If you’re stocking a rural New Hampshire cabin for a couple of months stay, and that cabin has no connections to the outside world, include some decent DVDs.
You too can learn to be a chemotherapy tech from YouTube videos!
The best laid plans can turn to crap because of a crap.
A volumetric flask is for general mixing and titration. You wouldn’t apply heat to a volumetric flask. That’s what a boiling flask is for.
Grill sea bass in a little foil pouch, delicious.
Red phosphorus in the presence of moisture and accelerated by heat yields phosphorus hydride. Phosphine gas. One good wiff, and phewf…
There are incredible items available in the Skymall catalog.
And ‘tortuga’ means ‘turtle,’ bitch.
The universal symbol for keys.
If you’re committed enough, you can make any story work.
If you’re having an argument with your wife, don’t put your head under an ATM.
Never accept a hamburger from a crank whore.
I’m immensely glad I live in a country with universal health care 
Never stand on the roof of a Porta Potty.
Giant magnets can flip a truck.
Learn to accept “yes” for an answer.
Never user half measures.
That breathing thing doesn’t work. They don’t teach that anymore.
Real criminals meet in the mall, not in isolated junk yards
Some diners do carry specialty teas.
If someone tells you they “know a guy who knows a guy”, walk a way and don’t look back.
A car wash is good at laundering lots of cars, but not so good at laundering lots of
money.
Science, bitch!
Never trust a junkie.
You can set off an explosive at your feet that won’t hurt you but will still blow out all the windows in the room.
Gatorade can be verbed.
No man talks to the DEA.
Conscience gets expensive.
Scientists love lasers.
Before driving into the desert make sure you have spare gas cans and a good battery.
Cows live in houses like anyone else.
Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans.
You can make poison out of beans, yo.
A television show really can change people’s lives. Given repeated exposure, even grown adults will call every inanimate object that annoys them (printer malfunctions, IRS notices, etc.) ‘bitch.’
This… is not meth.
Always, always, ALWAYS set your secret second cell phone (the one you don’t want your wife to know about) to silence when you’re in the house.
When you’re daughter dies of an overdose, take the full time off you’re allotted to grieve. Going back to work will not help take your mind off of her.
One single fly can ruin an entire batch of meth.
Don’t go around quoting Walt Whitman and saying words like “sympatico.”
You’re not allowed to smoke within 20 feet of hospital entrances. And orderlies, for whatever reason, don’t respond to “Roll me further, bitch.”
You can make a car battery out of brake drums.
Guys with death’s heads on their cowboy boots are best avoided.
Tighty whiteys are really unattractive.
Chemistry is the science of change.
It’s actually pretty easy to lock someone up in your basement with a bike lock. As much as we all secretly kinda wanted to try that out, it’s probably best not to get into that situation in the first place.
Cooking meth in the basement during an open house will significantly depress a home’s value.
Skinny Pete is a talented musician.
And Badger isn’t.
And so is Badger on the double-neck… 
“We sound great!”