I’m so sorry, who knows, maybe she will fight it. My own mom (81) has had a bad cough/short of breath for the past couple of weeks. She has never smoked and had a chest x-ray that was clear. She’s on antibiotics (I don’t know what for) and slowly starting to feel a little better. It’s so scary.
I’m sending good thoughts for your MIL.
I’m sorry, but not surprised, to hear this diagnosis, based on your description. My heart goes out to you. Please be prepared that she might choose not to fight it, regardless of what she says to you. There’s what we think we should do (and say) and what we really want. If she’s missing her late husband, is feeling that there’s no point in sticking around . . . well, as you recognize, that’s her choice. A rotten situation all around.
{{hugs}}
Forgive the unsolicited advice, but this is a really important conversation to have. And, to make it a little more concrete, consider: that cruise. Does she want to go? Would she be willing (if it were available) to go through some gnarly treatment that would get her temporarily back on her feet long enough to go on that cruise, even if it might shorten her life after? These are the kinds of goals that doctors and nurses sometimes lose sight of, but are (sometimes) totally achievable if that’s what she wants. But unless she or a family member brings it up, they’re more likely to be focused on pain and functional status and if she can walk up and down stairs.
Okay, enough of that. Fuck cancer. I’m so sorry you (and she, of course) have to deal with this. 
I’ve had that symptom, too, when I had pneumonia. I get bronchitis a lot, actually, and I’ve had this a few times. I know the cancer is the main thing, but should she maybe be on antibiotics, too? I don’t know, just wondering if maybe there’s something else to think about, as well. Pneumonia can be hard to beat.
As for the other … I’m sorry. It’s always too soon.
Sorry to hear about your mum-in-law’s diagnosis.
Sorry to hear about this, old friend. Many hugs to you and yours, and my best wishes to ivySIL.
Update, if anyone is still following:
Mum (she’s English) got the results of her PET scan yesterday. Very not good.
Her lungs are lit up. The bottom of her lungs are lit up, but they don’t know if that means there’s cancer in the bottom of the lungs or in the uterus.
The uterus they can remove, but she’d still have cancer in the lungs. Plus, they won’t operate unless and until she gains about 10-15 pounds.
On the way home from the doctor they stopped at a store and Mum picked up a pack of cigarettes. :mad::smack:
Ivylad thinks this will be her last Christmas. I believe (but have not told him) that I don’t think she will make it to Christmas.
I’ve been trying to gently find out about final arrangements, like do we need to start saving to pay for a memorial service (Ivylad thinks Mum has already paid for it) and making sure IvySIL knows where her final papers are.
There was a recent article on Cracked.com about NICU nurses, and it made me wonder, if the doctors really can’t do anything unless and until she gains weight, or if things are so advanced there’s no point, or if they’ve made the decision among themselves not to vigorously pursue a cure.
In any event, I think it’s just a waiting game now. She’s still sleeping a lot.
I’m sooo sorry. My parents are at the stage of things just starting to fall apart. Little things, here and there. You hate having to think about these kinds of eventualities. Love and hugs to you and yours.
I’m sorry to hear about this. You and ivyMIL are in my prayers.
You mention both the Cracked article on NICUs and your MIL’s lung cancer. My cousin was a neonatatologist and head of the NICU, and her husband was a pulmonologist who treated a lot of lung cancer patients. If any of their patients ever went home well, they had a party. They didn’t have a lot of parties.
You have a perfect right to ask the doctors that, and get a clear answer.
Regards,
Shodan
I’m so sorry. I don’t want to say “this sounds like a bit of a blessing” because obviously it’s very hard, but it sounds a bit less awful than my aunt’s lung cancer, which was awful and it was such a relief when she died. It doesn’t sound like she’s in the same agony, at least.
It’s so hard to know how to support your spouse with something like this. My husband was absolutely amazing when my dad died this spring; I didn’t have to ask him, he just handled all the things that I’d have needed him to handle if I’d thought of them, which I didn’t have to.
I’m so very sorry ivylass.
My father died of lung cancer. It had spread to his brain as well, leaving him more or less demented. He did chemo and radiation therapy–not sure if the treatment bought him any time (and with the dementia it was hard to wish for more time) but it sure did make him feel bad. This was 20 some years ago and anti-nausea drugs have improved quite a bit as I understand it.
Lung cancer just well and truly sucks. Hang in there.
I’m sorry. My sister had lung cancer, and came down with ovarian cancer, too, (not lung cancer that had spread). She was so optimistic about her chances that she stopped the lung cancer chemo, had the hysterectomy, and went on a different chemo for ovarian cancer for a bit, then picked up the lung cancer chemo again.
Not all cases are the same, but I’m happy your MIL isn’t having the surgery right away.
My dad smoked throughout his entire bout with lung cancer. It was too late to stop, my mom was already dead, and the doctor said that (for my dad) it wouldn’t make a difference. But I know how frustrating it is.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I’m so sorry at this news. I hope that if she passes the legal ramifications aren’t too complicated or long and drawn out.
If it happens at Christmas don’t let that spoil memories. I once attended the funeral of an aunt on Christmas Eve!
Take care of yourselves, you are going to need strength.
I’m so sorry to see this, Ivylass. I don’t have any consoling words but you and your family are in my thoughts.
Ivylad spoke to his older sister today. The doctor says the cancer is incurable, but they may be able to make it go into remission. It’s apparently in her lungs and ovaries.
If they can make it go into remission, she has 5-10 years. If they can’t she has probably a year.
My big question was if the cancer is this bad, why the blue bloody hell did her doctor not find it sooner?
Answer: She had a PET scan six months ago and it was clean. :eek:
This doctor is claiming stress can make the cancer come out faster and harder, but I’m a bit :dubious: on that.
We’ve started asking about bucket lists, and she said she’d like to spend a week at the beach. Of course, whatever Ivylad needs or wants to do will be done.
He’s having a hard time facing this, considering we went through this about eleven years ago with his dad. I’m sure he’ll get up the courage to go visit her soon (he has his own health issues, which means he can’t pop over there whenever.)
IvySIL is making her eat, to try to get her weight up so they can start treatment.
And, we wait.
This, even if YOU are the only one who doesn’t know (which would seem strange to me based on what you’ve posted so far), is the one thing that is most easily controlled, and can be a major source of stress for everyone if left unresolved. Keep gently inquiring, but be firm, if only for your own peace of mind.
I am so sorry to hear about Mum’s condition, these situations are never easy.
Oh dear. I hadn’t seen this thread until just now. So sorry to hear about your mother-in-law.
I do actually believe the stress: from what I understand, the immune system can help keep cancer from spreading, and high stress could impair the immune system.
My mother died of lung cancer 11 years ago (at age 75, go figure). It was found quite early as an incidental finding on a preoperative chest X-ray (for something unrelated), and they thought it was caught early enough - she had one lung removed. But a bit over a year later it came back. She had no interim treatment because the standards were not to do chemo in that situation - but the standards changed in that year (too late for her though).
She did pretty well for a few months, but then went downhill very quickly.
Confirmed…stage 4 cancer, metastasized to the ovaries.
They put in the port today and she starts chemo on Monday. After a month of chemo they will do another PET scan to see if there’s any improvement. Right now the hope is they can force it into remission.
She still wants to go on the cruise so this is what we’re aiming for…a little more time. The doctors have said if at any time she wants to stop, treatment will stop.
She’s not in pain, but she is sleeping about 18 hours a day. She has gained a pound. She gave up her car keys and says she’s stopped smoking. She may have a few lying around that she’s sneaking, but she can’t go to the store to buy more.
IANA Doctor, but I’ve lived through this movie.
This latest effort is probably way too little way too late. The fact it wasn’t there to be seen on a 6 month old PET scan is not an encouraging sign.
Bottom line: trim the bucket list to a few items and get crackin’ on 'em because this has lots of ways to get bad quickly and few ways to improve markedly.
Best of luck; this won’t be easy for anyone involved.