Snakes. Earthworms. Dragonflies. Yellow jackets. Birds (including a barred owl). Bats. Cute baby chipmunks. Hideous giant spiders with crawly legs poking out of kitty’s mouth. This is why they are now indoor cats, though on their enclosed cat porch they still manage to catch everything but owls.
Also:
“A Cat Tale” by Chris Miller, which you may remember from *National Lampoon, *July, 1986.
“The Other Large Thing” by John Scalzi, also available in *Miniatures: The Very Short Fiction of John Scalzi.
My monsters never go out. God help anything that takes a notion find a way in. Recently they had a centipede in the laundry room. Ick! I hate them things. When I got a wad of paper towel to remove it with, I could feel it wiggling all those legs. Ew.
And the new rug syndrome. I recently bought a new throw rug for the bedroom. Heard the familiar horking and ran into the room just in time to see it christened.
I’d never thought of this particular argument against a flat Earth, but dang, it’s a good one.
My favorite cat song. The Mouse Police Never Sleeps, Jethro Tull
Are there others?
Lyrics to Mouse Police Never Sleeps.
There is a whole Broadway show of songs about cats. It’s called ‘Cats’. Go figure.
Broadway? BROADWAY? That show ran everywhere, and actually started in London with a very low rent production.
Gillian Lynne, the choreographer who made people dance like cats, died on July 1st, age 92.
Of course, the lyrics were based on T.S. Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, which is grossly misnamed. Cats are not practical.
You’re thinking like a hoo-mon. Of course cats are practical, according to their own irrefutable standards of practicality. Hoo-mons obviously disagree, but our Kitteh Overlords love us in spite of our wrong-headedness.
Cats can tell when you’re working too hard around the house, they present themselves in the same room you’re busy in and give you a psychic ping. You look up, they fix your gaze, you’re relaxing with a kitteh for a few minutes. Your self esteem is boosted as you realize this beast is spending time with you because it has chosen to, not because it was bred to want to.
They also know the difference between frustration and anger in their monkeys. They avoid the angry ones because that’s some bad business; but the frustrated ones get approached, spoken with, and consoled for as long as it takes for the monkey to feel better or fall asleep.
A confident cat has the heart of a lion and discreetly projects sufficient presence to convince intruders it is, in fact, a lion.
An older family cat knows how many monkeys live with it, will stay on watch until all are accounted for, and will help put the small ones to bed.
We have hardwood and tiled floors, scattered with expensive tribal carpets… where do the furry overlords puke? Guess!
I bought an expensive (kinda) scratching post. The meezers walk by it, even rubbing against it, to the front of a leather (ish) arm chair to sharpen those claws. I have given up trying to stop it. It’s basically ruined at this point. They own the chair.
Of course it was low-rent: Cats may live the bohemian life, but they’re only a few inches off the ground unless they’ve found something to climb.
Mine would chase each other around the apartment at night, thumping like a couple of skipping elephants. They had to have been doing it on purpose, because they were never that loud any other time.
That is profound.
Most of our family’s cats have had a thing for sniffing shoes. My son’s cats would also try to roll on the inside of his shoes. They were never very successful at it, but kept trying.
^^^^the shoe thing, they are claiming that as their property. If you watch they will do that ssme rolling and wallowing to anything they deem ‘mine’. I have a small rug by the door into the garage and 2 dog beds, several cat cocoons, a particular throw blanket and one pillow that my cats have claimed. The pillow really weirds me out cause there are 3 more just like it on the couch, its just the one they claim.
I’d read the Scalzi story before but the Cat Tale was new to me; thanks!
Allow me to show my appreciation with Louis vs. Rick, the story of a man who taught his cat to use instant messaging.
ETA: To be clear, I’m pretty sure this is fiction and thus not, in fact, something that anyone had forgotten that cats do.
Cats sit in front of doors and magically the door opens for them. No miaow necessary, the door just OPENS.
Ha! That’s what they want us to think!
When my cat comes in through the cat flap, he says a brief “Hello” to me, then goes on a complete inspection of the house, then visits his food dish, then decides what he wants to do in the house & does that. He’s the only cat I’ve had who “patrols” so routinely. I assume he does the same thing outside, patrolling his territory.
Look, it’s the same house that was here an hour ago. The furniture is in the same places. I may have moved from the living room to the kitchen, but I’m not sure that’s really newsworthy. We have not been invaded. There are still no birds in the bedroom, but he’s just making sure. You can’t be too careful about a thing like that.