I purchased a box of wine last week, and the cardboard was seemingly reluctant to yield to my advances in terms of opening the bugger. So I grabbed a sharp knife and stabbed into the area where the ‘opening’ was located…and in the process, punctured the inner-bladder, lost half of the 2 litres, rendering my efforts rather futile and my clothes and benchtops rather wet and red-stained.
One should not try to open a wine cask with a knife.
One should also not try to wear jeans that are a size too small, especially when the top they are wearing has suddenly shrunk THREE sizes from the tumble-dryer.
I learned years ago one should not plunge one’s hands into a bin full of recyclables in order to sort glass from metal, especially when the metal cans have sharp edges. I have a rather large scar on one pinkie where a significant flap of skin was cut loose by one such metal can.
I did get rid of the particular can opener that left the can in such a condition. Sure, the lid would no longer cut a person, but the can itself? OUCH!
Anyway, I’m lucky now - our recycle center takes mixed bottles and cans. I just toss the whole bag in and they sort it. Huzzah!
My mom has a good story about dad and one of his finer messes.
Dad had his favorite chair in the living room. It was his spot. That’s where he always was. He had his side table, calculator, lamp, dictionary, books, etc. all right there.
One day he decided it was time to sharpen and oil the chain-saw, so of course he sits in his spot to do it. No big deal. He sharpens it and oils it all up, but then he decides to start the thing up. Oil went flying all over the room onto drapes, carpet, furniture… Dang, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see it.
Along the same lines, my engineer dad, who surely should have kown better, decided to soften a tube of glue by heating it in the oven. After the explosion, he turned to my mom and said, “Don’t say a word! I’m going to Jeff’s Maytag right now.” The new stove was delivered before the end of the day.
Know of a fellow who worked for a company with two tall buildings on either side of a street. There was a conveyor belt tunnel from one building to the other - for moving boxes or something. He needs to get from one building to the other and, of course, tries the tunnel (against the rules). He hops up on the belt, crouches to fit into the tunnel, slips his fingers under its edges to hold on, and disappears into the darkness.
He didn’t know that there was a transition from one belt to another halfway across the tunnel. So the belt suddenly drops down as it goes around a big roller pulley, doing its best to take his fingers with it (and with the considerable tension that results as the belt rounds the pulley, it did an excellent hob). It dislocated both his shoulders. Oh, and did for him a power face plant against the starting roller of the other belt. All in the dark in a little tunnel high above the street.
Those really smart dads can do some of the dumbest things. I miss my dad so much I can hardly stand it. If yours is still alive go give him a big ass hug. I bet an engineer type dad would totally freak out on that.
My dad learned the hard way that hard boiled eggs are best made the old fashioned way – in a pot of boiling water, because microwaves just make things … messy.
I learned the hard way that chili + thin plastic container + microwave = nuclear puddle.
Agreed: my physics professor dad used to gently heat cans of condensed milk until they turn into caramel, as an occasional treat. One day he had an impromptu nap while doing this and only woke up when the can assploded all over the kitchen, lodging the saucepan lid in the ceiling and staining a good amount of the cabinets with burned caramel. There were even little silhouettes of counter appliances marked out on the walls where the appliance had shielded the wall from the blast.
Bless you,** indecisive1**. My dad is 16 years gone and I wish I could give him a big ass hug, although he was not the hugging type, and now I have to go find box of damn kleenex.
Never try to adjust the front brake calipers on your bicycle whilst riding it … unless you want the skin peeled from the back of your hand by the rotating spokes when you hand becomes stuck between the forks and the wheel.
When cutting the neck off a t-shirt, don’t stick the scissors between your knees while you check the symmetry and then bend down to grab them as they start to slip.
You’ll end up with scissors hanging from your calf, and a trip to the ER for stitches. :smack:
Actually wine casks are a superior method of wine storage since they prevent oxygen from coming into contact with the wine once opened. It’s just that most manufacturers pick the cheapest wine they can get their hands on.
On a related not if you’re in hospital (especially the ER) and they ask you to rate your pain on a scale from 1 to 10 do not think “it could be worse”. Always say “10”, always.
