You wouldn’t be having these problems in the first place if you’d bought a Mac like I told you to.
Hmm, what have we here? Dead Dopers. Well. Best take care of that before any of the mods see.
:: revives pinkfreud, Nic2004, Ponder Stibbons, and Strinka ::
Now, as to Inigo Montoya’s problem. :: looks over the problem area ::
Well, here’s your problem. You need to change this here. :: fiddles ::
And reconnect these two. :: tweaks ::
And then reinitialize. :: adjusts ::
There you go, good as new. You’ll get my bill in the mail. 
But it’s not supposed to do THAT!
That’s not a bug…it’s a feature.
Try reversing the polarity.
Does it have any wang in it?
Inigo Montoya,you killed me and Nic2004 and Ponder Stibbons and Strinka. Prepare to die. 
Have any of you tried looking at the directions? It’s right here.
For to operate most efficioently insert 2 AA batteries as shown in the accompanient illustration, caring to insert them in the appropriate fashion. Then commence by pressing lightly button maked “A” on accompanient illustration. Thencewise pressing Up/Down button upwardly or downwardly as need fits. Being so careful not to press up/down button both upwardly and downwardly at time period simultaneous. Conclude by pressing switch in anticlockwise rotation.
But don’t cross the streams.
… I got better.
You need to rub it with oil.
No, no, not like that! Here, use the hydrospanner…
You can’t get Outlook to open?
Sorry, but it is policy that we don’t take requests over the phone.
Send an email to blackhole@techsupport.com and we’ll issue a work order.
MOVE!!
I’m sure that you have already read and memorized the owners manual and tried all their “troubleshooting” options.
My guess is you will have to make a direct call (no 800 number here) to the tech support in India. Good luck.
If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you tried.
Put some hair around it! [/drunk]
If it can’t be fixed with WD-40, duct tape, and/or a good swift kick, you’re own your own.
You didn’t save the receipt, did you?
No, no, no, no…You don’t even need that .
What you really need is a Super Hypertubinator!! That will fix all of your problems!!