There's a bad bad bad funk floating around in my nice clean house. Well, they aren't actually 'floating' more like clunking around eating enormous amounts of food and leaving Lego on my floor(where I walk on them)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yep. It’s 2 little boys.

Maybe I’ve gotten used to the aromas they emit, they’ve been here awhile.
The Lil’wrekker said I’m nose blind about them. She said it’s awful. And I need to fix it

The Lil’wrekker told me we had to talk to their Mom(Mid-daughter).
She was basically a complaint machine. Sending her stink money out like a hellish B.O. ATM.

These boys are not so dirty. No more than regular little boys. They run, play and sweat like normal kids.
The youngish does walk around asking people to pull his ‘fanger’ Like someones older Uncle. Seems he can fart on command. A skill, for sure. Not sure how he’ll be able to monitize it when he grows up.

I think they’re too young to blame it on puberty.
The older boy eats way too much. I don’t have too much junk food around, but he eats anything. And I mean ANYTHING. I make chicken liver cat treats and he loves them. They are all people food. I wouldn’t let him eat real cat or dog food.

Baths and showers are quick events. Mother monitors, screaming at them to wash ‘All’ their parts.
She’s anal, oh that’s bad choice of words, She’s particular about it. Teeth brushing as well.

So… Lil’ Miss odor police said , “We have to talk to her about her stinko kids!”

Nope nope nope. Not me.
I started stuttering as soon as she said that. She accused me of faking. Sometimes she can be a brat. I told her she would have to tell her. I would attend and nod alot.

The time before cooking the evening meal and when I was up from my nap, was chosen.
I tried to sleep longer, but, Oh, no. I wasn’t sleeping thru this. Lil’Miss ‘Confront you older, bigger, who has a black belt Sister’ made sure I was awakened.

It started kinda lame. Hemming and hawing. I finally stuttered out: "Your Sister thinks you kids stink really bad and it’s upsetting her delicate sensibilities.

Then the tears came.

No, big sister did not kill little sister.
She said she realized the boys stank to high heaven.
She also stated for safetys sake never go in the bathroom soon after them.
I nodded in agreement. Been there, done that.

I started giggling. Giggling while stuttering is just weird. I couldn’t stop though. Tears of my own came.
Big sister and little sister were disgusted with me.
They left the room in a huff.

Then the youngest boy ran in the house and said: “Nana, pull my fanger”

2

Update: the Lil’Wrekker went to Walgreens for me.
She said: “I’m buying them boys deodorant (s).” Yes plural.

I told her any ‘AXE’ product would be vetoed.

I had a revelation and texted her to get deodorized body powder.
Yep, I’m a genius.

3

If they stink now, imagine the Visible Stink Rays they’ll be emitting once they hit puberty. :astonished:

4

Jeez, Do you think they’ll be here when puberty hits!!??
I’m doomed.

5

Just how old are they? Puberty starts earlier and earlier, it seems. My 9 year old granddaughter has signs (like having to wear a training bra!) that she will be an early bloomer…

6

Maybe it’s a laundry issue? How often and how well are their clothes cleaned?

7

Le Pétomane

And the older boy can be

Monsieur Mangetout

8

He also might have a future as a superhero, like Matter-Eater Lad (owner of one of my favorite bizarre comic-book superpowers).

9

We will need ages of the walking compost piles.

Kids stink. They stink in places that are non-puberty related. And since boys love dirt, they become living Petri dishes.

Bathe each one separately. If their skin can tolerate it, a kid-type bubble bath is great.

If either or both stinkers is allergic to shellfish, skip the next paragraph.

After the kid has soaked a little, played with the bubbles and hopefully has not slopped too much water on the floor, LET THE SCRUBBING BEGIN! Mom or Gramma must apply washcloth and soap, paying attention to the face, behind the ears, IN the ears, elbows, belly buttons, and feet. For feet, add a squirt of Betadine to the soapy washcloth. When it comes to the stinkiest body parts, again apply the soapy washcloth with Betadine to all cracks and crevices.

The shampoo comes last. If the hair feels like coarse steel wool, use dish soap. I myself shampoo with Dawn, because my hair is so oily.

If one or both little darlings is allergic to shellfish, buy a bottle of Hibiclens and use instead of Betadine. The medical-industrial strength potions are necessary to wipe out any stink-producing skin germs. The products are damn near mandatory after puberty. The Son developed killer foot BO when he hit 13. To save his life, I handed him a bottle of Betadine before he took a shower, and said to use that when scrubbing his size 14 feet.

As long as the Grandwreks are cruddy little boys, their bathtimes will have to be supervised by a responsible adult.

Hope this helps. This is the time of year for cinnamon pinecones and cookie baking smells, not funky boy-kid BO!

~VOW

10

They are age 10 and nearly 6.

I do have hibiclens in the house. Might have betadine too.

I’ll tell Mid-dau about that @VOW ,

But seriously, Dawn dish liquid on the hair??
Girl, you cray!!

11

I supervise laundry when I’m able. The clothing and towels are clean.
If things are uncleanable we toss.

You’d not believe how many underoos I’ve put in the burning barrel.

12

@Beckdawrek

I knew the Dawn dish soap would get to you!

I’m serious. My first shampooing is with Dawn, the second is with a medicated shampoo. I use no conditioner.

I love to sit in the chair at a salon and tell the person cutting my hair that I use Dawn. Their eyes get really big, and they grab a handful of my hair and scrunch it up, to see if it is damaged.

Their eyes get bigger when they realize it is damn healthy hair.

I used to get my hair done at a cosmetology school. I’d break the news of my unorthodox shampoo, and I’d get all the instructors and almost all the students gathered around me, scrunching my hair to see how “damaged” it was.

And all of them would walk away, shaking their heads about the crazy lady who shampoos with Dawn, yet still has ridiculously healthy hair.

I also use Dawn to pre-treat nasty grease stains on clothes before laundering them. A squirt of Dawn and a bit of a scrub with an old toothbrush works magic.

Strange Lady of SDMB,
~VOW

13

Why are they there now? It sounds like it’s been a while.

I do this too. It works really well.

14

She came to deal with my animals last year when I had my first kidney surgery. Dragging her 2 dogs and 2 boys.
Then the pandemic hit and she started home schooling the boys.
She lived in New Orleans.
She sold her Condo for reasons she doesn’t explain. As I kept having hospitalizations she hung in. Basically doing all the cooking and lots of cleaning. Pet duty is a big deal when I’m not home.

She’s been a great help. I love having her and the boys here.

As the pandemic hangs on she continues to homeschool the boys.

She did buy a house here but sold it just as quick. I kept having health issues.
Even the Lil’Wrekker has moved back home and transferred to the university kinda close to us.

I’m needy as crap, I hate it. But I can’t be alone right now.

15

I’m glad they’re there for you. It sounds lovely to have the house full of family.

16

It gets awfully close to knuckles, sometimes. But, mostly we find fun in about everything.

These children and grandkids just keep me smiling and laughing, at inappropriate times, occasionally.

I’d rather laugh than cry.

17

They use Dawn to clean oil out of the fur and feathers of animals and birds after an oil spill. They get a bath in the stuff.

18

Possibly related to the fanger-pullin’. :grimacing:

19

@cochrane

Exactly!

Dawn removes all my scalp oil and leaves me with beautiful shining feathers!

~VOW

20

Saw a news segment about cleaning up after an oil spill. The reporter asked a woman cleaning a bird what she was using. She answered “Dawn” as if the reporter was from Mars. Or had never washed dishes.