I’m not good with funnels, or opening my throat up to down a beer in less than a second. What I OWN is endurance chugging. My favorite show off routine in college was playing kings/circle of kings, whatever it’s called. When I pulled the ‘social’ or ‘waterfall card’ (in a circle, you have to drink until the person to your right stopped). I would open up 3 or 4 cans of beer and chug until everyone else bitched out.
I’ve only done a kegstands a few times post-college, but I usually get into the 100 seconds category. Why am I good at it compared to funnels? In funnels you have to open up your throat. In keg stands, since you are upside down, you have to swallow at a rate proportional to the amount of beer that is flowing into your mouth. If the beer in your mouth is filling up more than you can swallow, you’ll gag as your throat attempts to swallow too much that it can handle, you gag a small amount, and you’re done, cause you’ll freak and spit it out. The most important things are to breath through your nose, be relaxed, and ignore everything else that’s going on, BE ONE WITH THE BEER if you may.
Another trick? Make sure the person who holds the pump in your mouth knows to let the head out for the first second before you start drinking, head sucks.
How do you improve? Drink ALOT. I was in a frat at college. I drank almost every night, binge drank about 3 to 4 nights a week. Playing beirut (beerpong) helped, since we had a rule where you had to finish your beer before you shot, and I liked to play a fast moving game. I was also VERY good at beirut, so I usually would have an additional beer on the side I would occasionally chug to psych them out (“GOD I’m sooo thirsty from not having to drink in this game for so long…”)
Focus on endurance chugging, just keep on chugging and chugging and chugging on a beer until it’s done (if you can’t chug a beer without pausing (you can go as slow as you want) then you shouldn’t attempt a keg stand. Start with room temperature beer, and work your way up to cold beer (chugging cold beer gives the same feel as when you’re swallowing too much to handle.)
When should you try again? If you can chug 2 or 3 beers at a shot, then you are probably doing it fast enough to handle a keg stand. When you are done showing off your insane drinking skillz, the dismount is just as important as the event. If you finish chugging that 3 hour massive kegstand, you’re going to be a little lightheaded and might want to throw up some of that extra baggage. It’s important to hold it in, or give the appearance that you held it in! High five some people, make fun of that guy who tried to do an 11-second keg stand, steal his wallet, and say you have to go piss out all that beer you just drank. Then puke your guts out if need be. Don’t try another keg stand, you’re done for the night, because you’ll be lucky if you can handle about 1/5 of the time you did before.
When should you quit? Sometimes it’s good to quit while your ahead. If the guy 5 minutes ago that is bragging chugged for 50 seconds, chug for 65, then stop. Sure you know you can go for 105 seconds, but you’ll get pretty messed up drinking that much. The girls will be jumping all over you chanting your name, but you’ll be too wasted to seal any deal. The idea is to stay sober (drunk) enough to still stay in control of the evening, and most importantly, have FUN.
