I read a news story in The Atlanta Journal today about a 27-yr-old woman who was applying her makeup while driving her '94 Geo Metro on a busy Atlanta highway (hell, they’re ALL busy) and didn’t see that WINNEBAGO PULLING A TRAILER that slowed in front of her. She was killed instantly. Feel free to make your own “at least she looked good” joke/comment here.
Actually, down here in the South, we say, “She looks so nacherull … like she could just wake up.”
I’m in favor of all forms of natural selection, but my favorite form is natural self-selection.
Ok check this out.
A Tampa Detective arrived at a crime scene to find a dead man under his bed. He has a metal rod (piece of a hanger) up his butt. Connected to that is one half of a power cord. This cord is plugged in to the wall also. The other half of the cord is wrapped around the spring frame under the bed.
This guy was jacking off under the bed. For extra sensation, he would tap his d#ck on the springs under his bed. This would complete the circuit and give him a nice jult. When he orgasmed he created a nice liquid jumper that subsequently fried his sorry ass. Literally. (Remember the rod up his butt.) Now that is a way to go!!!
Hmmm, think you could post a schematic on that?
Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle had the perfect quote for this. They called it “Evolution in Action.”
If you are looking for these kinds of stories, you should check this site :
(Sorry if it doesn’t come out as a link, I’m new here)
This is some really good stuff.
BeerDog:
My new favorite username!
{Can’t ya just see 'im lapping up the suds from his dish?}
Hey, that hurts, man. Don’t make me post a frowny face, Chief.
Bow (hic!)Wow . . .
Thanks Chief.
(Note the lack of smileys. I may be new here, but I can take a hint.)
I used to collect news stories like that. Some old favorites were: The quadrapalegic indicted for murdering his wife. He’d mounted a machine gun onto his wheelchair, had his wife tie a string to the trigger and put the other end in his mouth. I keep thinking of the scene “no, honey, one or two steps to the right…” the story also noted that he BECAME a quadrapelegic when a prior wife had shot HIM.
Here in Michigan, we also had the guy who made a cannon for his yard. He decided to test drive the thing by shooting a golf ball. but, it misfired and the golf ball hit him in the groin, killing him, but not instantly…
We had a guy working in a scrapyard in Sheffield,England who had bought some scrap ordnance.
(Like he wasn’t slightly curious of someone unloading a bunch of shells from the back of a pickup?)
He tried to cut it up with an acetylene torch, it still had bang in it - but not for long.
There was a guy in his early twenties a few years ago, in Vancouver, British Columbia, who was hopping around in a domestic dispute waving a 44 magnum revolver. He then proceeded to jam it into the front of his pants and completely blew off all his genitals. He lived and the news stories did not mention whether or not he had any children.
Then there was the guy that tried to play Russian roulette…with a .45 AUTO! He deseved to have his head vaporized.
There was a story in the Washington Post just yesterday about a Florida woman who had successfully campaigned against mandatory helmet laws in Florida. She just died of injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident. Not quite the same as the other examples, but ironic nonetheless.
I always enjoy reading the Darwin Award nominees and winners, but often wonder if they are really true. Th eone I liked some time ago was the guy who went up in his lawn chair by attaching enough (not sure of this part) baloons filled with helium?, but he went higher than expected. His plan to get down was to start shooting the baloons with a bee bee gun, but he went up too far too fast, and got scared about the trip down.
Since he lived close to an Airport, a pilot spotted him and called it in. The last line of this (when it was sent to me) was “Can you imagine the call that pilot made:‘Control, you’re not gonna believe this, but…’”
Great Stuff, even if it’s all made up.(slight pun)
Sili
tradesilicon: The lawn chair story is indeed a true one!
So, she didn’t see the Winnebago, huh? Hm. Ooooookay!
Check out what Snopes has to say about that lawnchair guy:
BTW: I was recently watching a documentary about hot-air balloons (on the History Channel, IIRC) and they showed yet another guy with helium-filled weather balloon attached to a chair. At least this one had a better idea of what he was doing.
Not Darwin award-worthy perhaps, but I know it’s true.
The mother of one of Mrs. Kunilou’s students was having some problems with pests (I believe cockroaches) so she got herself one of those whole-house carbomate bug bombs. Actually, figuring that because she had a lot of bugs, she bought several of them. She set them off, locked the door behind her and went off to do other things.
Unfortunately, she did not read the directions about extingushing all open flames, include the pilot light on her stove. The resulting explosion completely destroyed several houses and damaged pretty much the entire block.
It was the lead story on the news that night, and my wife just shook her head and said “now I know where it comes from.”