Sterling North did the sugar cube trick with his raccoon Rascal as well.
When I was a kid, we had two methods for tormenting our toy poodle: (1) Place a paper grocery bag upright on the floor and place her in it. She had no idea how to get out of it and would literally just sit in there and stare up at us until we took her out. (2) Take an empty potato chip bag, open the other end to make a tube, and slide it over the dog’s body so it’s stuck between her two pairs of legs. Watch her go crinkle crinkle crinkle trying to get out of it.
Current dogs: (1) The late great Miss Emily loved tennis balls, but hated the plastic Slinky. Did you know that a tennis ball fits perfectly inside a plastic slinky? Quite a dilemma. Alternatively, give her a tennis ball sealed within the clear plastic canister, where she can see it but not get it. Quite entertaining, for us anyway. (2) Both Emily and the current dogs get/got very pissed off at any kind of electronic toys: Mr’s S’s remote-control Lost In Space robot, electronic banjo toy, etc. Much alternating barking and retreating ensues when such items are activated. (3) With Miss Emily there was always the old “grab her jaws in your hands and blow down her throat” or “stick your hand sideways way back in her mouth to piss her off because it’s uncomfortable but she would never bite you, so she has to keep backing up” gag. (That last one recommended only if you REALLY know your dog!)
Our cat is 18, and seems utterly surprised to see me whenever I am home from school. Just seeing me again after not doing so for awhile seems to cause some fuses to blow in the kitty brain.
You know how dogs get excited when they see other dogs? After a while they learn the word for “dog”, and get excited upon hearing it. Just say, “Dog!” and watch them get all thrilled.
I never taught my dog that word. I use the word quadriped instead. My dog gets excited when she sees a quadriped.
It cracks me up, because a lot of people don’t know that word. If I need to subtly make fun of somebody (I’m really not very mean though) I can say, “Quadriped!” to my dog. It sort of implies, “My dog has a better vocabulary than you.”
This was something we used to do to “eff-up” a pet. An old appaloosa gelding we had, Hank, would drink out of a garden hose like soda from a straw. Just put the end of the hose in his mouth and he’d suck away. We discovered this skill of his one day when he was particularly impatient and thirsty. (We didn’t know much about his history, as we’d adopted him when he was about 25 years old).
There are lots of old western urban legends about horses that were trained to drink beer or whiskey, so one day my Dad decided to open up a bottle of beer and to see what Hank would do with it. Low and behold, he knocked it back with a few frothy tosses of his head once dad put it in his mouth. He seemed to enjoy his bottle of suds quite a bit, but it was not a trick we did very often out of concern for Hank’s gastro-intestinal health as a hind-gut fermenter.
Another surprising feature that came with Hank was his apparent history of racing on the beach. My Mom discovered this one while attempting to take him on a relaxing retiree ride in the sea breeze. Hank’s racing past was later confirmed by an old cowboy who had known a previous owner. It makes me wonder about Hanks wild and crazy youth, full of fast horses and booze.
My dog is rather greedy, and will eat virtually anything you give him. Sometimes I’ll lace his tidbit with a few drops of vinegar before offering it to him. The “fumes” make his nostrils twitch, and you can see his lips curling up around the edges as he licks it tentatively. Even so, he wants that tidbit more than anything, and afer a few minutes will muster up the courage to gobble it down in one piece.
I can never resit blowing up his nose, either. The first few times he’ll start pawing his nose and snorting heavily, then he’ll let rip with a massive sneeze. I’ve learned to get out of his way just at the right moment, after getting sprayed with doggy snot the first time I did this.
Upon entering the kitchen: “Clint came into the kitchen, his hips supple and swinging. The enemy had better look out: there was a new cat in town”
While hanging sadly over its empty foodtray, that was full only seconds before):
"The young poet further elaborated on the powerful epic “empty"poem-series”
Somehow he knows he’s being made fun of and he hates it.
Best with a lazing dog. Attract its attention in a low-key manner, then suddenly sit bolt upright and look emphatically towards the door. “Who’s here?! There’s someone here!”
Snicker as they charge towards the door, then look innocent when they wind down again.
I play “Master and Accolyte with my cat” - I hold my arm in a threatening manner just in front of Cookie until she leaps to bite it, but utilise my higher level of consciousness to get it out of her way just in the nick of time, leaving her to champ her teeth together in mid air.
“You are young, Cookie, but you will learn”, I say. This enrages her, and she makes a second attempt which, again, I avoid. And so on until the fourth or fifth attempt, when my Chi evaporates and I have to wrap my hand up to avoid bleeding on the carpet. My coworkers think I’ve got a smack habit, with all the cat track-marks on my arm.
We moved into a new house in September that has a second story “catwalk” (as my wife refers to it) that looks down upon the first-floor family room. When we first moved in, whenever our dopey dog trotted upstairs to see what was doing (leaving us all sitting in the family room), we’d invariably see him looking down on us through the second-floor balusters with an astounded look on his face, as if thinking, “My God! I just left you people in another room, now I’m off to another part of the house, AND HERE YOU ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! How can this be?”
He’d start quivering and whining and jumping up and down in place, frantic to get to us, without it actually occuring to him to turn around and walk back down the stairs he ascended ten seconds before. My son and I would shout, “Jump! Jump!” which my wife didn’t think was funny at all. Sometimes she’d have to walk up and rescue him.
Now he’s used to it. I think if we were to suddenly appear in front of him in a flash of smoke, 500 miles from where he last saw us, he’d just assume it was that neat trick we do.
Okay, I have several indoor cats who are not allowed outside unless they’re on-lead. I have harnesses for them, which they’ve learned to accept, and they’ll actually wait patiently as I put the harness on. They understand “Go for walk?” and run to the door when I say it. But here’s a fun thing to do which I call “Kitty Parade”: First, get a few helium balloons. Next, put the harness on the cat but unclip the lead. Tie the balloons to the D-ring on the harness and watch the cat wander around the house with balloons floating above him. Some cats freak out about the giant menacing things over their heads- this scares them and is no fun. But the cats who just wander aimlessly are hilarious, as are the cats who keep jumping for the balloons which continually move away as they twist around. (Also works for dogs.)
I also enjoy Kitty Hop, but you need a cat that trusts you and is tolerant of handling. Put your hands underneath kitty’s armpits and hold him in front of you so that his back feet touch the floor but his front do not. Walk him slowly at first as he adjusts to aided bipedalism. Then go fast, and laugh uproariously as the cats stops taking steps and hops around. (Also works for smaller dogs.)
The “treat on the back” trick for dogs is a great one, but you need a fairly stupid dog. Mine have just learned to shake and then eat the treat after it falls to the floor. Also for dogs, the old “treat in a tube” is fun. It’s great for keeping crated dogs occupied, too. Just stick a treat like some cheese or peanut butter inside a sterilized hollow bone and give it to the dog. He’ll go crazy trying to get the treat.
My cats don’t care about television, but my pit bull is very interested in nature shows. If there’s another animal on-screen, make excited noises. Keep saying “What’s that?” “Let’s go see!”, and watch as the dog runs to the scream, then looks behind it to try to find the animal. My dogs also know “Say hello”- it means go up to a friendly stranger and sit for petting. Try this with people on TV. They’ll run up to the screen and sit nicely, then get utterly conufsed when no petting is forthcoming.
Also, group howls are good fun. My bloodhound loves this. At any random point in the day, start howling. Most dogs will look totally confused but soon join in. Also, if you have a big dog, say, over 80 pounds or so, get them an old tire for a yard toy. There’s nothing funnier than watching a dog dragging a tire around and wearing himself out.
The tape trick is always a scream, but try it with all four feet.The “Kitty Ballet” performed is priceless. We did this at a friends Xmas party a few years ago, and I think poor ol’ Peanut is still pissed at me. Duct tape works best.
Put cat in zipped up sleeping bag. Lift bag so bag top is at your chest level and cat is at bottom. Move bag about by running hands at bottom under cat. As if something was moving the ground from below. Watch out for claws as cat flies out of bag and over your head.
This one works great with sleeping dogs and cats. Tickle thier noses and/or ears with a small object such as a pen tip or a drinking straw. Even simply moving the object through the fine hairs inside the ear without even touching the ear garners a responce. If dome properly the animal will paw at the ear/nose in thier sleep. Sometimes they will roll over to cover the tickled area. Remember to give them the innocent look if you wake them.
Chace cat around house with cordless electric razor. Yea, I know it’s mean but the speed at which the cat climbs the funiture can be described at none the less than lightning.
Chace away a pesty cat or dog by pushing the button (But not flinting) a Bic lighter. The smell of the butane will make them leave.
We do this not so much to F with the boys, but to get a bit of peace at mealtimes.
Smear cat with gloppy substance.(Such as gravy or cheezewhiz)
The best places to smear are places they can’t ignore,or places they have a difficult times reaching with thier tounges. Such as shoulder blades, chest below the chin, and a heavy dose directly on the whiskers. They will be occupied for quite a long time and I get to eat without beggers.
Conversly, it may be just our cats, but if you get them good between thie toes with this they cannot walk. They must immediatly stop right there and clean. After they finish this they also must stretch and wiggle thier feet before they can take a step.
That’s pretty funny, because my cat goes crazy for the laser pointer, but the dog just looks at like “Yeah, it moves, but it doesn’t smell like anything I can eat…”
I did a funny trick to our cats once. Basically, I’d get a treat (and these cats go absolutely BONKERS for treats- you’d think they were crack to the cats or something) and show it to them, and they’d get all excited. Then I’d take those tiny cups you pour nyquil or similar cough-syrup medicines in and put it upside down on the treat.
The cats can see and smell the treat- they know its there. But they can’t quite figure out how to get it out! Both will stare at it for about 5 minutes with this expression of deep concentration. One will tentatively bat at the cup with his paw, then remain motionless again. They’ll try to get under the cup with no avail. Eventually, they start getting paranoid that the other cat is going to figure out how to get the treat and would wind up getting in a huge brawl over it.
I’m amazed at this thread. I guess playing with a laser pointer is all in good fun with kitties, but a lot of the stuff I see here seems abusive. Would you do the same with people and expect them to tolerate it? Sorry, it just isn’t funny to me, and I expect more from the folks here.
Kaboodle has his enemies it seems. Bubbles just have to die. I discovered this when he was a kitten trying to kill my bubble bath (and falling in more than once) but now he is a big bruiser of a boy I like to blow a large number of Catch-A-Bubble bubbles and he stalks them around the house gingerly attacking each one as though it is a dangerous fire that has to be extinguished. He always seems so surprised when they disappear and he still has a nose. He is very brave.
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That is one of the funniest damn things I’ve read in a long time. You’re right, I can just imagine the disgusted looks.
I can understand if you think it’s not funny, but I re-read the entire thread, and I fail to see how anything here could be considered abusive - it seems like people are just teasing and playing with their pets. I’ve seen animals that have been abused, neglected, and beaten, and I don’t see how an animal that’s being teased but otherwise treated well is comparable. I suspect most of the people posting here spoil their pets rotten and that they get all the affection and attention they need. I could be wrong, of course.
And no, I wouldn’t do the same to people (except for that hair up the nose trick ;)), but people aren’t dogs and cats. I don’t expect people to use a litterbox, walk on a leash, or sit on command, either.
You must not have pets. Pets love attention as well as stupid games-- no matter how mind numbing they are.
This thread is all in fun and I’m sure if cats and dogs could post on here, there would be an equally amusing thread about the stupid tricks/games they play on us. Yep. TRUST me.
If loving and playing games with my cats is abusive, then shoot me.
I’m sorry to “pick” on you, but I think you are being too serious.:rolleyes:
Remember the “deviant sexuality” e-mail that went out a while back, “How many Emergency Room Internists does it take to play Find The Flashlight”?
I know…the stretch to the OP is quite scary, but working in Vet offices you hear a lot.
Has anyone else heard of, seen, or participated in (wince) the rather odd practice of “masturbating” a female-in-heat cat with a Q-tip?
Don’t be shy if you prefer the pencil eraser technique…speak up.
This odd topic of conversation has come up so many times in my life, that I might need to start categorizing people into “those that do” and “those that (thankfully) don’t”.
A loud and hormonal cat in heat can indeed be a lot of pussy to handle, but did human ingenuity really have to go there?
