I’ve been reading through some old threads if “worst gifts” “horrible in-laws” and “bad holidays”, and a common theme seems to be newlywed women getting pissed about receiving mops, dust-buster or other cleaning or household stuff from their Mother-in-law.
I get it if the MIL was probably being passive-aggressive, or had a running commentary on the clean-ness of her house or something, but a lot of these stories seem to have none of that: just an automatic link between “receive mop” and “be offended”. It’s symbolic, a political commentary on the role of a wife in the home, timeless unspoken rebuke etc.
But I would be thrilled if my MIL gave me a fancy household article. I have real trouble pulling my weight in the home, and my SO does most of the cleaning. I get that I’m supposed to be offended, I probably should be offended, but I wouldn’t be. Not really. I guess I’m the odd one out though.
Anyone have those moment? When you realize that you should be offended, but aren’t really?
(My MIL being a sweet, lovely woman who loves me probably has something to do with this.)
I guess I’m supposed to fall down in an apoplectic fit whenever I hear the word cunt, but it actually doesn’t bother me. Cunt cunt Cuntly McCunterson. Nope, nothing.
I don’t get out of sorts when someone calls me a bitch. For ME, it means the same thing as jerk, just people seem to see “jerk” as more masculine.
I actually try to always use “jerk” just to keep it gender-neutral but I don’t think I’ve ever been “NO YOU DI’N’T!” if someone were to call me a bitch, or say I was being bitchy.
Then again, I don’t know how often I’m ever called a bitch. Maybe if it were more, I’d be more offended.
Relating to MIL…I was talking to my husband about this just last night.
The first time I ever “did” Thanksgiving dinner (while married to my first husband) his parents came down and she brought a cooked turkey. Just in case.
I didn’t cause a scene. It’s hard to screw up a turkey and mine turned out alright. But after they left my then husband got an earful. I told my now husband that young women feel in competetion with their MIL, and they, us. But we shouldn’t. How much better to just join forces, cut the workload in half, and commiserate? But maybe that comes with time.
Words? Bitch doesn’t bother me. I call anybody who pisses me off a dick, male or female. Cunt bothers me, tho. It has a “thunking” sound, like an axe (real or symbolic) cleaving a woman in two. From whom all humans flow. Respect your mama and don’t go there.
Regifting. If you didn’t buy the gift you’re giving me, I really don’t care. I’m delighted you thought of me, and (assuming it’s something I can use/want), I’m happy to give it a new home. Ditto gifts bought at the thrift/resale store, on sale or with a gift card/certificate. For me, it really is the thought - that you thought of me - that counts, not whether you opened your wallet and spent your own cash.
Naughty/slutty nurse images and costumes. I get a kick out of them, to be honest. I can totally understand where the fantasy comes from, and as long as it remains a fantasy, I’m okay with that.
“Misrepresentations” of witches/pagans in movies and popular culture. A) Don’t name your religious identity after an already established negative image if it bothers you so much and B) watching 2 hours of middle aged women sitting in a living room drinking wine, complaining about their jobs and burning sage would be really, really boring. Of course they’re going to add in flying broomsticks and sparks shooting from fingertips, the reality is far less ticket worthy.
Being called fat, or hearing others being called fat, doesn’t offend me. I don’t like it when it is automatically lumped with other derogatory terms, but as a descriptor, it fits me perfectly - I am fat.
Also, I really don’t mind if you buy me something from a charity shop. And I don’t mind if you ask if you can exchange something I gave you. I bought it for you to be happy with, if you’d rather take it back and get the one you actually wanted that’s fine. I’ll give you the receipt.
I just found my great-grandmother’s little book from when she was a nurse in WW1. It’s full of poems and drawings from the soldiers she looked after and they all clearly fancied the pants off her. It’s absolutely adorable. They drew pictures of her as an angel, or a greek godess. The poems are all about her gentle hands and how much they love her. So sweet! They must’ve spent the rest of their lives fantasising about nurses though, hehehe!
I am not sure if this is going to open a can of worms, if it does I apologize in advance.
I work with a variety of people with different countries and continents of origin, and different ethnic identities. I am sandy haired, green eyed Caucasian. One time a woman I worked with, who was born in the Phillipines. was commenting on Caucasians having "pointy"noses while Asians had “flat” noses. Other Filipina co workers were very indignant on my behalf. One even went and told me that if I wanted to complain to management about that comment, she would back me up. Apparently this was a BIG DEAL to them, that my co worker should talk about nose shapes. It didn’t bother me. I am still not sure if this is some kind of racial slur, or what, and I don’t care.
My inner-feminist – and my girlfriend – tell me I should offended by the sexist representation of female flight attendants in Virgin Atlantic ads. But I love them, especially the James Bond one.
I’ve heard from Asians that “big nose” is supposed to be a huge insult to people of European ancestry, but personally I don’t care. I do have a pretty big nose. I’d look incredibly ridiculous with a tiny Asian flat nose, my big nose suits the rest of my features. So if Asians want to call me “big nose”, fine; I do not find it insulting even if it’s meant to be.
I was once regifted back my own gift. I’d bought the standard “I have no idea what you like so here is a basket from Bath and Body Works” gift for my aunt. About a year later my mother was over there and was offered some lotion by her niece (whom the aunt had given the basket to), which she brought home and offered to me. It was the same damn lotion. I was amused. I regift myself so I didn’t care.
I’ve read on message boards where people get all bent out of shape when people in the service industry (servers, etc.) call them “sweetie” or “hon” or something like that. Doesn’t bother me at all. It actually cheers me up.
When I was in my 20’s I was at a bar with a guy and I was wearing a short skirt - a rare thing for me. I saw him talking to a girl he knew. She nodded towards me and said to him “You’re here with her? She looks like a slut.” I damn near busted a gut laughing because I knew that was the farthest thing from the truth.
I don’t really care if a random guy grabs my ass at the club. I would care in any other context (even a non-crowded bar…it just makes a difference when everyone is all squished together anyway as opposed to walking right up to someone and doing it), but at a club…eh.
Some people here, I get the idea, would freak the fuck out over that.
I am also very pragmatic for gifts. Want to give me cash? Sure, why not? I think it’s because no one in my family really knows what I like and I’d much rather get money so I can get it myself. it’s way better than getting a specific gift that is not enjoyed. Ditto for gift cards. And regifting is cool. If you got something you don’t like and I do, then it makes a fine gift if you give it to me.
In fact, I never have understood the current habit I have seen of people getting so supremely bent out of shape over every little thing. I guess it has been effective, though, as I tend to be terrified of offending people and, as such, don’t really do or say anything that could possibly construed as anything other than what I did or said. Not that it helps much.
I would have a very negative reaction to physical contact that personal with a stranger in any setting, but that’s me.
I’ll chime in on the “I don’t care whether or not you spent $X on a gift for me, I’m a lot happier if it’s something you have good reason to think I would find useful or enjoyable, even if it’s a regift, hand-me-down, etc.”, since I don’t measure love by dollars spent.
I don’t mind regifting if it is done tastefully and NOT TO THE SAME PERSON. My ex mother in law tried to give me funky socks that her son gave her for her birthday three months before. Not even as a “present” as a “someone gave me these things and they aren’t for me so im cleaning up” situation. I was amused, ex husband was insulted. We left in a hurry.
