If you’re a notorious Nazi war criminal, you probably shouldn’t go back to your old concentration camp to reminisce.
Girl, that haggard old woman on the horse at the top of the cliff shrieking at you is really your future self, warning you not to elope with that shiftless, alcoholic bum…and also warning you to stay out of the sun and moisturize frequently.
Forget everything you know about your life; it’s a lie. You are really a department store mannequin, who was granted life for one month, and c’mon! Your month is over and it’s time for you to return.
Death looks like Robert Redford, and he’s a sweetheart who’s nice to old ladies.
There must be a single norm! A single virtue! A single purpose!
It’s a good thing that you the kid made that hideously deformed Jack-in-the-box.
You are OBSOLETE! OBSOLETE! OBSOLETE! OBSOLETE!
Always be nice to people.
If you did wrong earlier in life, 'fess up, and beg for forgiveness.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Conformity is bad, but doing your own thing can get you killed.
Always double-check to see how big you are compared to things around you.
Beauty is only skin-deep, if that.
Don’t assume that you’re still alive.
The same thing for dolls. And ventriloquist dummies.
Watch out for ironic reversals.
Just who do you listen to on that radio, Steve?
Don’t EVER hang with Billy Mumy
If you’re going to stick a knife in your enemies grave, don’t wear a duster
(even if you’re as bad-ass as Lee Marvin, no good will come of it)
If anyone tells you there’s “room for one more” on anything, catch the next one. Any inconvenience you suffer will be tempered by your being alive to suffer it.
I imagine it would be tough to do this. He takes up two seats and his ego takes up a third.
Hey Ohhhhhhhh!
When you get on an airliner, just be happy to land in your own century.
Always attempt to sell old cars with mystical properties to the Soviet Premier.
If you can’t see, whether it’s because you are blind or just because the power went out, don’t go stumbling around in the dark.
(Side note: How come whenever I’m flipping through the on screen guide and see that Twilight Zone is on, it’s always this same episode? )
Submitted for your consideration: a man has a television set, a remote, and all the channels he could ask for. But he’s about to find that he may be the entertainment this particular sweeps week. Reception isn’t always clear… in the Twilight Zone.
If your daughter asks for a Talking Tina for Christmas is it time to find a new daughter.
That the starship C57-D from Forbidden Planet was a very popular design for many human and non-human civilizations.
Nobody ever claimed this was Heaven, sir. My dear man…THIS IS THE OTHER PLACE! A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
If you ever wish to be a major world-leader be very, very specific about it.
Never pick up hitchikers! Also, be very nice to bratty kids with psychokinetic powers!
Never, never agree to leave the earth (on an experimental spaceship).
Finally:when you die, make sure your dog dies with you (he will guide you into the “real” heaven).
That’s a Third Rock from the Sun reference, isn’t it? Damn. Can’t find it on YouTube.
Those gold bars aren’t going to get you squat.