Even if you get hit in the face with a rocket launcher, the hospital can fix you up just fine; the bastards do steal your weapons and armor, though.
Hollywood is right; cars do explode.
Avoid spiky poles.
Campers smell silly at parties. Never jump in front, it makes them frumple and dissolve you.
A box of K-Bups restores all of your hearts.
Shorts are comfortable and easy to wear.
Spiders have four legs at most; the majority only one or two. Murlocs have one eye, if any at all. More than half of the naga are headless. But anyone who’s really strong will tend to have five heads.
The bigger something is, the more powerful it is.
Similarly, if something looks similar to an enemy you’ve fought before but is now red, watch out.
The farther away you get from civilization, the more powerful and expensive the weapons in the stores will be.
The mysterious young woman you’re traveling with is secretly a princess of a forgotten race. Unless she’s known to be a princess already, of course.
And you can beat a dragon to death with your pinky finger. You have a sword that can cut a tunnel through a mountain.
But for some reason you can’t cross the river except at the bridge and you can’t cross the bridge till you give the little old man his widget…
-Joe
Wasn’t that:
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start?
No, USCDiver is right. Better play some more Nintendo, man.
'Course ya do.
Let’s see… The grand city I built on the backs of thousands of dinarii, a grand metroppolis to glorify Rome to all the world… is composed of idiots. I have to make the whole city out of one street, because otherwise they these slackjawed yokels keep trying to sell food door to door at the armories rather than the houses. Wait - why are they selling food door to door, anyway? That’s why I built the markeplace!
Correlary: the Roadblock is the foundation of human civilization and the key to all successful cities.
The best way to hide interdimensional transport keys is to put them behind clever puzzles that anyone with enough time and/or a hint book can solve.
If you even think about closing your eyes, you may be eaten by a grue.
For some reason, there are aliens who go around pretending to be humans in need of rescuing. When you land, instead of attacking, they make scary faces in your windshield.
Some robotic animals are just as stubborn, ornery, and given to running away, as their real-life counterparts.
Pocket fluff can come in handy from time to time.
The most memorable death scenes can be performed by a small robot with the personality of a six year-old.
There is a race of aliens whose entire vocabulary seems to consist of the words “ooga booga”.
Blowup dolls make good decoys.
Cities with high crime rates also have a large staff of vehicular wreckage cleanup people, sweeping the city every few minutes.
Evil dictators trying to abolish magic are usually magic school dropouts or failures.
Insulting people while swordfighting with them is a great way to gain respect and increase your swordfighting skills.
Dance moves are a lot easier if you keep your head pointed in the same direction at all times.
It’s easy to detach a snowboard from your boots while in mid-air and be able to reattach them before landing.
Carmen’s always somewhere.
Some neighbors have a tendency to drop by unannounced, walk through your house, make use of your facilities, go skinny-dipping, and eat you out of house and home, and then get mad if you don’t do the same to them.
Killing yourself gives you a better chance of resurrecting your loved one from her death at the hands of alchemists.
The easiest way to read backwards handwriting is to enter into a mirror universe.
Having a transparent torso is a good thing when boxing.
Alligators in a pit open their mouths in regular time and don’t mind being stepped on.
Being touched by bats, birds, or other evil creatures turns your body into a semi-permiable membrame with the ability to fly and go through walls until it finds a large red “X”.
When dancing, there are only five possible spots to place your feet. It doesn’t matter what you do with the rest of your body.
The man who created time-travel and then went on to try and stop a peace treaty from being signed with aliens thought he was doing us a favor.
The Earth is a great place to hide power alien artifacts that should never really be used.
Charon likes to play rock music when taking the dead to Hades.
Making purple things invisible is fun.
Creating bridges over some bodies of water really isn’t all that helpful.
Carring around a dragon-size key or sword, or even an entire bridge, is pretty easy if you’re a small, colorful dot.
Tell me the first one isn’t from FFIV. Please.
I resent that comment. DDR only has 4, unless you’re talking about one of the solo machines, in which case there are 6 (six!) places to step.
Nope - at least not according to G4.
Well, sure, if you want to play 2-player…
I think those two are from the Monkey Island series, in which the swordfighting is entirely done through insults, and Pump It Up, which is a game in the DDR genre that has five locations - four diagonals and the center. Picture an inverse DDR pad.
There is one nation that has super-advanced technology. This nation is xenophobic and/or hidden. You will visit this country, but only after you’ve visited every other country in the world.
If you have an airship, it will not have any weapons. If your enemy has an airship, it probably will. If only one airship exists in the entire world, you will steal it from the military.
The sword is the most effective weapon ever created.
If one of your classmates is an arrogant jerk, he will end up working for the bad guys and eventually dying by your hand.
Some guns DO need air around them to fire.
It is fairly easy to learn magic. Mana potions are plentiful and cheap, and every town has a store that sells magic spells. Still, only about seven humans in the entire world use magic.
Battles must be fought in groups of no more than three people. If you are travelling in a group of more than three and you get into a fight, some of you will have to sit it out, or at least wait until you get tagged in. If one of your companions is killed, you can’t just jump in and take his place; you have to wait for him to be revived and then tag you in. If all three of your group’s appointed fighters are killed, the rest of you die as well.
Birds rarely fly more than a few feet off the ground.
Every evil person has a flamboyant fashion sense.
Everybody who has a name also has a distinctive hairstyle. Hair is fireproof.
Giant, anthropomorphic robots are the ultimate combat vehicle.
I have played the inferior Pump it Up, and my impression was that it wasn’t as popular as DDR, so I was trying to figure out the generalization of a genre of games using a non-dominant example of it.
(and I thought the other part was referencing the “you spoony bard!” from FFIV. :eek:)
Touch a monster and you die. Drop a rock on them and they turn to jewels.
A really elite cave-search-and-rescue person will have a helicopter backpack, a laser and five sticks of dynamite.
Bisecting a many-segmented arthropod will result in two smaller arthropods which can function perfectly well.
Fighter pilots are often able to collect weapons in flight as they fall from downed enemy planes if magical color-coded floating canisters.
Karate has a total of six moves: Low, Medium, and High punches and kicks.
Creatures of many types can be frozen solid only to thaw seconds later with no ill effects. If these creatures are in flight, freezing them will not cause them to fall, and, indeed, may allow you to stand on them.
Turtle shells do not seem to be affected by friction at all. Large bullets do not seem to be affected by gravity. Italian plumbers can hold their breath indefinitely. Large reptilian villains can fall into a pit of lava and still be fine to go guard the next castle. You’d think after having the bridge go out under him so many times, Bowser would try that trick on Mario. Speaking of reptiles, Yoshi is a pretty big pansy despite being practically indestructable.
If there’s a traitor in your organization, it will either be your lover or the major asshole who always dumps on your work.
The magical weapon you inheirted will be used for combat purposes a grand total of once.
Rada Drummers are watching you.
Motionless, Silent guys are really, really creepy.
Wagner brings out the worst in some people.
The Templars and/or the freemasons were responsible for everything that’s happened since 1095.
Booby traps set up thousands of years ago will still be in working order when an explorer wanders in.
Every German Castle has a Submarine Pen in the basment.
The Nazis have searched for every mystical object known to man, and failed to hold on to any of them. Thank God they never went after the Holy Prepuce
Next up in the attempt to cash in on a 15-year-old movie series through computer games:
Indiana Jones and the Holy Prepuce.
In games where your actions do have moral consequences, tracking down a widowed companion’s long-lost son whom he had believed dead for twenty years, only to goad the son into a fight and kill him before his father’s eyes carries no greater moral consequences than tricking someone into letting you park for free. Conversely, being rude or flippant to annoying companions carries no lesser moral penalty than brutal mass-murder. Unless they’re Sandpeople…
Anyone who prefers technology to magic is evil and wants to destroy every living things’ souls.
Taking three steps backward will make guns, swords, claws, and any other physical attacks only hurt half as much.
If someone stabs the food, it will disappear forever.
In the far future, extreme sports will either kill everybody or kill nobody. In either way there will be giant explosions / clouds of bloody mist.