Heh.
So this morning, I proceeded to the men’s room for my ritual anchor-dropping, and there were two guys conversing near the door. I went in and took a good long squeeze. When I came out, the two guys were still there. :eek: Normally, they probably wouldn’t even have noticed, but today is Friday, so I’m wearing a rather loud casual Cuban-type shirt, so they likely noticed the length of time I was in there and mentally noted that I must have gone into Door Number 2, not Door Number 1.
I don’t know why I’m so uptight about this. I am certainly not one of those girly-men who tries to cover up bowel noises in the can. I’ve been known to fart at a urinal with someone nearby. I guess subconsciously, the door-hangers represent the superior, albeit transient, class of People Who Need Not Crap, whereas inside the bathroom, the truth hangs heavy in the air and we know we are all equals.
If someone tries to chat you up as you’re heading into the can, I think the trick is to fart loudly. It seems to convey a sense of urgency as well as just about anything.
That or just tell 'em “Dude, I gotta push.”
Um… are you sure that’s a good idea? I’d think that could be dangerous in a situation of impending necessity.
If someone nabs me on the way to the john, I have no qualms about letting them know that I’m on a mission to give my dirt snake a new home. 
I generally say, “Definitely, I’d like to talk to you about this! Right now, though, nature calls… can I get back to you in a bit?”
Even though, I have to admit I’ve been known to tell my friends “yo, Yo, YO! Whooo boy! The coffee just kicked in… see ya!”
It’s nature taking its course. And who am I to stand in the way of nature, huh? 
You should know better than this! Didn’t you once try to fart on someone’s head as a joke and have an…er, *unintended * effect…happen? Wasn’t it something like “orange juice sloshing in a can” or something?
I remember it as him having shot “a load of warm doody” in his shorts.
That thread was great.
“I’m dilated to 10 centimeters here!”
Hmm, that sounds pretty weird. Oughta work great!
This is a slight hijack to the thread, but is something that came to me the other night went I happened to see a replay of the video of the planes hitting the WTC.
It happened right about the time that several people on our floor head to the restroom to take care of business. I couldn’t help but think that given the sizes of the buildings, and the time of day, more than a few of the people who died on initial impact had just settled down to do their thing when they were vaporized. What an ignominious position to be in.
Peoples around here have memories that are far too extraordinary. Yes, I believe “backfire” would describe that day quite nicely.
See, I’m just giving other folks more credit for being able to determine what state their poopage is in than I. You gotta admit though that Dave’s subsequent intent to converse was somewhat abbreviated.
Here’s the quote I was thinking of!
If nothing else this thread has brought out the euphemisms in all of us.
Now if you’ll all 'scuse me I gotta go lay some cable.
Pure poetry.
“Sorry, I’m turtling.”
:eek: Damn, that’s classic.
I like to say “I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.”