I don’t want to go to heaven.
Spending an eternity with zealous wierdos like that … gee that’d be my definition of hell.
Have pity on them, 'bear. After all, would you want to believe in a God who, according to the Gospels, explicitly condemned the sort of attitude that you’re expressing if you were one of these letter writers? 
Um…Jews aren’t part of the Christian faith. (I know you just didn’t read that carefully, Homebrew.) I can’t imagine why this person thinks faithful Jews will be raptured. If you believe that Jesus is the Messiah, you are not a member of the Jewish faith. You’re a Christian. Duh.
I have an urge to write a letter and send it to them.
Dear Left Behind,
I’m in Heaven and YOU’RE NOT!!! NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH!!!
PPPPHHHHBBBLLLTTTT!!!
HA HA!!!
OMG, you should. That would be fucking hilarious.
[hijack] Just for you Poly.
A woman dies and goes to heaven, and St. Peter takes her on a tour of heaven. They pass a pit where there were people gnashing their teeth and wailing, and the woman says, “Who’s down there?”
St. Peter says, “Oh, those are the Catholics who ate meat on Fridays.” They walked a little farther and there was another pit with more groaning and wailing, and she says, “O.K., who’s down there?”
St. Peter answers, “Those are the Baptists who went to dances.” And a little farther along, there was another pit and people down there gnashing their teeth and crying and ripping their garments, and she says, “And those people?”
And St. Peter says, “Those are the Episcopalians who ate their salads with their dessert forks.”
[/hijack] 
Uh, where are the letters? Did I miss a link here?
Fenris,
You are my GOD OF FUNNINESS!
I laughed so hard and so long my dad came upstairs to see if I was all right.
FENRIS: GOD OF FUNNINESS At least for today.
I’ve just read a few of these horrid things, and I’ve already come across more than one that mentions the Pope being among those left behind. Does this, by any chance, happen in the “Left Behind” books?
This is the Penthouse Forum of fundie porn. “Dear Heathen Unbelievers: I always knew this would happen to me…”
Dr. J
I would send it…but would they post it?
You know, as someone who in my high school years knew people into cult-like beliefs, and some really, really out there crazy-ass ritualistic and magicky type stuff, every time I read these kind of letters then send a little chill down my spine…
the similarities between these cults and stuff is so scarily similar to this kind of uber-fanatical Christianity. It really gives me big-time creeps, because there’s more of these people than there ever were of the two guys down the hall that thing you can kill yourself and transport to alternate dimensions.
shudder
think, not thing. I was so weirded out I couldn’t even write.
…brain…bleeding…head…hurts…
I thought this one was going to lead into a kind of self-help spiel. You know, how to cope after being rejected by God. Not really, although he does give the clue that the Antichrist will probably be the leader of the EU and give a few survival tips. There is also some speculation that the rotation of the earth will be changed, leading to 16 hour days instead of 24. That Antichrist, what a kidder. Finally, us godless heathens need to lay in a good supply of Vitamin C and E (I’m not kidding. Read it to the end).
This is either a flashback to some of my grandparents’ “I told you so” episodes or one giant “Nanny nanny boo boo sucks to you!” I can’t quite decide.
Hooray for circular logic! I love the whole “The Bible is true because the Bible says so!” bit fundies like to pull.
Of course some Islamic believers exhibit the same trait of using circular logic. Witness Jam Shady’s comments in this thread, specifically
(bolding mine)
This bible will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
are you sure? check out my inappropriate comment in this thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=123292
Someone actually read all 27 letters? In that horrendous pale green micro-typeface? I could feel temporal lobe implosion coming on after most of #2 and barely quit in time.
Fenris could definitely write a convincing screed and get published on that website. It would require subtlety but I know he could do it. I’ve seen his Mark of The Evil One (I caught him using it at the ATM) and he is capable of great, if dark things.
I went to that other link and checked out the Rapture Index… oh man… check out some of these “signs”:
6 Interest Rates 1
11 Leadership 4
19 Globalism 5
29 Liberalism 3
30 The Peace Process 1
39 Civil Rights 5
Various things add up to:
Rapture Index 169
Net Change +4
Updated: 1 July 02
1998 High 174 1999 High 176 2000 High 172 2001 High 182 2002 High 179
1998 Low 152 1999 Low 164 2000 Low 158 2001 Low 160 2002 Low 161
Record High 182 24 Sept 01
Record Low 57 12 Dec 93