Despite the divergent viewpoints offered, this thread makes a great argument…in favor of agoraphobia.
Man, some of you guys are creeping me out. I’m starting to be glad that I don’t get a chance to go see movies often, lest I chuckle at the wrong time and get spat on or hit. :eek:
Many moons ago some friends took me to a BOSTON concert, we had seats WAY up in the nosebleed section. A couple comes in and sits right behind us and the girl starts yelling “WOO HOO BOSTON, ROCK AND ROLL, WOO HOO BOSTON” I didn’t mind at first but she kept going when the concert started (I think that she was high). When I couldn’t take it anymore I turned to her boyfriend and said “SHUT YOUR BITCH UP!” figuring he would either encourage her to be quiet or want to fight (I was ready), they left quickly.
Unclviny
I have the worst movie-going luck in the world.
For “The Horse Whisperer,” a 6’4" man wearing a hat sat down in front of me. As if that weren’t bad enough, Godzilla was playing next door, and it was so loud we could hear it clearly through the wall.
For “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” a man with a lung disease (seriously, he had his own oxygen tank) sat down behind and proceeded to hack and cough up phlem for the duration of the movie. I went straight home and washed my hair.
For “Monster,” an older couple sat behind me. The husband belched and farted, - unabashedly - throughout the whole film. I turned to see who could be that shameless. His wife looked at me with an expression that said, “Yeah, but what can I do?”
I joined Netflix.
Years ago, during Patriot Games, two guys behind us were providing a running commentary. We ignored it for around twenty minutes, but got fed up. I believe my exact quote was, “Yo- Siskel and Ebert, shut the fuck up”. Worked like a charm, and my buddies still chuckle about it.
Broadway theatre and cell phones. Bad comination. At one show, someone got so loud on her cell phone that one of the actors left the stage, went into the audience, took it from her, and started talking to the person on the end. After he had thoroughly cussed her out about interrupting his musical with “must see TV,” he passed the phone to the person behind the offender, who passed it back, and it kept being passed back until the usher at the very back of the theatre took it. The original owner was beet red and on the floor.
It’s guys like that who give all of us hat-wearers a bad name. I, also, am 6’4" tall, and I wear a cowboy hat. When I go into a movie theater, I try not to sit in front of short people, and I always take my hat off when the previews start. I actually had someone lean forward and tell me “thank you” when I did that once. shrug It’s just what I do, but it was nice being thanked.
I’m with everyone on opposing theater boorishness, but I can’t get on board with those who oppose a little wackiness at a concert.
That’s a mixed bag there. ESPECIALLY when there is heavy drug use involved…
When I was a young lass, my mother signed me and my sister up for the summer movie program. You know, you hit the theatre at 10am, watch a double feature, then your parents pick you up.
I remember it was Disney’s Fox and the Hound. I remember a little girl behind me going on and on and on. I remember repeatedly saying, “Ssssshhhhh.”
Then her mother leaned forward and told me off for shushing her daughter, that she was allowed to talk if she wanted to.
It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the mother was completely in the wrong, and if I’d has the cojones to stand up to an adult I would have told her off.
But I remember sitting in absolute shame, afraid I was going to get in trouble.
A collection of stories:
At a midnight screening of Bringing Out the Dead, a pretty obviously drunk guy at the back of the theater was talking about as loud as he possibly could about nothing in particular. After about twenty minutes of this, I turned around and yelled, “COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!” (even when I’m rude, I’m polite). This angered drunk guy and he started to say something loud and unintelligable when the rest of the audience found their spines and shouted him down. Sometimes all people need is a little push.
Opening night, Jurassic Park III. An extraordinarily rowdy crowd during the previews already had me on edge, as this was in a theater where people are known for bad theater etiquette (at least by me). Or maybe it’s just the town, as this is the only theater in it. Anyhow, the lights come down and as the previews start, a familiar looking red dot appears on the screen. A fucking laser pointer… someone still thinks it’s cool to bring a laser pointer to a theater! OK, so it’s just the previews but you don’t want to condone this shit. Above the still "rhubarb"ing noise of the crowd I project, “WHOEVER HAS THAT LASER POINTER CAN PUT IT AWAY RIGHT NOW!” No further interruptions.
The Thin Red Line. A group of kids, oh, about 12 years old I’d say, were sitting in front of me. They weren’t being rowdy or anything but they were having a more or less conversation among all of them in the middle of the movie. I lean over and say, “could you please not talk during the movie” and they quieten down pretty quickly. About a hour later, the movie is so boring that I almost lean over and tell them they can start talking again.
I wanna say this happened at Mystic River although I can’t quite place which film it was anymore. Anyway, some kid in front of me, about 15, has his cell phone go off. Now this is extraordinarily inconsiderate but unfortunately not remarkable in and of itself. He then proceeds to have a conversation on it! Fuck! People like you actually exist?! I thought that was just a bad joke. I don’t say anything yet because I figure that’s not going to happen again, right? Wrong. He gets a second call, answers it and has another conversation! Listen, the only people that can’t disconnect from the world for two hours at a time are doctors on call and drug dealers, and you don’t look like any doctor. I lean over after his second call and say, “OK, now shut it off…”, which startles young master, and prompts his friend next to him to go “oooooo” like we’re on Married With Children. Cell phone guy says, “What you are going to do, get the manager?” to which I say, “if I have to”. He actually gets another call, and for spite talks for about 5 seconds before leaving the theater. I call that one a win.
Girlfriend and I are at a clearly adult movie (can’t remember which movie, but it was absolutely not for kids). 7:00 pm or so on a weekend. Lots of room in the theater. In front of us are mom, dad, girl of about 8, and a freakin’ 2-year-old. The kid is standing on the seat and wandering across the 3 open seats in front of us. He’s facing me and making what passes for conversation at that age. I put up with it for a bit, but then leaned close to him and said ‘Shhh’. Not threateningly. Not particlulary loudly. Mom goes all huffy. “He’s just a child!”
So I said, “Then what’s he doing at this movie?”
She storms out with the kid, and I figure she’s going to the lobby to give him time and space to tire out.
I forget about it. The movie ends and we’re walking out to the street. Some woman jumps out of a minivan, gets in my face, and snarls, “I hope you enjoyed the movie!” I was genuinely puzzled ast to who she was, so I just said, “Yes, I did, thanks”. Then it hit me. She had waited for me, just to get her word in. Whatta freak.
Took my six year old daughter to see The Incredibles. There was a large family sitting in front of us – mom, dad, and about five kids ranging in age from eight to fifteen. And these kids were all gabbing and chatting and talking amongst themselves through half the movie.
I’m a very non-confrontational person, despite being a six-foot three grizzly bear. I was doing the slow burn in my seat, hoping an usher would shut them up. Then my daughter solved the problem for me.
“Daddy,” she said in a quiet but carrying voice, “why do those kids keep talking?”
“I don’t know sweetie,” I replied.
She looked up at me with an angelic expression and said “Bad parenting, I guess?”
I have seldom been more proud of her.
Went to see Boogeyman on Saturday night with a good friend of mine. We usually sit towards the middle of the theater and yammer through the previews (or add in commentary, which has never failed to get a laugh). Once the movie starts though, we shut up.
In front of us was what I would guess a 13 or 14 year old girl and I’d assume her boyfriend. The girl was on her cellphone… And she kept talking after the movie started. About 10 minutes into the movie, I gave the back of her chair a quick little kick and gave her the :dubious: look. She gave me a nasty look and went back to talking.
My friend looked at me quizzically, and then smiled. He knew what I was gonna do next. Waste of popcorn, but the look on her face was great. I dumped an entire jumbo tub of popcorn on her. With extra butter.
Her boyfriend looked at her and started laughing. She screamed at him (something along the lines of “Fuck you!”) flipped me the bird and ran out of the theater.
Yes, I’m an asshole, but it sure does stop little shits from ruining a movie (that sucked, by the way).
I have a stock reaction to whenever a cell phone rings anywhere that it shouldn’t (at the movies, during lectures, etc.)
I look for the person with the phone, and demand to speak with whoever it is on the line.
This strategy seems to work: They always immediately hang up.
I was in a theater when, someone’s cell phone had gone off during the previews. They never actually answered the phone, but it rang and rang and rang. I figured, “It’s the previews; what the heck. I don’t mind noise during the previews.”
The phone rang again during the opening titles without the owner answering it.
5 minutes into the movie, the phone rang again. By now, people were groaning.
I shouted, “It’s for you!”
The phone didn’t ring again.
Man, I wish you’d have been there to shut up those idiots whose inane comments (“Meat Loaf AGAIN?”) completely ruined The Rocky Horror Picture Show for me… 
Ah! But what about spice salesmen??