There is no news today.

Well, there is one story. A metal finishing plant in Glendale is burning. “Three-alarm fire”, according to KTLA. There’s helicopter coverage on KCBS, KNBC, KTLA and KABC.

I guess absolutely nothing else is happening in the world today, as the fire is the only thing being talked about on all of the channels.

Okay I know a big fire with industrial chemicals involved is a big (local) story. But is it big enough to be the only story? They’re showing the fire. They’re telling people there is a fire. They’re saying over and ofer again that there’s a fire. “Look, there’s a fire at a metal finishing plant in Glendale!. Yeah, the fire is in the building, which is a metal finishing company. If you look at the television, you’ll see that there’s a fire. If you live in the area, you’ll see the fire. You can also smell the fire if you’re close enough. 'Cause, y’see, there’s a fire. In Glendale. It’s a metal company. Here’s a view from a freeway camera. You can’t see the fire, but in the upper right corner is where the fire is – although you can’t see it. Right! There’s a fire in Glendale! A big one! It flared up, but then it died down. Now it’s flaring up again. You know, there are acids and cyanide in the building. The water is washing them all over the place. We don’t actually know what chemicals are in the building (which is on fire), but they’re bound to be bad. For those of you who are miles away from Glendale (which is most of you), be sure not to come to Glendale and touch any of the water that is being used to fight this fire. If you look now, you can see that there is smoke coming from the fire. The smoke is dispersing as it goes south, but then that’s what smoke does; innit? It disperses. Here’s a ground shot of the fire in Glendale at the metal finishing plant. Okay, now here’s the helicopter shot again…”

What about that guy they were going to execute last night? Have they determined if the voice on the tape is really bin Laden? How’s the economy? Were there any murders or robberies in L.A. overnight? What’s the weekend forecast?

If you go by the local news on all of the channels, the only thing of any interest that has happened is a building caught fire.

This just in!

The company bonds rubber to metal for the aviation industry!

Also, the metal (I assume the frame of the building) has melted.

Fascinating. I’m glad this fire happened, else what would the morning newsies talk about with nothing else going on today?

well of course thats much more important than the massive upheaval the chinese government has just undergone…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/2479181.stm

Yeah, but the Chinese thing was expected. That makes it not ‘news’.

And I’ve always found the LA news services to be fairly provincial, anyway.

And what about the huge news that mickey mouse is Austrian?

Well, given that lots of people thought Bush’s election wasn’t really legit (what with the Florida recounts and all), I guess the successful military coup in D.C. was kind of ho-hum. (I wonder if the Provisional Council for National Renewal will cut our taxes?) Frankly, the Madonna-Michael Jackson wedding story is just lame anyhow–I’m so tired of hearing about celebrities private lives. Uh…lessee…You never wanted to see the Eiffel Tower anyway, right? Anyhow, there’s still plenty of pictures and stuff. (Darned metal fatigue.) I would have thought they’d have run an item on the big earthquake, just out of sympathy and all, plus it was pretty unexpected–I didn’t even know there was a fault under Dallas-Ft. Worth, plus I thought giant cracks in the ground that opened up and swallowed things only happened in the movies, and that the Richter scale topped out at 10.

I am a little surprised they didn’t mention the alien spaceship, but I guess they don’t want to cause a panic.

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