Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
Ashtrays didn’t exist until the 1970’s or so. Before then, everyone just threw their just-lit and barely-puffed cigarettes on the floor.
That conflicts with what I learned from songs.
Someone can make you a nice dinner and you can not eat it and they won’t get mad.
People can do physical activity for HOURS without food or water.
It’s possible to stand on top of a speeding train and not get blown off.
You can get in horrific car accidents and not get hurt.
People can hold their breath underwater for a loooong time.
In every desert, there lives an invisible eagle, whose job it is to call, once, in the middle distance, while people look out at the vista.
All frogs go ‘ribbit’, and all snakes hiss when near a camera, regardless of what they sound like the rest of the time.
Computers always beep when displaying data
When confronted with proof of his guilt, the murderer will decide to make a run for it only to be tackled by the cop.
Deranged killers hate the sight of boobs and will kill any young woman who takes off her top.
Submarines can navigate Venetian canals.
You never need specify a brand when ordering a beer.
Bleachers in high school gyms are no more than 5 rows deep.
You can never get over Macho Grande.
World War II pilots always kept their canopies open.
Pay phones exist and they accept incoming calls.
One more:
All policemen are trained to diagnose death by holding a hand to the neck for 0.3 seconds. Once this diagnosis is made, no attempt to revive the victim will be made even if the victim collapsed only moments before.
from ‘pulp fiction’ ezekiel 25:17.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.
first time i memorized anything from the bible.
Movie rules for good guys:
If you’re about to do something dangerous, never tell a loved one “see you later” or make any future plans whatsoever. That’s the kiss of death.
If you get shot in the chest, if it’s your left side it’s always fatal*, but you’ll have time to say a few last words as you die in someone’s arms. But if it’s the right side, it may knock you down temporarily but you’ll be fine.
*exception: unless you happened to decide to put on a Kevlar vest under your shirt that morning on a hunch, even though you otherwise never wear them.
never bring a knife to a gun fight.
You left out the big one: even though kookaburras are native to Australia, there’s ALWAYS one squawking close by in the jungles of Africa, South America and Asia.
A helicopter can hover forever just beyond the ridge of a hill without you noticing it at all … until it rises and becomes visible; only then do you hear the deafening sound of its engines!
Foreigners always prefer to speak English, even when they’re alone.
Every grocery bag in the world contains a French baguette and a stalk of celery.
Cowboys, GIs, and other rugged outdoor-types never have to take a dump or a whiz.
It’s entirely possible to take a shotgun blast full in the gut and be told “Ahhh, you’ll live!”
There’s nothing wrong with ordering a $10 cup of designer coffee and then not drinking a drop of it.
If you meet a woman with her hair up and wearing glasses while working in a rare book store, offer her a drink right there on the spot. Rye works best.
Trust me on this.
Until around 1980, American frontier towns were always squeaky clean and completely free of dust, dirt, mud, animal filth, and gigantic flies.*
*Spaghetti Westerns were a bit more realistic, but seldom went all the way.
Nitpick: Red-Tailed Hawk
Django (1966) did. I saw it last week and you could practically smell the horse shit, mud and BO.
Teenagers often resemble 20-year olds in appearance, and sometimes 30-year olds.