonymously through stall walls?

Four, if you count the pig we bring along when we’re not in the mood.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Hmmmm… Let’s see now…

Bobbitt_Boy
Eunuchelhead
Got_Herpes
GynoRooter
400_Pounds_O_Lust
Wimpenility

[Dunderman]

He said people are rejected because the test showed they were not emotionally healthy, or because they tested to be especially "obstreperous,’ the eHarmony description of a person who’s difficult to live with.

Damn. What did you put? “Enjoys mutilating small animals for fun and profit”?

[Lord_Ashtar]

@nyctea scandiaca

Lookin’ forward to it! Maybe I will send you a “wink!”

Check your email when you get a chance.

[lezlers]

@Shirley Ujest

I have given loads of thought to your dilemma and have carefully thought of the following usernames that may work:

**The Donger

Car_full_of_scary_Clowns
Shut_The_Fuck_Up&Cook_Me_Something_Bitch

**

Hope this helps.

You know, those two names would actually make me laugh and want to talk to the guy.

I suppose it’s no suprise then that I’m single…

[MaxTheVool]

@lezlers

You know, those two names would actually make me laugh and want to talk to the guy.

I suppose it’s no suprise then that I’m single…

Well, speaking as a guy, if I saw a woman on match.com with the username car_full_of_scary_clowns I would be SO happy to see something original and funny, rather than SunnySFGirl74 and DanceWithMe999

[saramamalana]

@EddyTeddyFreddy

GynoRooter

clench

[buns3000]

car_full_of_scary_clowns has me ROFL, for some reason… Better get there quick if you want that one.

[Green_Cymbeline]

@Lord Ashtar

Check your email when you get a chance.

Got it! Good profile, thanks for sharing

[drachillix]

My turn

PervyHobbitFancier
8seconds
RatherBeJackingOff
WhatsThisRash
DoneIn60Seconds
LetsPlayBlowTheAbusiveAlcoholic
RejectedByMyRealDoll
JustParoled
NoJobNoSkillsNoAmbition
GaryColemansPunchingBag
JanetRenosBoyToy
RealMenDontUseCondoms
IllCallYouMommyWhenICome