I had to read this 4 times before I realized “diatribe” /= “diarrhea”. My version is funnier, however.
Co-workers who feel some magically fairy, or possibly their mothers, are going to come behind them and clean up the mess they made while fixing coffee.
It’s a common area, folks. Everyone uses it. Nobody is in charge of cleaning it. WIPE UP YOUR SPILLS, YOU LAZY. FUCKING. PIGS.
And, hey, if the dishwasher is clean, unload it, asshole. Don’t just stack your dirty coffee cup in the sink. Mom’s not hear to do it.
Many of my staff have worked together for 16 years or so, since the place opened. They know WAY too much about each others business. There are no boundries, there are no ideas of privacy. They share their performance evaluations with each other. If one books off sick the others pester me to know why. I had someone who didn’t want everyone to know her brother was dying. They phoned her at home to find out and then told me “Sally needs time off until after the funeral on Thursday. Oh and I will need Thursday off too, since i am going to that funeral.”
I hate this so much. People being close is one thing, knowing every hing about each other’s lives is downright pathological.
Aside from marking finals (part of the job, even if I hated it), the thing that really annoyed me was that I would always schedule a question-and-answer session before the final exam. I hoped the students would come in and ask about problems they had trouble with and I would go over them carefully. In nearly 40 years of teaching calculus and the like, it never happened that way. Almost the only question they asked was a variation of “What’s going to be on the final?” or “Do we have to know how to find derivatives on the final?” What a waste. To the first I always said, “Come to the final and see.” and to second, the invariable answer was “Yes”, even if I had no intention of asking such a question. What a waste of what could have been valuable help.
Participants in intramurals.
Yep. Our refs aren’t all top of the line. Many, in fact, are just in need of a job and picked us, so they’re reffing flag football. You’re not paying to participate in this beyond your ordinary fees, and the refs are making minimum wage.
You want to come to me and complain about how they, with the training and better angle, said you stepped out of bounds? You couldn’t see your feet. They are not trying to screw you, they don’t care who you are. I am not going to overturn a judgement call.
These refs suck? You could do so much better? Why didn’t you come out for ref training? Oh, you don’t have the time? It pays too little? Don’t want to have to deal with jackasses like you?Fuck off and quit bitching. We’ll be training refs for more sports soon. Man up and see me out there.
On the bright side, I can actually get away with calling them out on their bullshit and can toss them from the facility if I decide they’re too abusive.
(On the bright side, every now and then we do get somebody who thought they could do better than the intramural refs and gave it a try. Some of them are even right. The fact that they often have a background in the sport helps. But all of them take time to get up to speed, and most admit that it’s harder than it looks from the outside.)
Oh my god! Did you warn them?
About 9/11, Dick Cheney, Iraq, Afghanistan?
By any chance is this a warehouse where they store soundtrack CDs to Vin Deisel movies?
I’m finding that I don’t like the whole “startup” company thing. Not like it’s unbearable, but all these annoying little things add up after awhile.
Off topic, but that is such a strange concept for me. Everyone I know basically changes jobs every 1-4 years. I mean it would be nice to have that sort of job security, but is there any career advancement in that company or is it basically the same team who has been there for 16 years?
Ugh, I get this problem too. Again, with food it’s “oh, I didn’t know you couldn’t bring food next to these priceless 1000+ year old artifacts, I didn’t see a sign!” This despite the fact that there are signs motherfucking everywhere, and that even if there weren’t, common sense would tell you that FOOD IN A MUSEUM IS BAD.
Another, unrelated problem I just thought of: useless chaperones. Folks, when you have a group of ten second-graders to supervise, guess what you’re here for? No, not to wander obliviously around looking at exhibits while the kids bounce off the walls. No, not to stand in a corner with the other chaperones and gab. No, not even to sit out in the lobby drinking coffee while the kids run amok in the exhibits. You are here to watch the children. You are responsible for their behavior. And don’t you dare get belligerent with me when I remind you of this fact–if you or your kids do not behave, we can and WILL kick you out.
Oh, yes, the signs: Every night at 10 pm, signs are posted (at eye level) on both front doors. “The lobby will re-open at 6am. Please use the window [appropriate arrows and directions provided] for overnight check-ins and check-outs.”* And every night, some idiot looks right at the signs, stands and rattles both door handles, and then looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights, because s/he is so freaking confused. (Meanwhile, I’m pointing them in the proper direction, walking over to meet them at the window, etc. - well-lit lobby, unimpeded view through the windows, and they’re still so freaking confused by the whole notion.)
And the parents who don’t supervise their kids in the lobby or breakfast room? The ones who expect me, the busy desk clerk, to babysit? I dearly love teaching those kids “fun” new games to play in the car during the rest of their road trip: “Mom, he’s touching me!” Or “Are we there yet?/How much longer?” Or maybe the ever-popular “She’s looking at me!” The really advanced kids get lessons in tag-team “I gotta go now!” - The more interstate exits you stop at, the higher your score.
*Mind you, we use a night window for insurance liability reasons, not because the area is unsafe.
When my coworker loses his launch key.
“Put me on tv!”
“Media staging is over there.” (conveniently far away from the action.)
“So and so called in, (again) can you work?”
“Sports needs you to…”
“Can you get a live shot out of (place I have never heard of before / have no clue 'til I get there)?”
“Checking your eta to (place you sent me too far too late).”
“Head to City Council for the meeting.”
“The victim’s family lives at x street. Go knock on their door and see if they want to talk.”
“Hook up with (reporter I don’t respect) and work on (story straight out of the National Enquirer.)”
“We saw it on (competing station.) Need to play catch up for the 11.”
and my favorite -
“(Clueless upper management type) suggested this story. It’s a must do.”
Related to this: I hate knowing I’m at the top of my field unless I want to do a thing I hate. Right now, I’m IT Director for a small company. If I want to make any more money than I am now, I’d have to either
A) specialize hard, with either an MBA or multiple levels of Cisco certs or a Masters of System Engineering, any of which would eventually bore me to tears compared to doing some of 'em all now,
or
B) move to a bigger company, where I’d end up starting in the middle-high rungs and clawing my way up the ladder further to end up doing the same job I am now, only for a bigger, less personal and laid-back place,
or
C) move to a startup, and go back to the bullshit of 90-hour weeks and gross, constant uncertainty. Last time I tried this, I lasted just about a year before I said “fuck it” and bailed–not coincidentally, two weeks ahead of 2/3 of the company getting laid off and the place getting bought out.
I work in radio. This means that people will call and expect me to know the phone numbers of all the radio stations in town off the top of my head.
I don’t mind the hours so much as all the bullshit that comes from a group of people who REALLY don’t know what they are doing. We’ll talk for an hour about getting a fooseball table or volunteering for some bullshit charity. Never about anything that matters. We have some big clients, but I think our marketing folks think we can just Tweet and social network our way to a billion dollar company. We aren’t Kim Kardashian. Fucking tools.
Yeah, same deal here, with a heaping side of “oh yes, we’ll give our product away to the first [del]few[/del] [del]several[/del] dozen or so of our customers to build word of mouth.” It’s AMAZING how many feature requests you get from customers who KNOW that you’re relying on them to be marketing assets.
Also, chain of command issues. “Zeriel, you’re in charge of the version of our software for Company X. No, you can’t issue direct tasks to the QA department. No, I’m not telling the developers that it’s your responsibility to get it out the door on time–you just, y’know, make sure it gets done.” That last one almost got me into a fistfight (at 1:45AM on a release day, with the lead developer and a showstopper bug) and fired and threatened with a lawsuit (by the CEO, after I reacted to said almost fistfight by unilaterally slipping the release date).
Oh, and the owner (not CEO) who would call me into his office a few times a day. “Hey, Zeriel, can you look at my computer?” So he could discuss EVE Online with me. Which game he played around 6 hours a day while in the office and ostensibly working–including while on calls with clients.
And I do mind the hours when I’m getting paid 25% less than straight-line median salary for the job title and experience. If you want 90-hour weeks out of me, including me wearing three separate director hats with shitty delegation, you’d best be giving me the dosh. I wasn’t even getting options (not that they were worth anything).
Two defenses for customers who call and fail to pay attention to the greeting:
- In recent years, consumers are used to long greetings. “Thank you for calling Joe’s Pizza Shack, home of the super extra meat lovers for only $9.99, second one for half price, this is Dave speaking, would you like to try this and our super amazing cheesy bread sticks with your order?”
After hearing this for a while, your brain begins to go on shut down mode when calling any business. You begin to not listen to a damn thing they say until they shut up and let you ask your question. Even if it is just “Park Street Meat Market”, your brain pays no attention to any of that because you’ve conditioned yourself to ignore business greetings.
- Park Street Meat Market could have originally been on Park Street, but opened a new/second business at a different location. If I call Texas Steakhouse, it doesn’t mean it is in Texas.
