It can be category, clue, answer, something Alex would say- anything. Knock yourself out!
“I’ll take ‘Particularly Offensive Racial Slurs’ for $600, Alex.”
“It’s the difference between scheming pygmies and jogging feminists…”
“Our next contestant is returning champion Dave, and I understand you have a funny story about the first time your wife saw your tiny penis! Tell us about it.”
“And remember that all correct answers in the category Eye Wish You Fuckin’ Would!’ will contain the word ‘Eye’.”
“Yes Alex, what is ‘screwing the pooch’?”
“I’ll take ‘Hail Satan!’ for $200, Alex.”
“And the last category is ‘Don’t Touch Me ‘There’ Daddy!’, in which we’ll describe the ‘there’ where the molestation is taking place and you identify the city.”
“…in which we’ll give you a proper name and you’ll answer whether it’s a nickname for a Dick, a type of Van or a famous Dyke. The $400 clue is ‘Volkswagen Bus’.”
“And our categories for this round are ‘The Holocaust’, ‘Is’, ‘A’, ‘Big’ ‘Fat’ and ‘Lie’. June, as our most seemingly retarded contestant, you choose first.”
Alex: For this clue take a look at our monitor.
Face on Monitor: Hi I’m Charlie Manson, and I’m the only free man on this Earth! You’re the one who’s in prison! I’m the devil, I eat out of your garbage can! In 1895 this Irish writer was transferred from Wandsworth Prison to Reading Gaol where he served two years at hard labor. Devil always shaves his head!"
“Perfidious Jews for eight-hundred, Alex… Who was Roy Cohn?”
“And the answer is: this porn star is often proclaimed as the new queen of anal, dur oin no small part to the name ‘seymore butts’ tatooted on her ass.”
“A lot of people out there think I’m the world’s smartest man. I have news for you folks: I read the answer of the fuckin’ card! It’s written right here. When there’s a foreign name or word I rehearse pronouncing it before the show is taped. Okay? I’m just a television personality of average intelligence and I’m paid to look good and act professional. Got that?”
"I understand our returning champion is the only person to be featured on both “America’s Most Wanted” and “Oprah’s Child Molesters Segment” in one week. How did that feel?
"I’ll take “People O.J. is suspected of killing” for $600, Alex.
“You’ve uncovered the Daily Double. Would you like to make that a true daily double killing…uh, daily double?”
Well now, 'at ain’t whut it sez hyer on ma card. 'At’s another reason we went to war in Eye-rack. 'Cause people give wrong answers. 'Murka needs right answers, not wrong answers. I kin tell you hate 'Murka. Who’s turn is it now?
I’ll take “Ways to Catch the Gay” for $400, Alex.
“Our next contestant, Ted, is a nuclear physicist working on advanced propulsion systems for NASA. That’s impressive. What do you like to do in your spare time?”
“Well Alex, me and my buds like to get shitfaced and shoot out street lights.”