They have super high expectations for me!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I just started a new job, working in a state environmental agency. The position is a change from what I’m used to (no alligators in this job, more desk work and number crunching), and while I’m having to learn a lot, so far it hasn’t been too bad. My first assignment has kept me busy for the past week, . Of course, my boss has been on vacation. We’ll see how stressful things get when he returns.

Earlier this week, a couple of coworkers and I were taking a rare break from work to chat about stuff, and one of them revealed that right after I was hired, my boss sent out a email to my division detailing my resume. My coworker said the way he wrote it made me seem like I was “scary smart” and that it wouldn’t take long for me to be running the whole office. We all laughed, but internally I shat a brick.

I left academia because I’m so NOT smart and I was tired of pretending to be something that I’m not. Remember that Cosby show episode when Theo says it’s great that Claire and Cliff are big-shot professionals, but he just wants to be a “regular” person? Well, that’s me. I took this job because it seemed like a good, “regular” person gig. A nice 9-to-5 thing, maybe a few weekend hours here and there to meet a deadline. No long nights laying in bed, worrying about not being smart/creative/hard-working enough. Just do what I’m told and do it well, make the bosses look good, and then go home and live a normal, regular, carefree life.

I don’t want to be a big shot who’s constantly reminded of the Dr. in front of her name. I just want to be another cubicle critter, one of the “girls” who belong to the coffee club and knows how to unjam the copier machine when it needs it and makes everyone laugh in the break room.

Can’t I have that life? Why must I be the Ender Wiggins (or his black female counterpart) of the Department of Environmental Quality? I’m a dunderkin, not a wunderkin. I’m just an overeducated fool who has managed to slip through the cracks by tricking gullible, desperate people into hiring her. I don’t want them addressing me by title or saying things like, “You probably already know this…” I DON’T already know this. I know NO-THING. I’m not scary smart. I’m just scary.

I already know I’ll be spending this weekend with my nose in the books, trying to absorb enough information so that I can continue to “pass” for the next couple of weeks or so. Because the one thing worse than having high expectations hanging over you is not meeting them. Maybe if I become smart/creative/work hard enough, I’ll be able to pull this thing off.
sigh

Just when I was getting to enjoy this “living a life” thing. :frowning:

2

Girl, please. It is obvious with every word you write on these boards how intelligent you are. You aren’t “fooling” anybody; you can’t bullshit your way into a Ph.D in the sciences, and the people you have been working with aren’t stupid.

What happened to you that you have such a low opinion of yourself?

I do sympathize with wanting a low-stress life though. It would help if you stopped stressing yourself.

3

You don’t get a PhD in the sciences by being a moron. You are smart. Relax, you don’t have to know everything already. Take this weekend off. Spend it watching the dumbest TV you can or better yet, spend it wandering around Richmond. Don’t spend it working.

4

It’s amazing how just being consistently competent will get you judged “a brilliant person” by co-workers, especially in government service.

Be modestly deprecating, but continue to be basically competent, and the world can be your oyster!

5

What he said.

6

I left academia 20 years ago for a variety of reasons – but not wanting to put myself out there to compete in that particular arena was the subtext to several of them.

I don’t regret that move – and I love having my life to myself, to read what I want when I want, and to take weekends off. I’m not a “regular” person, because, frankly, I’m still way smarter than most “regular” people – but I have a life that suits me, friends who love me, and a job I adore. And because you’re also way smarter than most “regular” people, you’ll probably do well in your profession – just by being you and giving it the 40 (oh, okay, 45) hours a week it needs. You don’t need to do more than that, and you don’t need to be studying on your own time, and you don’t need to be worrying about what happens next.

What you do need to do, starting now and keeping it a priority until it becomes second nature, is learn to take care of yourself. This means treating yourself with love and respect, including not creating crazy expectations of your own (or buying into other people’s) about needing to have totally mastered your job by the end of Week One.

You know that novel you’ve been wanting to read, or that movie you’ve been wanting to see? This is the weekend to do it.

Hang in there kiddo.

7

It’s very common for people to have fears about being “discovered”.

What I mean is that people often feel that they’ve been faking their expertise all along, when in fact they’ve been doing just fine, and haven’t recognised it or been given enough praise from people they truly respect. This is especially common among actors and musicians, but it applies to all walks of life. As a musician, I know that feeling - you’re thinking “why doesn’t anybody ever mention that I’m not doing this properly?”; in fact, you are.

This probably ties in with the whole business of incompetents overestimating their abilities while the truly competent underestimate theirs. That’s been backed up by many psychological studies.

In short, live for yourself, not others, and self-esteem will come to you once you stop worrying.