This is the story that sent the kid to jail. . .

I posted this in the BBQ pit. Just in case you’re someone who doesn’t go there, here it is.

Now, as you read it, keep this in mind as you look at the awful grammar, punctuation, and misspellings–**the kid was given an A<\b>.

My flashlight went out and I heard someone right behind me and I turned in a very slowly scared way and boom the lights came on and the door bell rang. I walked very slowly and creepy and turned the knob ding dong the door bell went again. I said just a minute and I will be right there and I looked through the little hole in the door and Robin said Boo. I told him to come in and have a seat and we both wated and wated for Ismael because he was supposed to bring the (ounce) so we could get high but half an hour later still no Ismael so I got the idea of freeon and we grabbed a bag and a knife and ran out back to the airconditionar. We througth the bag over the nostle and covered it tightly and used the knife to press the volv. We started to hear something after we got high so we ditched everything we quickly run to the door to see who it was and there wasn’t anybody there then we heard someone at the back door to see who it was I thought it was a crook so I busted out with a 12 guage and Ismael busted out with 9 mm and we step off the porch and this bloody body droped down in front of us and scared us half to death and about 20 kids started cracking up and pissed me off so I shot Matt, Jake, and Ben started laughing so hard that I acssedently shot Mrs. Henry. Ismael saw somebody steeling antifreeze so Ismael shot over ther near the airconditonar and hit somebody (indecipherable word) also scattered out and went home and my mom drove up and everything was back to normal but they didn’t have any heads.

I think the teacher should have been arrested.

The only way to rid yourself of temptation is to yield to it–Oscar Wilde

“They didn’t have any heads!”

My god! I LOVE it!

Screw the spelling and punctuation; anybody can learn spelling and punctuation. This lad has IT!

And as I responded elsewhere:

They gave that an A?!?!?

I wrote better than that in the fourth grade!!!

Yer pal,

  • At the risk of getting my ass flamed off once more… *

I thought I recognised that style of writing, but then it occurred to me that the guy I was thinking about is in Iceland instead of Texas…


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

That’s it? That’s the story that caused the big fuss? Don’t they have anything better to do in Ponder, Texas?

Modest? You bet I’m modest! I am the queen of modesty!

Well, I am now positive a blind monkey has a chance at Valedictorian in this little burg.

Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

According to this morning’s paper, he didn’t get an A – that was just a bit of exaggeration that got passed down the grapevine. It wasn’t a graded assignment at all. (Sorry to spoil the fun …)

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”

  • Bill Watterson

I’m glad you cleared that up–the Drudge report link said he got a 100 on the paper. My daughter and I concluded that the teacher gave the grade based on the amount of pencil lead on the paper–no one could read that drivel and give an A to a 7th grader!

Does this finally disprove the 100 monkeys/100 typwriters/100 years/Shakespeare theory? If this is all the better a 13 yr. old can write, it’s gonna take a whole lot more than that.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.


A perusal of the various news clippings implied that the mother was the one who said he had received an “A,” but there was no mention of an official class grade–only that he had been given “extra credit” to read it aloud.

And it’s still awful.