Pit Poll:
Which letter writer from this website is the most pretentious, self-rightious asshole on the net?
I think #2 has definite Swaggart potential, myself.:rolleyes:
BWA-HA-HA-Ha-Ha! Criminy, it reads like bad Left Behind fan fic. Haven’t these idiots ever read the Bible, the part where Jesus said “no man knows the day or the hour of the coming of the son of Man”?
Hey, Christians, your job is to pray, feed the poor, comfort the suffering, and visit the sick. You’re not supposed to write masturbatory fantasies about the end of the world in a “ha ha ha, I’m going to heaven and you’re not!” fashion.
Superstitious morons.
Unfortunately, the makers of this website are unaware that the tribulation and rapture have both already happened. They missed the boat because they were not true believers. How sad.
I vote for #3.
I’m more worried about the Sputnik Forces mind control rays.
Aren’t all those letters just variations on the same theme? Why have thirty unreadable letters full of insane gibberish when you one letter will suffice?
I thought that some of those letters looked familiar, so I checked on another site that was mentioned in Time magazine recently. They have the same letters posted. Here is a link to that site. They also have a rapture index.
I’ve read all 29 letters, and now my brain hurts.
What a strange little world those folks live in, and what a fucked-up perversion of Christianity they practice. I’ve never understood why the fear-based approach is considered useful to get someone interested in a particular religion.
It’s hard to vote one as the most self-righteous above all the others, but #27 seems to edge the others out, especially in the department of sheer creepiness.
These are among the chosen few who will make it to Heaven? If I recieved any of these letters, I believe my first thought would be, “Damn, I’m glad I’m an atheist!”
The whole concept is pretty ludicrous, really. It’s got a little of that Jack T. Chick flavor – you know, where the Evil Unbeliever hasn’t ever heard of the Bible, or any of its messages, or even any of its characters or stories? But after the rapture happens, I’ll be surfing the internet, confused over the millions of missing, and then I’ll find out there’s a holy book, and it’ll all make sense. Yep.
My friends,
If you’re reading this, I’ve gone to a better place.
You may be suprised to find that rush-hour traffic is somewhat less gridlocked, that lines for ballgames are shorter, and that in general, things are less crowded.
You may be surprised that millions of us have disappeared.
That’s because I and my kind have left for a better place.
You see, you have been
LEFT BEHIND.
Many of you will immediately think that we’ve been taken aboard a UFO.
We haven’t.
Others of you will assume we’ve all been eaten by lions.
We also haven’t.
Even more of you will assume we’ve been sucked up to Heaven in God’s own Super-Rapture Vacuum Cleaner!
Not even close.
We’ve gone to Disneyland.
And you’ve been
LEFT BEHIND
Oh, you could have joined us.
We offered.
We told you to get up early and pack.
We told you to go to bed early the night before.
We told you to set your alarm clocks but did you?
No.
Definitely no.
Positively no!
Decidely no!
Un-uh.
So while we’re barfing our cookies up on Magic Mountain, you’ve been
LEFT BEHIND
Next time, maybe you’ll listen if you want to go along.
Fenris
That Jesus is gonna be one busy feller on the honeymoon.
I knew the Rapture was coming soon when I was in the frozen food section at Wal-Mart and saw the chocolate french fries. Yes, they’re making frozen, chocolate-flavored french fries now, presumably for brats that are too spoiled to eat plain french fries.
Where do I go to get my microchip implanted?
Good fuckin’ trick, that.
I thought these were all the same faith - Christian. Who knew?
See? I told you he was a top.
LMAO
You are so going to hell for that, matt.
I like number 2…it’s got helpful hints and stuff…
matt, reminds me of an exchange that took place on the old AOL Straight Dope board. In a discussion on homosexuality, after being told that it didn’t hurt anyone, one of the Fundamentalists opined, “Worse, it hurts God.” To which someone responded, “Maybe at first, but after the first few times I think he’d start to dig it.” I still laugh about that one.
Anyway, at least this site gave me a fun new sig to use for a while.
Hey, I figure if all the gay people are going to hell already, if I go to Heaven I’ll never get laid. (Except by Jesus, as mentioned above. But I’m pretty sure he only likes the missionary position.)