They wanted to increase productivity at work. Luckily they figured out the solution

They brought in a weeaboo consultant from another company to come in and throw japanese buzzwords at us. Listening to someone with a new england accent use japanese buzzwords was fun. Because obviously Japanese businesses are highly efficient :rolleyes: and nobody in Japan spends 11 hours sitting at work doing 4 hours of actual work.

We had to take 2 days off of work last thursday and friday to sit through meetings about this stuff.

The first thing they did was have us do trial runs under ideal conditions, to determine how long it takes us to do our jobs.

Of course, ideal real world situations don’t exist. In the real world management knows what the actual bottlenecks are, but they know they can’t fix them, so instead we have to sit through 2 days of meetings so we can figure out how to save upwards of 10 minutes a day by eliminating a few ‘unnecessary’ steps in our daily routines. So nothing was done about the actual bottlenecks, but instead they focused on a bunch of irrelevant details.

Also the first day the consultant chastised us because a couple people were 5 minutes late. Then on the second day he himself was 20 minutes late. That was fun.

So obviously productivity hasn’t gone up because the actual causes of the issue weren’t addressed. And now people are looking for the easiest reports to process to meet their new quota, which means all the hard ones are building up. So now we’re looking at a huge backlog of difficult reports because people are afraid to work on them out of fear they won’t hit their quota.

But heres something else great. Lets say as if by magic productivity doubles. All that means is that there will be layoffs next year when they renegotiate our contracts. We will be overstaffed if that happens.

Ah corporate America. The next person who talks about how inefficient the public sector is and how efficient the private sector is is getting punched in the dick.

I didn’t know this word either.


Yeah, I’m kind of an asshole.

This reminds me of the scene in Schindler’s List when they make the Rabbi produce a hinge while timing him with a stopwatch, then take him out to shoot him.

I think that is because you don’t have enough, or good enough, KPIs.

A few KPI reports will soon address that failing.

Direct link to the comic (which seems more fitting than the coined meaning):

Don’t forget to benchmark your Best Practices KPIs, children.

Is kaizen still the big thing or have they moved to other buzzwords? It’s been a while since I’ve been in that corporate culture. Oh, and that nightmare, ITIL.

“If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.”

Yeah, I was gonna ask, was it kaizen?