Inspired by the MPSIMS thread about the fired Asst Principal, and a previous one about men taking their hats off at the table.
When I was younger, it seemed there were a lot more “rules” regarding public conduct/interaction. I recognize that prior generations used such rules to solidify the position of the “haves.” As a general matter, I welcome increased diversity/tolerance and changing mores. But I often wonder if it is possible for at least some interactions and expectations to become TOO informal. And perhaps it is my age and upbringing, but something doesn’t seem right in assuming “anything goes.”
So what - if any - rules or expectations regarding public behavior/interaction do you favor? What sorts of public behaviors do you interpret as showing a lack or courtesy or poor manners?
Are there any examples of behavior you used to think was required/expected, only to realize at some point, “Why did I think that?”
To get things rolling, one that sorta bothers me is allowing children to be unruly in “public” places such as trains or restaurants. I don’t think you need to go all the way back to “children should be seen but not heard” to acknowledge that kids ought to learn how to use “indoors voices.”
I’m fine with the “certain level” modifier to restaurants. But unless it is a freaking Chuck-E-Cheese or McD’s w/ a playpen… Must admit, I don’t frequent Applebees/Olive Garden. And when our kids were really young, we solved the problem by not taking them out to many restaurants.
The phone calls in restaurants is a great example. And I’ll add in using speakerphone function in SO MANY situations. You and I agree - but there are a HUGE number of folk who would adamantly say we are wrong. How do you deal with that, when a huge portion (majority? or just annoyingly large minority) simply ignores what you consider basic norms of decency?
And - of course - none of this is life of death. Just what makes existence slightly more pleasant/smooth, with each individual not unnecessarily bothering others.
So - no smoking outdoors when there are people downwind? No cigar/pipe outdoors?
I’ll also offer - no modifying vehicles to increase their noise emission. With a subtle regarding blasting car/motorcycle stereos/massive wafers. Perhaps publicly available bazookas to address this?
I’m big on disapproving this. My wife and I once had a disagreement when she was home but talking to her mother, who was at a restaurant. I insisted she stop the conversation so that her mother wouldn’t violate my rule. My wife thought I was a bit out of line, not being at the restaurant nor a party to the conversation.
Others: People should use turn signals. People should dress up for court. When sitting behind someone at a sporting event, you don’t have be silent, but for the love of god, do not talk for the entire game, especially loudly and about stupid stuff.
I really try to not be TOO intolerant. So while I consider smoking (tobacco, at least) to be vile, I recognize that in a society my preferences are not paramount. So I’ll personally tolerate SOME smoking outdoors - provided there is enough space between us.
So elaborate on this, please. First of all, I hope it is rare indeed that I am dragged to view a sporting event. But in the event I cannot avoid it, unless I bring a book, I’m likely gonna hope for at least a little conversation to avoid the tedium.
So what are the acceptable “non-stupid” topics of conversation at sporting events? Personally, I’d prefer just restricting volume/tone.
How about at a game/concert, where the person in front of you thinks it is great to stand through the whole event?
To add another wrinkle - in any of the situations suggested - do you say/do anything? What reaction do you expect? And then how do you react to THAT?
I had two experences recently that prompted this topic. The first were two people right behind my wife and I at a Mariners game. They cram you in, so they are literally 12 to 18 inches behind us. They spent the whole game chatting (loudly) about everything except baseball. Like I said, some of that is fine and expected. These two (one of them primarily) honestly barely paused to catch her breath for 9 innings. I was so happy when she ordered a beer, because for a brief second each time she took a sip, she had to stop talking.
The next time we had five drunk 20 somethings behind us yelling up and down their row loudly the entire game. Everyone seems oblivious these days to the fact that other people are around. Have fun, talk amongst yourselves, cheer for your team or don’t, but please set some limits in consideration of those around you.
You’re going to look at me like I’ve got two heads, but as a pedestrian I still like to see and manifest some consciously respectful demeanor when a funeral cortege passes in the street.
Not saying people have to take off their hats and bow their heads or anything, but just pull back on the sidewalk romping and screaming (unless you are an actual young child, of course) while the hearse goes by.
That’s one that never crossed my mind. I’ll have to think on it. Course I don’t do too much “romping and screaming” myself.
There are more times that - as a driver - I’ve been less than thrilled about long corteges going through controlled intersections, etc. But I’m not big on elaborate funerals - especially if religious.
I don’t really have a problem with people around me at a game talking constantly - but the people who stand constantly are another story. I’m sitting in my seat because I want to sit- if I wanted to stand through the whole game, I’d be standing on the concourse behind the seats and not blocking the view of the people sitting behind me.
Putting on makeup - OK, so a quick dab of lipstick is no big deal
Flossing/picking teeth - no one wants to see this. No one!
Loudly blowing nose (especially at a table in a restaurant) - It’s one thing to dab a little drip, quite another to attract moose while you empty your sinuses (Looking pointedly at my FIL)
Belching loudly - when it’s inadvertent, one says “Excuse me”, when it’s deliberate, it’s childish and disgusting.
Clipping nails - You suddenly break a nail and want to nip the rough edge - no biggie. You decide all your nails are too long - take it to privacy. And toenails need to be dealt with discreetly in private, too.
Doing your hair - definitely not at the table; generally, is this really something you need to be doing for an audience?
Seriously, no one wants to witness your personal grooming/toilette practices. OK, maybe someone might, but I certainly don’t. I don’t want to see your undergarments, either!
Oh man - probably 20 years ago, but I can still remember when one guy decided to clip his nails IN CHURCH! How his wife managed to refrain from throttling him I cannot imagine. And if he did THAT in CHURCH…
I read the thread title and the first thing that popped into my head was Take off your MFing hat indoors (not just at the table). I reported for jury duty last Monday (excused for health reasons) and not only was the dude to my right wearing a ball cap (which never came off), he also had on a too tight, well-worn T-shirt with Proud to be a Trump Deplorable on it. FOR JURY DUTY! Oh, I was excused for being hyper-sensitive to the colognes/perfumes affecting my asthma – the judge didn’t bat an eyelash.
I open/hold doors for anyone. Don’t like it? Boo hoo!
Any others?
How his wife managed to refrain from throttling him I cannot imagine. And if he did THAT in CHURCH…