There are a ton of things I thought would happen for sure based on TV–after all, would TV lie? Watching tons of Bewitched reruns as a kid, I totally assumed that when I got older, it would be normal to have the boss over for dinner regularly–and that if he didn’t like what we made, getting fired was a real possibility.
Also–that my parents would run around screaming, “You’re grounded till you’re 30!” when I screwed up as a teen.
What about about you?
I sure did think quicksand was going to be a bigger problem in my life than it has been to date.
I received a phone call one weekday morning about twenty years ago to let me know that my sister-in-law was in labor with their first kid. So I drove an hour or more directly to the hospital. Television shows and movies like Ron Howard’s Parenthood led me to believe that the relatives all waited at the hospital for the baby to arrive. But I was the only one who waited all day for the baby to be born, and everyone else stayed home until an hour or more after he was born. (They had an advantage in that they mostly lived within ten or fifteen minutes of the hospital.)
That the same groups of people would be free to sit around for hours in a restaurant any hour of the day or night without being tossed out.
Killer bees!
Growing up in Wisconsin, I watched all the killer bee movies (they weren’t all those happy pollen-seeking bees from SNL, either) and lived in deathly fear that the bees would one day get me. It was for certain that they would eventually take over the country, dooming us all.
Now I live in the state where the bees are, and they aren’t that big of a deal. The threat of dying after being run into by a cell-phone-using driver is way greater.
I thought if I stalked a woman she’d eventually fall in love with me.
There are no real-life run-ins or chance encounters where somebody sees the error of their ways. There is no magical cancer child that inspires people to better themselves and renounce their prejudices. Government inspectors and auditors don’t make favorable reports for you because you invited them to your party and got them laid. Judges don’t let you off with no jail time if you perform a a song and dance in the courtroom.
If you joined a band you would all have to live together in some house like the Beatles or the Monkees.
In Mexico there were no cars or electricity. Horses and donkeys were the only mode of transportation.
If I went SCUBA diving somebody would probably try to kill me (Sea Hunt)
You and your girlfriend will get back together sometime after a horrible breakup. Everything bad will be forgiven and forgotten, and you’ll live happily ever after.
No stranger has ever popped up out of the shadows and pressured me to do drugs.
I thought adults would have friends who would pop over all the time unannounced and you’d do things together. I don’t know anyone who really does that.
I thought that when I got a job, my coworkers and I would form a tight pseudo-family group, hanging out with each other outside of work, and generally being part of each others lives. My first job really put an end to that idea.
Somehow, standing on a balcony during a party and leaning on the railing, staring soulfully at the view does not prompt an attractive member of the your preferred sex to start talking to you.
Just this past Saturday I was at my (deserted) office building, decorating for Halloween. Creepy is putting it mildly. After a few hours of strange sounds, lights going on and off and my imagination running wild, I really did half expect to have an encounter with an Asian ghost girl:eek: It was surreal.
It does happen, just sadly not in your case(s).
Ah, the wacky neighbors! I lived in an apartment building for a time and never once did a wacky neighbor let himself in, to hang out! 
Not to mention there were NOT scores of attractive single people my age dying to make my acquaintance, perhaps letting romance bloom. …Related: I thought moving out to the 'burbs there would be friendly neighbors eager to gossip over the back fence. Coffee klatches. Home parties (Avon, home decor, Pampered Chef). We would all help each other out after a snowstorm, give each other rides in an emergency, exchange child care duties if needed, maybe even a block party in the summer! Hey, I’ll bring my 7-Layer Dip and Tostitos, and a case of Rolling Rock!..Imagine my surprise when I found myself, an at-home mom, pushing the stroller through empty silent streets and never even seeing my neighbors unless they were driving into their garages. Brushing off any attempts at conversation. Flat out refusing to come next door for a cookout. The only other women I saw pushing kids in strollers were babysitters and nannies…I guess we bombed out moving here all those years ago. I know there are really friendly neighbors and neighborhoods elsewhere, but here, it’s like Siberia.
And every house/apartment had a bar in it.
For some reason, houses and apartments and landlords in general seemed to be a whole lot easier to deal with on TV. I thought back on this many times during my “apartment dweller” phase, when I moved out of several apartments due to sudden rent increases and just generally jerkweed landlords. People on TV never seemed to have this problem. Now I laugh when I see “Friends,” which takes place in several apartments in Manhattan, some of the highest priced real estate on the planet…
That, and I was sure that it was possible to dehydrate people into little piles of powder, and then rehydrate them into live people, as a result of the “Batman” movie (the Adam West one). But I learned otherwise pretty early.
Mostly that I would go out more, have friends over more, and in general have more fun.
Ironically, no one on television spends the evening watching television (especially not alone).
Give it time. This is only the second act.
That’s because you need to convert them to cuboctahedrons. It doesn’t work with just dust.