This guy was too out of it to play poker

We’ve had discussions before of poker players who make poor plays. But this story takes the grand prize.

So there I was ™, out with ScubaBigBro last night at a friendly game of Texas Hold-Em. The host “N” had invited his neighbor “F” to join the game. Over the course of the evening, F’s behavior suggested that he knew very little about playing poker. His main issues were not playing close attention to the game – we had to keep reminding him when it was his turn to bet – and holding his cards underneath the table, far away from his body. In fact, the players next to F (who were N and ScubaBigBro) periodically told F that they could see his cards. Other people observed that F had been drinking a lot of hard booze during the evening.

After a few hours, I had a fairly large pile of chips, and I was dealt Q9 of Hearts. That’s a halfway decent hand, so I bet moderately. Two other people stayed in: F and one other. (There may have been others, but they dropped out of the hand later on). The flop showed AK of Spades and an odd club. OK, three to a straight, I’m still in, and so are the other two people. The turn was 10 of Spades. Now there was inevitable chatter about a possible Royal Flush. (Note for non poker players: A Royal Flush is the highest ranking poker hand, consisting of AKQJ10 of the same suit. The odds of being dealt a Royal Flush are about once in the combined lifetimes of the players present.) I’m now looking at four to a straight, so I stay in, as do the other two people.

And on the river: Jack of Spades, four to a Royal Flush showing on the board. Now people start talking specifically about what if someone held the Queen of Spades. The other person and I both bet quite a bit, and F folds. I admit to holding a Queen, although off-suit. The other person shows their hand – two small spades, beating me with their flush. Oh well, that’s the way the game’s played.

Then N admits to having seen F’s cards earlier in the hand, and flips up F’s folded hand. F held a junk card, and the missing Queen of Spades. That’s right people, after everybody’s chatter about a possible uber-monster hand, and naming the exact card to claim it, F was so inattentive and/or drunk that HE FOLDED A MADE ROYAL FLUSH!!! :smack: :smack:

The consensus opinion was that being drunk, inexperienced, and/or simply not paying attention was no excuse for folding the one card that everybody was hoping out loud to see.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the evidence clearly shows that the defendant was too out of it to play poker for any stakes whatsoever. The prosecution rests.

My buddy has a rule, which I call “Pete’s Rule of Poker”: ‘You can drink, and you can play cards. But you can’t drink and play cards.’

That Pete, he’s a wise, wise man. And a SOB for constantly taking my money.

I’ve since switched to cigars 'nstead of whiskey. It still doesn’t help though. . . :mad:

I’ll be telling that story at my next tournament … what a maroon! How much was the buy-in for that game?

One of the regulars at my tournaments is this guy Mike who thinks he knows everything about Texas Hold 'Em, and will often give people shit if they don’t play a hand the way he thinks they should have. So sometimes I do “dumb” things just to piss him off (like calling when he’s gone all in and then winning the hand … heh). This past Friday we’d had a lot of flops with a 7 and a 2, to the point where a few people made jokes about betting on those cards. Soon after the jokes I got dealt a 7 and a 2, and even though someone raised to 50 I called so I could see the flop. I had to! :wink: Of course I folded before the turn, and at the end of the hand when I said what I’d had and why I called I got a big laugh from the table … but Mike nearly had a fit. Then the very next hand I had pocket kings, but didn’t bet – I just kept checking, and eventually won the hand. (Which is my bad, really: I’ve been playing for about 4 months and almost never bet, even when I should.) I thought Mike’s head was going to explode. :smiley:

FWIW we drink while we play, but usually no more than 2-3 beers each (we play at work on Friday afternoons).

I wholeheartedly disagree. You most definitely can drink and play cards. But if you’re drunk to the point where you shouldn’t be driving, the quality of your play is certain to be impacted.

Could you invite me to your next game? I love playing with people who make big bets with straights when there are four to the flush on the board.

Hi Misnomer… the buy-in was $10. And at the time of the stupid play, F was on his second batch of chips.

I like your story; messing with someone’s head – and winning chips in the bargain – is fun. Keep it up.

Hi Otto… I’d pass your request along, but it’s a bit far from Wisconsin to here for a low stakes game.

I had a corollary to that rule when I still played the game. Whenever a drunk sat down to play at a game I was in, I cashed in even though I was a part-time drunk myself. Poker isn’t just about who has the best cards, there is also a psycology that a drunk completely messes up.