I was going for the word ‘handsome’, but since I was typing this during workhours and switching back and forth between the message board and my actual work (for some reason I didn’t want to get caught at work with either the word blowjob or some of the others in the post on my screen) there were some typos.
By the way, is ‘nadsome’ an actual word?
I don’t think so, but it should be. I wasn’t sure if you were going for “handsome” or “nadsome,” but either one seemed plausible, which should tell you something.
xtnjohnson, may I have your permission to use this as my sig?
–sublight.
When I first saw the picture, my thought was “Can’t they keep Beriut off the television?” It was only after the announcer said “Oklahoma City” that I realized the tag line said “Oklahoma City,” at which point my jaw fell to the ground. WTF?
On a personal note, a friend told me her 19 year old son had sliced his own eye in half when he was using a knife to cut the duct tape that was holding his girlfriend to the bed. Since her son had been arrested four months earlier with 60 one ounce bags of marijuana one block from a school, I seriously doubt that’s how it happened. Obviously, she was telling a story that sounded better than what really happened.
Scene: Labour Ward
Present: Midwife; Mother in Labour: two men, both claiming to be father.
End result: Both Men coming to a mutual agreement to both be the child’s father. Mother happy with decision!
***OKAY…now I’m freaking out! ***
Oh.My.God. :eek: I don’t even care what the real story is. I thank all possible deities that I did not witness this event.
Now there’s a compliment! Thank you - and of course.
What made my jaw drop?
Coming home from school in the eighth grade, walking down my block with my friends and seeing my house on fire. My mom had meant to catch me at the bus stop and tell me about it, but got caught up with other obvious distractions. The smell of a burning building still sends shivers up my spine to this day.
Okay, since you asked…
I was working as a medical lab tech student way back when. All the parts that come off in surgery get sent to the lab for dissection and examination, including larger parts like legs and arms. The lab keeps these surgical specimens for 6 months or so, then they get taken to the big incinerator to be disposed of.
One day while working in the Histotechnology lab, I came back from lunch and found that the old lab bags (these two old birds that had been working in the lab since forever) had dumped the old specimens - not in the incinerator room, but just into the general use garbage can in the lab. One of the specimens was the bottom half of someone’s leg from the knee on down! With the foot kinda sticking out of the top of the garbage can!! And smelling like only dead flesh pickled in formaldehyde can smell!!! Yeesh. I picked it up and took it to the incinerator room so I wouldn’t have to look at it anymore; the old lab bags just kinda glared at me, not understanding what the fuss was about. Now there’s a sign that you’ve been working there too long.
This sentence made my jaw drop - that’s my stop!
To be fair, I’m referring to the area close to the Gowanus, around Second Avenue - what you look down on as you’re going over the bridge. In the early nineties that area was downright scarey; abandoned warehouses, lots of broken glass, and a couple of tumbledown blocks of row houses. Even Fourth Avenue itself was kinda rough, although I’m sure it’s gentrified a lot since I last took the F train ca. 1995.
I’ve heard that the next stop, Smith & 9th Streets (which when I was in Brooklyn we called Smith & Wesson), is actually pretty nice now, too.
WARNING: Long -winded
After getting out of college, I worked as a reporter for a couple of years. Most people are aware that reporters see some seriously messed up stuff, but I had one story call that even makes other reporters quit swapping tales and just admit they’re picking up my bar tab.
The second newspaper I worked at was a mid-sized daily in north central Ohio that covered five counties and two (small) cities with a staff of three reporters. I worked the cop, court and crime beat, which is the best one to be on if you’re into experiencing really weird events.
One morning my phone rings around 3 a.m., pulling me out of what I thought was going to be the first full night’s sleep I’d had in more than a week. My editor says, “There’s an accident out on county road 25, near mile marker (whatever it was). Go talk to the sheriff’s guys, the medics on scene and get art (take pictures).”
Now, this editor was a cop wannabe who thought we should run out on site every time his stinking scanner beeped; so I was less than enthusiastic about going and taking pictures of some grandma who hit a mailbox in the middle of the night. Still, since the paper didn’t pay overtime, any time done on middle of the night crap meant less time I had to be there Friday afternoon.
It was REALLY foggy; so it took me nearly an hour to get to the accident site. I figured it would be all taken care of by the time I got there. I wish it had been.
When I saw the police and ambulance lights diffusing in the fog (which was kind of cool). I pulled well off the road, got up and walked the 100 yards or so to the scene.
Where I saw a car (1990 Pontiac Grand Am) had driven through the side of a house. Okay, I thought to myself, at least it makes for a good picture. I knew most of the deputys and EMTs on the scene, and I was always very considerate of their jobs and stayed out of the way, which in turn got me a lot of slack and increased access.
The EMT squad leader, who knew I had a pretty cynical and warped sense of humor, walks over and says something like, “You’ll want to see this.” We walk around the house and through the back door, past the kitchen and into the living room.
I thought he was going to let me take a few shots of the front of the car coming through the wall into the house. I did not expect to see the severed head, neck shoulder and left arm (all still connected - the guy apparently was bisected by his steering whe. If you want to imagine it any more vividly, put your finger a couple of inches below your left armpit, start to make a circle over your chest, turn about 45 degrees after you cross over the sternum until you come out most of the way down the clavicle on the other side.)
I don’t know if the supervisor thought he was doing me a favor or just that I might find it interesting, but it was the one and only time I ever contaminated an accident or crime scene, if you consider projectile vomiting “contaminating.”
I’m headed north on I-288, in Central Virginia, coming home from a nite class going about 80-90mph. It’s very dark and in the distance I see what looks like a bonfire on the side of the road. As I approach I notice a van completely engulfed in flames - I slow to about 70 mph and just seconds after I pass…the thing explodes! My jaw drops as I keep cruising on.
After getting home I check my baby for schrapnel damage. None! Whew. 
Living here in Va you’ll encounter some crazy things on the roadways.
Man, I thought my “guy kicking a bird” story was something. I was WAY off! I think my jaw is permanently stuck in the “dropped” position after reading these stories.
I only got one. one time we were driving to my grandparrents 50th aniversary. Dad was driving, mom in the front seat, and my uncle and I in the back. My uncle was asleap at the time, so he never saw anything. anyways,we were going down the road on the interstate in West Virgina (well known as the mountain state) so there are naturally guard rails all over. Traffic was prety heavy, and we were on a curve and on either side was concrete barrers so people wouldnt go off the edge (duh). well, as often seen in WV, a deer ran off out of nowhere running along with traffic on this road. it went to run across the road, got spooked and decided to leap over the barrier and run off. so as it did we all were like “wow! a deer running on the road!” then we noticed something. we were on a bridge. That stupid dear jumped OFF A BRIDGE! lol he never knew it was going to happen did he? this was no normal hill either, no. it was a good 200 feet down. can you imagine being a hunter and seeing a dear fall above you?
I have one…
Back in the days when I worked at a grocery store me and a friend were sitting outside smoking when this woman walks up…with a kotex(not used thank god) stuck on her forehead. We managed to hold our laughter in until she got through the 1st door then proceeded to fall down and roll around laughing.
When we went back in-still crying from laughing-I immediately paged the manager to tell him. His response? “Well maybe she thought it was a band-aid.” She was too old for it to be a sorority prank and no one would ask her about it.
The fifteen minutes she was in the store-buying chicken livers-was the funniest 15 minutes I had in retail. Just watching the doubletakes when people realized " that’s a kotex stuck to her head…OMG!!!"
I was about 7, and staying with my Aunt/Uncle who had a farm. Their nearest neighbours were about 400 yards down the road, and they had an only-daughter who I knew quite well (she, me and my sister would hang out together every visit).
Anyway, one afternoon ended up (don’t remember how) with the daughter (we’ll call her Susan) and I innocently playing in her bedroom. Dunno where my sis had got to. Susan says
“Do you want to see something secret?”
“Sure”, I reply.
“Close your eyes, and don’t open them 'til I tell you”
“Ok”
(rustling sounds)
“You can open them now”
Opens eyes.
I’m staring at her (ahem) rosebud. In all its glory. 4 inches from my face. I’m seven, fer chrissakes. There’s no (on my part) sexual element to this. (Had we both been 10 years older I suspect/hope my reaction would have been quite different).
WTF!!!
It’s the first time in my life I ever remember being totally, completely speechless. I was expecting… well, I don’t really know what I was expecting but splayed butt-cheeks certainly wasn’t among the more likely contenders.
The worst part was that I think she expected a different reaction. Exactly what, I don’t know (‘Hey, nice rosebud’?)
Sheesh.
For just a bit there I couldn’t imagine why it would cause your jaw drop to see this girl’s sled.
She was obviously a John Lennon fan!
I find it horrifying that a child nursing caused anyone’s jaw to drop. What were you raised by machines?
FYI the average age of weaning for the entire human population is about 4.5 years. That is the average not the top end. I think you need to get out more.
Our daughter will be three next month and is quite happily nursing. Mostly just when going to sleep but it also comes in handy for skinned knees, etc. Nothing comforts a young child quicker or more completely.
People need to understand that normal nursing can extend until a child is 5 or 6 years old. While this is just accepted as normal in the rest of the world. In the states it is usually referred to as “extended nursing”.
BTW: This is not just a personal gripe. The US mind set on this topic is ruining lives. An Illinois woman just recently lost custody of her child for six months because someone reported ger to DSS for nursing her 5 year old.
Now that is enough to make your jaw drop.