DeathLlama and I teach middle school (different schools and districts). Some look at our kids and the endless moments of stupidity and attitude and think we’re insane; we look at our kids and the endless moments of idiocy and resulting entertainment and know we’re insane–but enjoyably so. I love 6th graders, I really do. They’re just effin’ hilarious.
DeathLlama jokes we all have our turn at the stupid booth. We go up, get smacked with the stupid mallet, and move on. Eventually we return to the line to await another turn at the booth; middle schoolers–particularly the boys–are perpetually in this line.
Some highlights of the year:
Boy is chewing gum in class, a huge no-no. He is reprimanded and ordered to spit it out, then given the mandatory gum detention form. We go to brunch. He comes back to class CHEWING GUM AGAIN. I actually say, with great incredulity, “Are you actually chewing gum AGAIN?? Seriously?? What, do you LIKE detention??” His classmates giggled, and I had to keep from busting out in laughter myself. He was very embarrassed and red-faced, although that might have been from getting hit so hard with the stupid mallet. Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
From DeathLlama: Boy insists to his gym teacher that someone stole his lock. PE teacher asks if he just didn’t leave it unlocked (they are confiscated when that happens). Boy insists, over and over, “No no no, I locked it!” Teacher goes to the pile of confiscated locks (which are closed to keep them from becoming entangled), holds up the boy’s and asks, “Is this your lock?” The boy, feeling justified, “YES! See, I told you I locked it!” Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
ON A PAPER HE TURNS IN about choosing a career and what steps to follow, boy writes “slut” in the center of the brainstorm bubble, then is red-faced with a Stupid Mallet print when called on it. What, you didn’t think I’d notice it?? Derrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
Boy (noticing a pattern here??), in the middle of class, holds up a paper to his friend who giggles. I ask that he bring it to me. He plays like he’s been hit too hard with the stupid mallet…“What paper? What? I don’t know, I was just, erm um derrr…” He finally brings it to me, where he’s written “Mrs. Ruffian sucks dick.” Inside I think…“Occasionally. And pretty darn well, I might add.” Outside I have to write him up on a referral. What, he doesn’t think I’d notice him flagging down his friend that blatantly in class??? Derrrrrrrrrr…
Oh my goodness, I could go on, but those were my favorite moments. Don’t get me wrong, the girls are rough too–but they aren’t so much in line at the Stupid Booth as the Nasty Booth. They can be very vicious to their friends. Given a choice, I prefer idiocy to cruelty. Their referrals usually have something to do with the contents of their notes that I either confiscate or discover left on desks (that probably counts as a moment in the stupid booth, too).
There are plenty more moments like these–most common is the catch-them-red-handed-doing-something-dumb (make inappropriate gestures, throw something, etc.) and they act like you have been hit so hard with the stupid mallet you were struck blind. “I was just handing it to him” or “I was just waving my fingers around…” Mmm-hmm. Yeah. sigh
Thanks for the laugh; now get back in line, kiddo, and I’ll see you in September.