:three piece suit consultant enters:
“See, I told you this would happen if you formed a commitee to help find the problem! You need to hire a professional if you really want to get things screwed up.”
(“Sorry, no, my specialty is locating diamonds which have been mysteriously caught in suspension …”)
:hands $20,000 invoice to OP:
:three piece suit consultant walks out with check, trying not to smirk: 
Abort/retry/fail?
I stopped payment on the check.
Now we have two problems.
Have you tried, maybe, realigning your interocitor?
Possibly a stupid question, but, uh, did anyone remember to plug it in?
I can’t reach from here or you know I’d do it myself.
And by the way, why does that little bell keep ringing?
Oh, that? That’s just the Idiot Detector.
Well, shut it OFF! It’s been ringing for DAYS now!
It’s how we can tell that it’s plugged in.
Please just reformat and reload, it will be fine. What do you mean the cup holder is also not working? What cup holder? Oh No!!!
Sometimes it just takes a good hard thwack in the side to get it going again. Here…lemme see this thing…
THWACK
zzzzt sizzle :: random sparks :: pop!
Errrr…it was like that when I got here.
:: slowly backs out of thread ::
Twist the blue wire back on itself, line up the tubes (what are you doing with a machine so old?), realign the capacitors, position the monitor in an upright position, and flick the switch on the back. There! Now you have a 1920’s Style “Death-Ray!” I know that isn’t what you want, so reverse the procedure. Then, take a .22 caliber bullet, place it where the fuse goes, and rewire the emergency light to shine at a lower wattage.
BANG
:eek:
Sorry about your window. And your leg. You should see a doctor about that.
:mad:
Hey, you asked for help! It’s your fault!
Just remember: If anyone asks, a wizard did it.
Almost gooder’n new. Does anyone have a 1.21 jigowatt generator?
Try saying “jigowatt generator” five times fast.
Well, if you want that story to sound legit, somebody better whiz on it, then.
NO! Everyone knows you Don’t! Whiz! On! The! Electric! Fence!
It’s been working fine all along. You just don’t understand. You just need to try to put yourself in its shoes. How would you feel? Slaving away all this time, with no acknowledgement whatsoever. You heartless bastard. {crying…}
[sub]Oh, yeah, sorry for killing all those people.[/sub]
I say you take off and nuke the thing from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
I bet you wish you’d sprung for that extended warranty now, huh?
And “they” say it’s a waste of money. Hmph.
All of that works better if you reroute the power through the deflector dish.