This is new. Bad, bad, bad Beck decides she needs a life coach

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yep.

I’m thinking those thoughts again.
In fact I may need a team of life coach’s.

I’m not really successful in life.
Bad decisions and Bad choices have hung around me for a l----o----n----g time.

  1. All animals wild, feral or domesticated take advantage of me. If a large moose walked up I’d give him room and board.

  2. My adult children think nothing of borrowing (?) my debit or credit card. Or just purloining (love that word) all my cash.

  3. Mr. Wrekker usually just tells me where he’ll be on the way out of the door. Never a discussion. Just leaves. He might wave bye-bye at the grandwrex.

  4. The Li’l-wrekker might fancy herself my life coach, dujour. She’s not trying to coach me to my advantage. She’s trying to make her life easier. I’m not sure that counts.

  5. All my medical stuff is thrust upon me. Due to the fact it’s freakin’ necessary. But still…

Any one of you want a good job. I’ll pay well. Or you can just tell Son-of-a-wrek he’ll find the petty cash jar and give you money.
You’ll eat well. My grocery bill monthly looks like we eat like the Rockafellows. I’m just so tired of caviar.
I’ll apologize ahead of time for my Siamese cats. Expect little gifts on your pillow at night. For a few days.

The ideal candidate will be able to live-in. Have thick skin. And know crossword clues when I get stuck. Be able to run get me Corndogs or Tacos.
Oh, and enjoy the Andy Griffith show.

Yep that oughta be all I’ll need.*

Thanks for your interest.

(*All of this maybe vetoed and changed w/o prior warning.)
Send your resumes and phone numbers🤗.

Have a nice day!

2

I’ve been considering a career change, and don’t mind cats, dogs, stanky children, or possums. Where do I sign up for an interview?

3

Can you match socks to shirts? The Li’l-wrekker is a Nazi about matching.

4

Are you open to having a large moose as a life coach?

5

Hey…you give me ideas

6

Heck, yes, it’s super-easy. Everyone gets assigned one color, and all of their clothing is that color. How does the Li’l Wrekker feel about red?

7

I just asked her.
She said to tell you she’s better in ‘cool’ colors. Not ‘cool’ like popular. ‘Cool’ as opposed to ‘warm’ colors.

So no, Red won’t do for her.

She said she’d take a meeting with you and get this all straightened out.

8

We’ll get her in a blue shade, then. Done deal. :smiley:

9

She likes the idea of shopping for all new blue clothing.
Go ahead give her the credit card.

That was easy, wasn’t it.:face_with_hand_over_mouth:

10

See, I’m totally on the job already.

11

Watch for Son-of-a-wrek. He’s a master at getting my debit card, on a whim.
He’ll smooth convince you it’s the easiest smartest thing to do.

He’s been wanting a keg-erator for a couple years. So I have to watch him.

12

Hell, I’d like a keg-erator. Just tell him that he won’t be allowed to put “canoe beer”* in it, it has to be something with some quality to it.

*Spoilered because it has a bad word in it:

Q: Why is American beer like sex in a canoe? A: Because it’s fucking close to water.

13

Oh, when beer is in question,only the best will do. No Natty or the Beast.

Funny joke.:face_with_hand_over_mouth:

14

I like this guy already.

Also, “Natty or the Beast” would be a great name for a band.

15

Oh no.
You’ve slid into the dark side.

Son needs a life coach as well.
But he has a wife.

16

Once she sees improvement in her spouse, she’ll totally be buying into the program.

17

You don’t need a Life Coach.

Hell, if you were looking for employment, you could BE a Life Coach.

I’ll give you the ten-dollar, sixty-second Life Philosophy created by my father.

Ready?

“Piss on 'em!”

Instead of trying to make every-single-body happy at your own expense, you just apply “Piss on 'em.”

You have given to your family everything. Well, your body is worn, and it’s time for you to retire from being “The Fixer of All Things Bad.” Sit back on your laurels, you’ve got a huge pile of them now, and let them cater to YOU.

I don’t know if laurels are comfortable. I imagine they might be full of pointed leaves and sticks that poke. Feel free to substitute the most comfortable chair in the house, instead. Make sure you have a foot stool. Covering yourself with a cuddly blanket is optional.

And repeat after me: Piss on 'em!

~VOW

18

Yeah, she’s fixin’ to be real busy with babies.

19

Whenever I hear the term “rest on your laurels,” I picture sitting on this guy’s lap. (Yes, I’m weird.)