I’ve come around on the cash as a wedding gift issue. In light of the fact that our wedding gift traditions come from a time when newlyweds were moving into a new home for the first time, and actually needed <i>stuff</i>, it seems silly and wasteful to give things that aren’t needed to couples who have already established homes. And of course, some non-Western cultures have always held that cash is an appropriate, non-tacky wedding gift.
The hats indoors issue makes me want to point out that women’s traditional hats are almost always okay to be worn indoors, including while as a guest in someone else’s home, at church, during the national anthem, and in restaurants. It’s funny to me that I occasionally hear someone commenting on how tacky a woman is for wearing a hat indoors – but that’s a misunderstanding of the rules for men’s hats. A ladies hat is considered part of the hair style. (Women should remove hats if they are blocking someone’s view, such as in a theater, and baseball caps worn by women do not count here.)
Of course she was and still is. Or else you end up with three toasters, two ironing boards and a ton of junk you just throw away like I did at my wedding.
Pinks were for hunting - which involved horses, a pack of hounds, and a chase over the countryside. A tweed suit was proper for shooting, which meant downing birds that beaters frightened into the sky.
I have a dear friend who was a debutante in the little South Carolina town where she grew up.
She’s an avid gamer, a feminist, an IT technical writer who kept her maiden name when she married; but she still can’t bring herself to drink beer out of the bottle.
You should have had a registry. Or smarter friends.
But the couple themselves do not ask for it, in any tradition I’m familiar with.
As to the rest, I can only say again, registries (to be revealed only when inquired about) and savvy among your guests are all you can look to.
There’s nothing wrong with giving non-“household” things as wedding gifts, for couples that have their households.
The deeper point is that expecting or requiring material gifts from your guests, in any context, is always crass. You are supposed to invite people to your events because you want to share the occasion with them. The invitation is your gift to them. Their attendance is their gift to you. That’s why the appropriate response to receiving a further material gift, be it for your wedding, your birthday, anything, is always happy surprise. And it is never couth to act as if getting swag is central to the event’s significance. (“Shower” events are different because they are not planned or hosted by the gift recipient.)
Right. The principle similarly does not pertain to men’s headgear which is unrelated to protection from the elements, such as religious or court items.
There’s a big difference between being ok giving people cash and being ok with them asking you for cash. Personally I think it’s polite to have a registry for people who prefer giving a real gift, but the tackiest part is when you come right out and tell people you not only expect them to get you a gift, but that it should be cash.
I think a major reason this changed is that men mostly wear hats for fashion now, not as outdoor wear. Back in the early part of the 20th century men’s hats were generally more functional outdoor wear, so ‘take off your hat and coat indoors’ made sense. Women’s hats were more about style than function, so the ‘no hats indoors’ rule didn’t apply to them. Now men’s hats aren’t the default and tend to be a conscious fashion choice, so people tend to treat them as ‘part of the outfit’ instead of ‘outerwear you remove when you’re inside’.
As an example of people wearing hats purely for look and not function, I present this oft-mocked guy:
Tatoos in general. They used to be, if not rare, at least uncommon in the general population. Few men other than convicts and sailors had them. And tatoos on women were unheard of! Nowadays you see multiple tatoos on arms, legs, backs and faces. Faces! :eek:
And now that the “tramp stamp” is the butt of jokes (pun intended ) I bet all those little girls who thought it was so cool are regretting their impulsive decisions.
Also men with pierced ears. Any guy wearing an earring “pre-hippie” days would have gotten his ass kicked for sure.
We both mutually agreed to do a playful version of this at our wedding 22 years ago. Why? We got a kick out of food fights as kids. No divorce here. Together until he passed away almost a month ago.
Regardless, I’m not saying it wasn’t tacky. Or silly. Just not necessarily sad.
My contribution… not sending Thank You cards after gifts for special occasions. I can’t remember how many times in the last decade that I’ve seen folks receive presents after a wedding or baby shower, only to never write in response how appreciative they are. Right now, I’m in the process of sending a ton out and trust me, it is time consuming and slightly painful if prolonged. However, I just can’t see not doing it. Those people cared enough about you to waste their time and money, choose something and get it to you. The least I can do is be grateful.
I did the local Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving morning, and just before a lovely woman sang the national anthem a capella, the announcer instructed us, several times, to take off our hats. Only about half the people in the crowd did (and yes, I did). I don’t do the hand-over-heart thing, but I will take off my baseball cap!
Being a “victim”.
Having a mental illness or neurosis.
Having all manner of special dietary needs and food “allergies”.
Having a child with a learning disability and/or ADHD and/or the above.
Being a felon.
Having a relative who is a felon.
Maybe these things used to be shameful rather than tacky, but they are considered normal now.
I learned in this thread that it used to be considered normal to not feed young children and/or always leave them at home to fend for themselves. That seems like it would be a “low-class” thing to me, but I suppose they could all have nannies. The nannies probably breastfed the kids as well. I previously learned here that in olden times all families who weren’t destitute commonly employed multiple servants. So I guess it would make sense.
I don’t go to funerals at all. So I guess I avoid accidentally disrespecting anyone who doesn’t exist. I really hope I don’t have a funeral for this reason, among others. Though I suppose it will be a non-issue.
This is beyond tacky, but obviously some people don’t care. My cousin’s husband of many decades came to his mother-in-law’s funeral in a stretched-out polo shirt, pilly polyester khakis, and worn-out hush puppies. My aunt was the sweetest lady you could ever have met, and for him to show up like he was taking time out from cleaning the garage… I don’t know how my cousin puts up with him!
Brings to mind when the groom’s brother showed up at the wedding in a polo shirt, shorts, and boat shoes. The photo of the family was really, um, interesting. That day was the first and last time I was around that man - he really impressed me as an ass (and not just because of his clothes.)
) I bet all those little girls who thought it was so cool are regretting their impulsive decisions.
