GH057 and **simster **- you guys made my morning.
Now come over hear and rest your head on my ample bosom while I thank you . . . .with double noogies on your head!!
Wiseguy, eh?? C’mere. (and yes, I was doing that with my stooges voice).
now get your dang tools off the table. The steak is almost ready.
I can’t think of a better end to the thread than this. Well done.
corkboard, I was joking. I’m learning a trade that requires all sorts of weird tools that don’t come in regular tool catalogs. Sorry I left the smilies out.
I am so happy right now - steak, bosoms and stooges - oh my!
No worries- just jealous that the bulk of my life is spent in the office when I’d much rather be buying and using tools!
I’ve got that particular issue completely beaten. My girlfriend is a talented multi-instrumentalist, plays guitar herself, and owns more violins (her primary instrument) than I do guitars. WIN!
Men in a group of 3 or more are required to eat at whatever place has the most visible cleavage.
“TVs showing sports” can be substituted for “visible cleavage”, if trying to avoid trouble with the wife.
“TVs shows sports” AND “visible cleavage” is an automatic win.
You’re right, honey, I don’t know exactly where I’m going. But if you don’t let me find out where this road leads, how will I ever know that it really is a bad idea and not an awesome shortcut? How will I learn this area?
And anyway, we’re going in the generally right direction - and yes, I know that because I looked at the sun, which really does rise in the east and set in the west, totally reliably, every single day, and that’s why it is a totally valid way of telling directions. So just sit tight and enjoy the slightly-longer-than-usual drive, ok?
Male here.
Standard exchange with my wife after a weekend away with my friend.
Yes, I did spend 2 days hanging out golfing and drinking with my best buddy. What did we talk about? I dunno, nothing i guess. Really. No, I do not know how his mom and dad are. No, I do not know how his physical therapy is going. He seemed to be walking fine when he was not staggering. I have no idea about his sisters new baby. Boy or Girl? I have no idea. I knew she had one but I did not see it. on and on.
I am not sure why my wife does not understand but yes it is possible for my buddy and I to hang out for a weekend, not talk about anything and still have a good time. 
You meant to say “serves the hottest food”, right?
One I encountered once: I was in JFK airport, answering a call of nature, and saw that each of the urinals had a small decal of a fly in it. I, of course, recognized it immediately as a clever idea, and I’m quite fond of clever ideas, so when I came back out, I excitedly informed my traveling companions (my mother and a female cousin) of the clever idea I’d seen implemented. “What,” my cousin said, “it’s a reminder to zip up your fly?”. Nor did Mom get it, either. I’ve since told others about this experience, and invariably, the men get it, and the women don’t.
Time - Women have a completely different understanding of time -
“I’ll be ready in a minute” - when said by a woman means “just keep waiting, eventually I’ll be ready and we’ll leave” - to the point that many men (me included) set the departure schedule a full hour ahead of actual intended departure to account for it.
Similarly - when men say - ‘I’ll get right on it’ means “its on the todo list and will be taken care of in order of preference and precedence, any futher questions on it will reduce both of those factors” - the exception to that, of course, is nuggy time - that we will do immediately and without delay.
Women do not like being reminded that there “in a minute” is the same as mens “in a minute” - they expect ours to be litterally 60 seconds (or right now) while their’s is meant to be much more leniant, by a factor of X. (x is never known when talking about women)
Now that I’ve gone back and read the rest of the thread, quoth niblet_head:
My dad has the annoying and sexist habit of not only referring to all female humans as “gal”, but in sticking it in when it’s not appropriate. He’ll talk about having an appointment with a gal doctor, or having his case heard by a gal judge, or the like. In his world, there are doctors and gal doctors, judges and gal judges. I’ve tried many times to explain to him that if a doctor is a girl, then she’s quite a remarkable prodigy, and that even with the adult form, a “woman doctor” would be a gynecologist, not anyone that would be treating him.
umm, **simster **- i have the opposite problem.
When I say I’m ready, I’m at the door, hand on the knob, ready to go. It’s time to go? Let’s go!
However, when my current boyfriend says he’s ready, he means that he needs to change into pants (he tends to wear shorts/pajama bottoms in the house), find and put on his shoes, and then load up with his wallet, keys, sunglasses and additional accoutrements as needed.
That being said - it’s still only 5 minutes later from when he says he’s ready - so I really can’t complain. It’s just a different in perception of “ready”
Now, my ex-husband. Sheesh. “Almost ready” meant at least 45 more minutes - during which time I would get scolded for being fully ready and waiting on the couch for him because it stressed him out, and scolded for doing stuff because that would indicate i wasn’t really ready after all, and scolded if i ran and got gas or cleaned out the car or something - because then i was making him look bad.
Love that word: ex-husband. A positive reinforcement of the correction of unfortunate incarceration.
Maybe its just that no matter what ‘my’ definition of “in a minute” means (which may very well depend entirely on the moment its being said, and subject to change the next time I say it), the person to whom I am saying it always has a different definition.
There must be a caculation somewhere that describes the variance in defintion relative to task at hand.
I’ts not a linear scale - my “in a minute” to go visit your <insert insane (by my definition) relative or attend <insert old friend of yours that I don’t know/like> wedding/graduation/etc is going to be very different than the “in a minute” to go see latest action movie starring the three stooges and Angelina - or go to sears.
Its a wonder clocks were ever invented.
Except that, in my childhood I was constantly corrected by my friend’s mother when I used the term “Lady” to refer to a “woman”. Because she was an actual “Lady” (title of nobility) and didn’t take kindly to the common usage.
Which goes to show, you can’t please everyone.