As a part of my ever-so-inspiring job at the library, I check in piles of periodicals. One of these is titled “VM & SD” (or Visual merchandising and store design) which I always mis-read as “SM & VD.” Every time I check this in, I have a sophomoric chuckle over it.
Another favorite is “OMFG” (or Official meeting facilities guide), which I can’t help interpreting as OMG with a little spice thrown in.
Yep, it’s childish. But you’ve gotta relieve the boredom somehow.
Any others?
When I was in training for my most recent job, we had to do these computerized training modules called CBTs (I can’t remember now what that stood for, computerized-something-training, I suppose). In the BDSM world, CBT stands for “cock and ball torture.” Every time I had to do one of those CBTs, I thought about cock and ball torture.
Set of Books is abbreviated as you might imagine.
There’s a fruit juice we sell call “Orange Burst”. Our computer system abbreviates it to “Orng Brst Jce”.
Now I know it’s not "Orange breast juice, but stil…
There’s a thread currently titled “NYC to ban trans fats” which I keep reading as “NYC to ban train farts”. Now there’s a law we can all get behind…
Recently I did data entry related to the S&P 500, which I constantly read as S&W .500
Computer Based Training. 
I had to write them at my last job, and had the same problem whenever anyone asked me if I was “finished working on my CBT”. It was difficult to suppress a snicker.
No interest at all in working on the -OTHER- CBT, which I think my husband is glad for. Just not our thing. I’ll stick to computer torture…erm…training.
I inevitably misread any SDMB thread which has the word ‘car’ in the title.
My brain automatically translates it to ‘cat’.
Russian signs also cause creative dyslexia on a daily basis. The most recent was a sign at a shop near the zoo which said скидки посетителям зоопарка (discounts for zoo visitors). I read it as скидки носителям зоопарка (discounts for zoo wearers/ bearers/ carriers) and spent half a day wondering what a zoo wearer etc. was until the light dawned.
Unfortunately, when it did dawn, I was sittting at my desk in a room with 16 other people, and my cries of ‘So that’s what it means’ were not appreciated.
Hey! S&M has nothing to do with VD. You can’t catch anything on the other end of a riding crop.
I took a class in law school that showed up as
Leg Analy
I kept adding an extra l in there, and being very impressed with the professer’s erm . . flexability.
Speaking of riding crops, this month’s issue of VM&SD is subtitled “Steps Lively.” I kid you not.
My local newspaper, the Tulsa World, used to run an advertisement several times a week promoting an automatic payment system that debits your checking account. The ad had a headline that said CONVENIENT AUTOPAY.
Whenever I saw this headline, on first glance it always looked to me like CONVENIENT AUTOPSY. And I wanted to respond, “No, thanks, not at this time.”
Walking past one of those Western Union knockoff shops…
Me “WTF is a Fast Monkey Transfer?”
Hubby and Roommate “What?”
Me “Oooh… Fast Money Transfer…”
I was reading Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and I got to an entry about how she’s constantly putting stuff in the microwave to reheat it. She was talking about reheating linguine in the middle of a meal, but I read it as “lingerie”. I e-mailed her about it and she replied that it was “insanely funny”.
Another time I was on a message board for curly hair and one girl posted that she loved “the fresh clean scent of pantene” (lower caps hers) and I read it as “panties”.
I’m constantly thinking about underwear, I suppose…
The candy Sour Patch Kids used to have the proclamation, “Mouthwatering candy!” on the packaging. Every time I saw a package in the grocery store, I mis-read it as “Motherfucking candy!”
To this day, my mom and I still call SPKs “motherfucking candy”.