Title says it all. I’m scheduled for an interview with a shady-ass company that’s a subsidiary of a Master Shady-ass Company. Now that I know what’s coming, what can I do to have fun with these people? Better yet, how can I have a few laughs at their expense? See this thread for the short skinny and link that explains the shady-ass corporation.
If I can make this something entertaining, maybe I won’t cancel the interview.
Easy. Arrive at the interview carrying one or all of the following items:
1.) Your kid’s cardboard briefcase full of fundraising Kit Kats and M & Ms.
2.) A helpful neighbor’s sample set of Avon or Tupperware products.
3.) A tasteful briefcase full of The Watchtower.
4.) A batch of brochures from some shady insurance company offering either life insurance as an “investment,” or one of those policies that pay a whopping $5,000 benefit if you lose three toes on the same foot and full use of the elbow on the opposite side of your body in a commuter rail accident on an Election day in a leap year.
You know where to go from there, I presume. Explain to the interviewer that you are an experienced marketer, and launch into your pitch! (Be sure to thank your interviewer for inviting them in to speak to them about your fine products.)
Along with passing out copies of the blog to the over people there for interviews, save a copy for them. When you go in, before they get a chance to say hello, hand it to them and ask them to explain themselves.
Construct an entire suit from used cereal boxes (Cap’n Crunch makes a great tie, btw). As the interview starts, open your briefcase (preferably also constructed out of used cereal boxes), and make a comment about having a list of references. Pass the interviewer a stack of leaves. Put on a tinfoil hat and explain “it’s to keep all those other people waiting from stealing my ideas.”
If at all possible, answer the phone on his desk. Even if it doesn’t ring first.
Tell the interviewer that you are ready to start immediately, but you’ll need a desk right by the door, because “at beer-thirty, I’m outta here”.
If the interviewer stands to shake your hand as he escorts you out, try and wet your pants.
In the middle of the interview out of nowhere say, “I have issues.” and start crying uncontrollably. Actually, I was interviewing a prospective employee and she did this. She didn’t get the job.
If you have a food that makes you fart, eat a ton of it before the interview. If it also makes you poop, ask to use the bathroom and don’t flush. I know a guy who is major lactose intolerant, and use this system to stay on unemployment for a year. Finally an interviewer ratted him out.
Be sure to mention that your family is incestuous.
Since this is a pyramid scheme, they are more interested in whether you can supply money than if you can “do the job.” See how far you can push the envelope. Make fun of the interviewer. Scratch your crotch, then smell your fingers. Pretend to have tourettes. Light up a cigarette in the middle of the interview and let the ashes drop on your shirt. In reply to one of their questions, quote a hard rock song and play air guitar at the same time. Pretend to discreetly pick your nose and then obviously wipe the contents on the underside of the interviewers desk. Ignore them when they put their hand out to shake. If they ask if you have any questions, ask them if they know what “DNA” stands for. Or why John Hancock signed his name so big onthe Declaration of Independence.
Rather than spend your time screwing with the interviewer, you could instead print out several thousand copies of the blog and glue them to every door and window of their building.