I hold in my hand the following book: Malice in Blunderland or How the Grits Stole Christmas by Allan Fotheringham (aka Dr. Foth). Haven’t a bloody clue what the hell he’s talking about (Canadian politics circa the Trudeau era), but the image of grits stealing Christmas makes me smile.
That and “Wacky” Bennett, late of BC.
Vlad/Igor
Sammy Sosa was the last player I know of to get caught with a corked bat and it was indeed because the bat broke. He claimed that he only used it for batting practice and the like and never meant to use it. (Whether or not he was telling the truth, I’m not sure, but I believe all the other bats checked out clean.)
Along these lines is the pine-tar rule, which is (was?) that the pine-tar can only go up 18" from the end of the bat. There was a famous case years ago (obviously I’m not as big a baseball fan as I thought, but I think it was in the 80s, which is my excuse) where the batter had a home-run disqualified because the pine-tar was too high. I think this is one of those cases cited as an abuse of the rulebook, because while the disqualification might have been legal, it was really just bad sportsmanship.
I find Southerness interesting and a bit confusing because it seems to have little to do with latitude. I’ve heard DC and West Virginia described as Southern and yet they are in line with Northern California which is not at all Southern. NC is Southern but SC isn’t? Is there any truth to that? Florida is Southern but Miami isn’t? What about Louisiana? I didn’t know Texas was Southern. I thought it was so big, relatively, that it had its own identity. Is it at the western fringe of the South and do people living in Austin describe themselves as Southerners? Has the South contracted or expanded over the years?
The Midwest is the one that really confuses me though.
There’s south of the Mason-Dixon line, and then there’s the Deep South.
I’ve heard a lot of (mostly British) people calling us Yanks, but around here, a Yankee is only from the North.
Someone mentioned grits and okra. Point me in that direction.
::hoists fork and spoon::
The Yankee thing is American. The Yank thing is what the rest of us call you 
The year was 1983. The batter was George Brett of the Kansas City Royals. The pitcher was Goose Gossage of the New York Yankees. The details are here.
Gest: Despite their latitude, such states as California and Arizona aren’t considered Southern because they weren’t part of the Confederacy during the American Civil War, they didn’t really have a history of whites enslaving blacks, their long-time residents don’t speak with “Southern accents”, etc. Southern Florida might have once been culturally Southern, but it’s now populated so heavily by people from elsewhere (Cubans, Haitians, retirees from Canada and Northern USA) that it’s just kind of “general American”. Also, its economy is largely geared to the tourist industry. The Florida Panhandle (narrow strip of land that makes up the northern corridor of the state) is still considered Southern, however. Its coastline is known as the “Redneck Riviera”.
The South (Dixie) encompasses, by my definition, all or part of the following states:
West Virginia
Virginia
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Florida
Alabama
Mississippi
Louisiana
Texas
Tennessee
Kentucky
Delaware, Maryland, Oklahoma, and Missouri also get some people’s votes.
Midwest:
Ohio
Indiana
Illinois
Michigan
Wisconsin
Minnesota
Iowa
Missouri (by default – the state doesn’t really fit neatly into any regional category)
North Dakota
South Dakota
Nebraska
Kansas
Basically, the part of the country dominated by the Great Lakes, Big Ten college sports, growing grain, raising cattle, and producing automobiles – all on relatively flat land.
Thanks, Kyla. Part of my ignorance results from the fact that a ‘corked bat’ was a sports thing, and therefore unlikely to be known by me.
Re: Malice in Blunderland: I remember that book from high-school. Was it one of the ones illustrated by Aislin?
His initials were W. A. C. Bennet, and he was apparently considered a bit of a loon.
Ya know, Lobsang…I could be persuaded to dispatch your way some grits, a bottle of Tiger Sauce, maybe some other delicacies that Southern Americans (as opposed to South Americans) have, by grace of God, available at any grocery store. What have you got to trade?
I usually eat instant grits. They are okay, but I can live without them. I haven’t eaten them in a couple of months probably. Grits, to me, are just a way to cut the butter and salt.
Okra isn’t only available in the South. When i was in Denmark, I made some really good gumbo and I found some okra in an Asian food store. Amazing, huh?
Maryland is most definitely a Northern state. (I grew up there.)
Same with Delaware, I’d imagine.
American Sports (ie netball, rounder’s and girl’s rugby)
Affirmative Action
God-bothering
American beer
Dick Cheyney’s daughter
Michael Moore
Hey netball is a bloody good game and not at all American! Ok there are only 2 countries that can play it well but just because the Poms aint one of them is no reason to slag it off.
But in America they play it with seven foot tall men. That’s not right.
Also:
The Dave Matthews Band (utterly unknown over here)
But those 7 foot men don’t wear bibs and lil skirts. Thank Goodness.
Glocks
Home D-EE-Fense
Double Taps
They Might be Giants. Apart from the iTMS, I’ve only heard of them on Slashdot and that’s not a good musical barometer.
Two weeks of holidays a year. Pfff. Suckers.
Income tax also levied by most states.
TiVo although Americans swear I’d kill for it if I’d experienced it. I’ll need a TV first though.
Reverence for presidents and the flag and hands over hearts when the anthem gets played.
Harleys
Talking about barbeque like it’s cuisine. Jesus, it’s a nice excuse to stand in the backyard, drink beer and wine and eat burnt meat without a heap of mess when the visitors leave.
I actually envy the Glocks and such. Guns are fun and about the only attraction America would have for me. However, I prefer social cohesion and egalitarianism as ways to promote a safe society thus I’d rather do without if it’s a choice. Still, my very own Barrett would be nice even if there wouldn’t be much left of the kangaroo for the dogs.
You lucky bastard…
Gest writes:
> I’ve heard DC and West Virginia described as Southern and yet they are in line with Northern California which is not at all Southern.
These things are obviously vague, but let me use the way that Joel Garreau in his book The Nine Nations of North America splits up all of North America and the Caribbean. This is a book by a reporter who went around the continent trying to figure out the real socio-economic-cultural divisions. In his estimation, the South (he calls this area “Dixie”) is all of Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Louisiana. Some southern bits of Illinois, Indiana, and Missouri, the southern half of West Virginia, and all of Virginia except the Washington suburbs are also parts of Dixie. Washington, D.C. and its suburbs are not part of Dixie. They’re part of the Industrial Northeast (which Garreau calls “the Foundry”). The eastern edges of Oklahoma and Texas are also part of Dixie, but all the rest of Oklahoma and the northern part of Texas are part of the Great Plains (which Garreau calls “the Breadbasket”). Most of Florida is part of Dixie, but the southern portion of it (along with all of the Caribbean) is a region that Garreau calls “the Islands”.
Just to clarify things:
“Column shift” is also known as “three on the tree.”
So now you know.