On workplace comedies (Mary Tyler Moore, Dick van Dyke, WKRP) whenever somebody got fired or quit, all the other people in the office would do madcap shit to get that somebody back. I’ve never once seen that happen in real life. The usual reaction instead was “Thank God. Dibs on his printer.”
The average age to become a breakout author or popular fashion designer is 23.
I had one in one apartment. It was a pain in the ass. Or the face, more precisely, when someone would be coming out as you were trying to go in. We eventually got a doorstop to keep it permanently open. That same apartment came with a Whacky Neighbor. Also not all it’s cracked up to be, although she was fine entertainment for the first month or so. Then she just got really annoying, and we seriously contemplated a restraining order.
Per the OP: I thought that getting drunk made you forget what you did. Not, like, getting blackout drunk is a thing that occasionally happens to severe alcoholics or binge drinkers on the verge of alcohol poisoning, but that getting a little tipsy would cause you to do regrettable things with strangers that you wouldn’t be able to remember in the morning.
I had the notion that overhearing just enough of a conversation to get a disastrously wrong impression would be a common thing in my life.
But, I’m 56 years old and this has never once happened to me. I’m running out of time.
I am so using this line.
I still think this is true.
My sister got sick and tired of play dates. After awhile she felt like she was being an unpaid babysitter. As far as I know she never became friends with any of the parents.
According to TV I was convinced that you are a total loser if you don’t move out of your parents house by the time your twenty. My sister claims this isn’t true but I’m still not really convinced.
…Stu…dying…one month left…
That students go through every grade in elementary school, high school, and even college with the same group of students and even teachers!
It took me about a week to realize that school groups were about as stable as the population of a departure gate at the airport.
[quote=“Aquadementia, post:52, topic:735137”]
If you didn’t have a date every Saturday night you would be a social misfit.
QUOTE]
And to get a date you’d take out your little black book with dozens of names in it, all ranked by level of sluttiness. You’d then call one of them on Friday, see if she was busy tomorrow, and then tell her you’d pick her up at 8. But you wouldn’t tell her where you’d be going, so I have no idea how she’d know what to wear.
As a kid I honestly thought that adult jobs just let you leave and arrive and come go as you pleased (obviously as long as you did the job). Characters on tv shows, even with mundane jobs, never seemed to have trouble getting time off, or needing to be somewhere else during the day.
As a freshmen in high school, a club I was in was having a weekday pre-class breakfast at a restaurant downtown. My mom gave me a ride down and then went home to get ready for work. I was supposed to get a ride to school with a friend. My friend didn’t show up and everyone else’s cars were full, so I called my mom and asked her to come get me. My mom came down, picked me up and took me home and then headed across town to work–she was about a half-hour late.
I remember feeling so bad years later when it came up that her boss was a dick and wrote her up for being late and made her fill out a vacation request form for the 30 minutes.
Every poker game will have a policeman among the card players who, as soon as he starts losing, will say, “I oughta bust the whole lot of you for gambling.”
When I fell out of a tree I was climbing and broke my ankle, I was positive the family dog would ford rushing rivers, climb stone walls, dodge cars on the highway, and miraculously make her way back to my house and somehow communicate to my mother that I was in trouble.
Alas, she just sat there on the ground by me and looked mournful.
I thought when I grew up and got a real job it would come with an annual Christmas bonus. And the bonus would be enough to buy an in-ground swimming pool.
I see what you did there.
I always thought that as soon as you grew up and got a job you could afford to move out into your own place with no problems. When I was 13 I saw my cousin who had moved in with her boyfriend and she was talking about how difficult it was. I was like “But don’t you have savings?” She then explained to me what “paycheque to paycheque” means. 
I watched Wings and was convinced that the departure gate at the airport was a consistent, stable group that even had the same cab driver every day.
When someone broke into and tried to unsuccessfully hot-wire my friends car (something that presumably looked easier to the perpetrator in the movies than it was in real life). I assumed that when we called the police they would dust for prints and investigate, instead they simply recorded the incident and moved on to more important work.
Also just a couple of days ago my wife and I were discussing wills and disinheritance, and I commented that the parties involved would all see each others reactions when they got together for the reading of the will. While my wife pointed out that this doesn’t actually happen, and the heirs would be informed with a letter.
Likewise rattlesnakes, bears, rock slides, avalanches, and falling into wells.
You forgot amnesia.
Maybe he’s got… you know…
Then you find out that it will be a membership to the Jelly of the Month club. 