There is no virtue in singlehood.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
141

[QUOTE=devilsknew]
Preface: Admittedly some of what I am writing is hyperbolic and a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I’m using it to cut to the chase and express the truth of the OP while simultaneously serving as a cautionary tale to people who might be headed down this road (Get back on the HORSE!).
[/quote}

… I am realistic about the fact that I am a fat, slightly balding, thirty-something on psych meds, that lives with his Mother. And ya know what?..so are women. Unfortunately, no matter how charismatic, or funny, or down to earth, or intelligent, or normal I am, the simple fact is that 99% of the time I am rejected in the dating game because of superficiality. [/quote]

Nothing is left of what used to be a happy go lucky giggling loving girl. Where my heart used to be, there’s nothing but a scarred over hole.

I’d had my heart broken in the past, but this last time out, it was ripped from me, pureed and then incinerated.

After a long period of unimaginable pain and heartache I finally reached a place of complete apathy. I feel absolutely nothing toward men. Not bitterness, not desire, not hate, not love. Nothing.

And you know what? I’m grateful for the nothingness and apathy, for while I’m pain-free NOW, I very much remember the worst time of my life.

If a spark of something ever raises its head again within the space where my heart used to be, I don’t really know what I’ll do.

Give it a chance? I don’t know, maybe. Mostly I just feel either fear, or just very very tired.

I didn’t say all that for you to feel sorry for me. I said all that to say that the man, the one who left me feeling like a hollowed out shell is fat, an AR geek, and he lives in a duplex with his mom as the renter next door. He’s got apron strings that stretch for miles.

Your lack of dating has nothing to do with your looks and status and EVERYTHING to do with your attitudes TOWARD those things. You sir, are the one being superficial. And while we’re at it, what sorts of girls do you “accept” as dateable?

Would you accept a fat girl, one who still lived at home, a homely girl? Too many men who have this “problem” of not getting any dates, well what they really mean is they don’t get any dates with the hot girls.

And then they’re doing the same exact thing to women, that they’re accusing women of doing to them.

The bottom line is that what is meant to happen will happen. However, a person can very well screw themselves over by how they approach things.

I might heal, or I may stay feeling safer alone. Whatever happens, I won’t ever blame “men” for what happened to me with “Luke”. I don’t even blame Luke for what happened to me with Luke.

And that’s the other thing I disagree with in your post. In love, it ISN’T just a matter of any ole warm body will do. There is that elusive, sneaky, frustrating thing called “chemistry”.

“IT”, whatever “it” may be, just isn’t there between any two people. Like a lot of people, I don’t always know who may or may not have that chemistry with me. But I do really know when there is, for lack of a better term “anti-chemistry”.

And finally (I know I already said bottom line, sorry). Like my mom always says “it’s far better to be alone than to WISH you were” (as in by being in such a sucky relationship that it’s hell on earth).

142

I love my Mother, we lost my Father a year ago today. It is important that I do what I need to do at this point in my life. I am sorry that you were treated poorly by somebody that matches my desription. I am not that man.

I will only say that of the 1% of women (3 particular women) that keep me from being bitter and reassure my belief in humanity are, as a subset, 66% BBW’s. I find them all equally beautiful. I respect them equally and find them all physically beautiful. But beyond that, I was stimulated by their genuine kindness, beauty, and intellect. I also have deep regrets that I hurt one of them terribly.

My formulation on “chemistry” was dichotimous and ironic in obvious reference to Stranger on a Trains pining for the Fjords. I was trying to make a point to some of the more lovelorn and resigned, such as you and I. The truth is we must proceed, period. Many people promise themselves “never again” and become hold-outs. They rationalize with all kinds of reasons and either become trapped by their delusions of Love or search for something that is unrealistic.

143

You completely missed my point. You stated your fatness and the fact that you still live with your mother as reasons that you believe that women reject you.

The greatest love of my life was a fat man with a rather over the top sense of duty to his mother (whom I also love).

The pain wasn’t from him treating me poorly. The breakup was hard on both of us. It’s complicated, but the bottom line on it is that I was ready for a marriage, he just wasn’t ready to do that yet.

Anyway, my point was not how in pain I was, but the fact that yes, women will indeed love men who may be fat, or bald, or hung up on their moms.

Well, why aren’t you going out with one of them? Or another of the 1% of women that you believe are “worth it” (paraphrased). Let’s see, I’m horrible at math, but 1% of 3 billion what is that? 30,000 or something? How many women do you need as your soul mate anyway?

Sorry, I’m not trying to be mean, but it is your attitude, not those women who have wronged you that is the problem. And we’ve all been wronged by the opposite sex in a myriad of ways.

Sorry I missed that post between you and stranger. What I meant was that a person can’t decide because they’re rejected by someone that it’s something wrong with them, and that that means all is lost. Not everyone is meant to be with just any other person.

I’m not sure if it’s so much that I’ve told myself “never again”. Unlike you, I’m not beating myself up because of things that are supposedly keeping me from “getting” a man. That, however IS what you appear to be doing. Maybe you’re not, but your posts of “I’m just being realisitc, I’m fat and bald and live iwth my mom so of course no one will love me” seem to suggest otherwise.

I don’t mean to sound mean, but it appears as if you’re your own worst enemy. Your circumstances have much less to do with your aloneness than your belief that they mean you’ll have to be alone.

Overweight can be changed. Living arrangements can be changed. But how you face those things, that is what will or will not make you attractive or unattractive to the opposite sex.

If you’re all gloomy gus and stuff about it then you probably are turning off women without even knowing it, and then you blame something that really isn’t the problem at all.

Me on the other hand, it’s not that I’m blaming myself or anyone else. I’m just simply not ready. If there is someone out there that I’m supposed to meet and be with, it will happen.

I’m not bitter or desparate about my circumstances. In fact, I’m a little bit opposite from you I am actively trying to avoid finding someone. There still seems to be a bit of fear there.

[sup]okay, more than a bit[/sup]

144

Were you hurt really really badly?

Sometimes I kind of feel this way. Especially your last sentence. Unlike you, I do occasionally feel that lonely ache. But quickly on the heels of that comes an immense, unimaginable exhaustion.

There IS a lot of effort to loving someone.

Do you think (collective you, not just priceguy), that after a certain number of failures, in which you give your all, but still end up losing out, that your heart just gives out, and there’s no more left to give?

And I do not at all mean that in a bitter way. A tired out one, but not a bitter one.

145

For what it’s worth, I’d rather be alone and lonely, or married and lonely than to EVER resort to watching anything Chris Rock has to say.

146

Not really. She’s now my best, closest and warmest friend.

Again, not really. I could love someone. I just have no particular wish to do so. The idea of a relationship holds no attraction.