I actually did this one! I had three out-of-state interviews one day, and I was staying at my cousin’s house. After showering in the morning, my face was really dry, so I quickly applied a couple squirts of what I though was her moisturizer as I rushed out the door. I really enjoyed the coconut smell, but after the third interview, I finally walked into a bathroom and saw my oily face in the mirror. My nose, forehead and cheeks were so shiny they looked like plastic. I couldn’t believe that no one had mentioned it, but was more surprised that I actually got a call-back from my second interview.
Don’t stare at the floor for the entire interview, responding to all questions with silence or a barely audible “Don’t know.”
Don’t answer a mobile phone call and discuss an elaborate racehorse doping scam.
Viz magazine did a bit on this several years ago. One of their suggestions was what to do if one of the interviewers is asking you a few difficult questions. Walk up to them, point your finger in their face and say “Watch it!”
The definitive guide to behaviour in an interview when you do not want the job comes in the book and film of Trainspotting; taking speed beforehand, kissing all the members of the panel, admitting to lying on the application form etc.
My secretary told me of an acquaintance (how the heck do you spell that?) who is sort of a “professional” interviewee, meaning that she jumps from job to job and loves to be interviewed. According to my secretary, if she keeps a job for two weeks it sets a personal record. At her most recent job she asked her boss on her first day of work if she could have the afternoon off because she had a job interview. He told her that she could take the rest of her life off for all he cared.
Tell a dirty joke.
Tell the interviewer (if female) that she’s HOT!
Tell the interviewer (if male) that he’s HOT!
Lick your thumb and wipe his/her cheek to remove imaginary smudge - a la grandma.
Look at tip of interviewer’s nose with an inquisative look and then at interviewer then back at nose with look, etc. This really freaks them out and they begin wiping their nose surruptitiously. Actually, if you decide during the interview that you don’t want the job, it may be kinda fun to do.
– Point out spelling mistakes in the employer’s email to you (my brother-in-law did this last week)
– Announce that if they give you a drug test, you’ll fail so there’s no point (b-i-l did this one too).
– Smoke as much dope as you can in the week before your drug test for amusing “you tested off the scale” result (b-i-l again)
Once you get the job, if asking to be trained to work in another section, don’t give the reason “they don’t have so much to do. My section is busy all the time, and I just want to stand around all day like the people in that other section”. My brother’s workmate did actually say that to her supervisor the other week.
I went to an interview once at an Archaeology firm. Well the interviewer’s name was of course Dr Jones. It’s VERY temping to ask about the Ark, and the Grail etc, I didn’t cause I really wanted the job. Didn’t get it though.
Luckily I knew somone who worked here before and told me that Dr jones didn’t mind being kidded about his name. I still didn’t do it though.
I once interviewed for a job in the early 80’s and pointed out that asking on the application form about someone’s martial status, children and what plans they have for child care when the children are sick was very illegal. The interviewer/owner said it would cost too much to have the forms reprinted. I said “Oh, it’s your policy to break the law if it saves you money.” I didn’t get the job.
You also shouldn’t ask if they have any of “those people” working here. If they ask which people, say “You know, THOSE people.”
A friend of mine is lactose intolerant. He’d drink a quart of milk right before the interview, then ask to use the men’s room later, take a huge dump, stink up the room and not flush. He was on unemployment for a year before they caught on.
Interviewer: So, what do you want to be doing in five years?
Interviewee: How should I know? I’m a computer professional. The longest I’ve held any job is two years.
Apparently, you shouldn’t answer the question “What do you do when a project you’ve worked on doesn’t come out right or as expected?” by telling then that every project you’ve ever worked on has ended in complete success. Your rigorous attention to detail and fact-checking prevent errors before they occur. Seriously.
It’s true and I answered that question that way twice and didn’t get an offer (engineering interveiws are pretty standard.) The third interview, I made up some story of overcoming the problems that had somehow slipped past me in my preparation and research and, yup, they gave me an offer. :rolleyes:
I was interviewing a for a new assistant and every answer during the 30 minute interview was liberally accentuated by gum smacking and vigorous chewing. I am not the most tolerant of people who chew gum to begin with, but this one drove me absolutely nuts!
I actually did ask my current employer if they drug test (without actually saying that I use drugs), and I still got the job. Why go through the whole interview process and then find out they do testing?
[ul]
[li]“Well, Jesus will probably have come back by then!”[/li][li]“Oh, God–Anywhere but here!”[/li][li]“Oh, my survey mission will be over and I will have returned to my homeworld long before then.”[/li][li]“According to the newly revealed 501st quatrain of Nostradamus, I’ll probably be living in a cave somewhere eating rats–if I’m lucky.”[/li][li]“Well, according to the 5-Year Secret Master Plan of my Dark Father, the Prince of Lies, I should be ready to assume the position of King of the Kings of the Earth and accept the worship of all the nations of the world.”[/li][/ul]
