Beckdawrek and the bad bad bad problem. (Or can Dopers really help?)

I’m …I’m…ummm…distraught.
For some reason my life has failed to fulfill me.
Things have taken a rude left turn.

Let me explain.
I’m sick, you guys. Really ill. My body is falling apart.
My baby is fixin’ to move into her adult life.
My children don’t really need me.
My husband is fixin’ to travel.
My pets love me (well, the jury is still out on the Siamese cats) but it’s not enough.
Is this a phase? Or is it unique to my life. I feel invisible. And I feel put upon by onlookers. At the same time.

On top of that, my brain ain’t acting right. I think I’m saying one thing and another comes out of my mouth. I know there’s is a level of a dementia-type thing with later life diabetes. My doctor says so, anyway. I’m not sure but I think I’m experiencing some of this.

So here I sit. Am I losing this game called ‘life?’

I’m scared.
I don’t know where to look for help.
My family are in my face 24/7
Yet I feel alone.
Is this really a problem? Or am I looking for it to be a problem?

Help me, dear Dopers.
You’re my only hope.

beck…the weird. Just marking time.

Wow. I’m not good at finding fixes. In your situation I’d be turning to drugs and alcohol, but that probably wouldn’t be healthy for you. Damn.

Somebody smart will come along.

Are you able to do something for others? Local animal shelter? Sometimes that helps.

Does it help to know that you might be the most popular member of this forum?

okay,Beck… so let’s talk 'bout stuff that ain’t acting right::…
Your glucose ain’t acting right… I know, 'cause I got the same problem)
Your 'meezers ain’t acting right. … I know, 'cause I got the same problem.
But your brain’s acting just fine. . I know, 'cause I read your posts.

Well, yeah…on this one, I can’t deny it–you’ve got me stumped. You’re a bit like a ghost— I ain’t never seen ya, this being a text-only website, ya know…
But I think I know kinda what you would look like if you were visible. You’re taller than average. And your breath smells like corn dogs.

And that’s about all I know. …
Except for that fact you’re real visible to several hundred folks around here
That big B-on-a-bottlecap icon stands out, so we know which thread to click on first.

So keep on postin’.
'Cause we like having you around.

*’ oh,and about them meezers: i lied. Actually, I only have one. the other’s a calico. And they don’t jump up on the ceiling rafters. 'Cause in my house there aren’t any.

No, you’re not. Maybe talk to a professional? And of course vent here, it can’t hurt.

Except for the illness part, yes, it’s a standard phase for women.

For 20-something years you’ve defined yourself by service to your family, both spouse & offspring, plus all the hangers-on. Inevitably the kids are gonna grow up. They call it:

Inevitably your spouse is gonna retire or go part time or something. And however they spent their time before, it’ll be different and disorienting now. That’s another major stressor.

Feeling as if you’re nothing but a janitor to everyone else’s needs (including the critters’ needs) is very, very common. And when you wail “But what about me? When is it my turn?”, everyone around you is so used to thinking of you as the indestructible indomitable janitor that it just doesn’t register that they’re the ones who need to do some giving.

A very lonely and scary spot to be in. You suffering ill health on top of this makes it all the harder.

Besides a hug and sympathy here, there’s not much concrete that I can do for you. But I can tell you you’re very far from alone in this situation. So of all the big rocks in your backpack, at least take that one out and leave it by the roadside as you keep trudging forward.

Switching from being the universal supporter to someone being supported is hard. And is a long journey. But it begins with recognizing the need for the journey, then identifying the destination. Which we’re helping you do here today. Then comes that first step.

Good luck!! We’ll be here to help when you stumble. Which you inevitably will. You’re only human after all. Just like us.

Beck, I don’t know what to say except for a couple of things. Keep posting, I love reading your stuff.

And if that doesn’t help, talk to a professional. Or your doctor, and tell her/him what you wrote in the OP. Your meds could be causing this.

Above all, though, remember we care about you, and are listening.

I have regular monthly visits with the counsellor at the diabetic clinic. It’s required. Usually he spouts out platitudes. But he’s really nice. I think I will tell him.

Thank you all for suggestions.
@LSLGuy your post was extremely helpful.
In the stark light of morning I feel much better. Ain’t that always the way?
I only called my oldest grandson the wrong name once this morning.:grin:
He didn’t care. He just said “Oh, Nana you know who I am”
Out of the mouth of babes!
Or Dopers, for that matter.

Love you guys to pieces.

Things do tend to seem darkest in the middle of the night. This past year has sucked for everyone, but you’ve gotten a double or triple helping of trouble.

There are lots of wise words above, and I don’t have a lot more wisdom to provide, other than reminding you that your family loves you and needs you, and you have a bunch of friends here, as well. Things change, and it feels like the changes are for the worse sometimes, but there are good things there, too.



(I woulda said TOGA PARTY! but I know how fussy you are about your linens)

Dude, you crack me up.
I love a good road trip but Gas station food gives me a tummy ache.

Perhaps it’s time for an extended family vacation? A change of routine and location lifts my dark moods.

Maybe by the Fall it’ll be reasonably safe to travel. Vaccinations are already making a difference.

Beck has an extended family. It’s all of us on the Dope, especially on MPSIMS. Keep sharing.

Beck, I feel your anxiety. I’m experiencing something similar at the moment and can only commiserate. There is good advice above, I think you need something to keep you busy and fulfilled. It could be volunteering at the animal shelter, taking up beekeeping, learning a new skill… something.
Personally, I am grateful you have chosen to share a small part of your life here, I hope you continue to do so. Keep fighting, it’s all we can do.

It’s her family that is the problem.

We love you

I can relate to some of that myself. In my case, perimenopausal brain fog, low employment, and until recently a ton of anxiety from an unsafe living situation which I have now remedied. Then much more recently some serious health setbacks, just when I thought I was out of the woods. Not going to steal your thunder with those details, but your cry into the silent depths of despair caught at my heart strings…


  • another rebecca

Beck, I’m no sage, but seems to me the biggest struggle you have–it seems to me, from my distant perch–is coming to terms with the physiological issues you’re constantly dealing with. Your body isn’t functioning as it should, and there’s a lot of uncertainty and some pretty scary consequences associated with that. That all requires due deliberation and some good guidance from people who’ve gone that direction or at least have studied the route. I think the diabetes counselor is an excellent place to start.

You have a tremendous gifts. You can find humor in almost any situation, and you can find reasons for joy almost anywhere. I know those will stand you in good stead. So will all the people who love you.

Sending you good thoughts and much appreciation from here.

I’m sorry for your troubles and concerns. You’ve been a warm source of comfort and help to me these past few years as my body broke, throughout my stays in the nursing home and my operations, and as I had to adapt to a drastically less mobile life. I don’t know if I can do the same for you, but I’ll try.

I don’t completely understand your situation. I won’t give you advice that you already know, I’ll simply remind you of a few things. First, remember to address each situation individually. Try not to let everything overwhelm you at once.

You’ll ALWAYS have an important role in your children’s lives. My mother, batshit though she could be at times, was a constant source of comfort and support for my sister and I throughout her life. Having done a good job in raising them, your children now seek their own, independent lives, just as you did. Now it’s time to indulge your interests, hobbies, etc.

Barring sudden death, we all reach a point where our bodies begin to fail us in one manner or another. We must make adjustments in our lives and find new ways to go about our daily tasks and new ways to enjoy life. It seems to me you’ve had a full life - husband, children, a warm home with a bunch of critters. Allow those memories to warm and comfort you, to remind you of what you’ve done, what you CAN do.

Your life is changing. It can be upsetting, disappointing, and scary, but change is inevitable. Think of all the things you’ve done in your life. You’ve faced the new and scary before, overcome it, and even found joy and happiness scattered in amongst it all.

If you can, talk to someone about your concerns. I think there’s only so much a wall of text on a message board can do for you. Sometimes we just need to get it all out, and to know someone else hears us and cares. It can lift a weight from us, and allow us to carry on.

Take care. You have a lot of friends here.

It sounds like you have a loving family, not the least the grandchildren, but slipping into a depression, when you are seriously ill with no relief in sight, isn’t shameful.
Talk with somebody. Does the hospital have a counsellor? And share with us if that helps.