This is why I wish I went to a party school

Last Saturday, I was finally fortunate enough to find an open house party with a keg instead of just lame mixed punch drinks. “Woohoo,” I thought, “finally some cheep beer!” About 2 upiquitous red Dixie cups into the party, a group of guys flipped another guy over for a keg stand. Now, I’d seen it done numerous times in my drinking youth, but not since I was 16. They started counting the seconds he chugged away on the hose. Now THAT, I’d never seen or heard of. He got to twenty-two before half-choking and dismounting. I figured that’s not so hard. Hell, I drink regularly, I could get to at least 18 and make a decent showing. I tap some guys on the shoulder, who take the hint and flip me over. 8! 9! 10! 11! Gag gag gag. Pitiful! The other guy laughed at me. Everyone else shook their head in dismay. My girlfriend slapped me and left with some other guy who got over 20. Then some dude punched me in the face and stole my wallet and car. No one tried to stop him or even felt bad for me- not for the 11-seconder. A priest came by and said I was damned to hell, quoting from the holy book “12 shall be the number of the keg stand, and the number of the keg stand shall be 12. Maybe more, but certainly not less.”

I left in disgrace. Dopers, help. What’s the best way to do a keg stand? I was done in my the volume entering my mouth. It was too fast to swallow.

I don’t think I’ve ever personally witnessed a keg-stand. And I went to an SEC school.

I would guess, though, that the key would be to get the kegmaster not to pump up too much pressure in the thing, so that the beer wouldn’t come out so fast. Swallowing liquid while upside-down, having to force it up your esophagus by peristalsis, doesn’t strike me as a high-volume activity.

Well it’s not so much about that as it is the head rush you get from being drunk and upside-down. Second, your esophagus doesn’t have to do much…the pressure from the keg will get it up there easily enough.

And they were right to do it. You are a horrible person and should be shunned by all decent members of society.

Why not start with a beer bong and a few beers, right side up, and work your way up to upside-down keg standing?

Tell me about it. So, I take it his banning is a foregone conclusion, correct?

Just to throw this in - I did a kegstand at my wedding. Several, actually. We had a line for them. It was great fun.

Now, if you want to get better at it, do as the posters above me have said and get a beer bong. Don’t go buy one, make it, because that’s more fun. The more duct tape holding the outside together, the better. Also, make sure it can hold a few beers. Start with one. Do it for a bit. Then, work up some courage and attack two. After you get 3-4 beers down each time, you should be good to go. If you are really desperate to learn to do it, but don’t want the embarrassment of trying it in front of everyone at the party again, do like this guy (image) and get you a keg to use at home. Of course, that is a pretty expensive option, but I promise it will be fun!

Brendon Small

I went to a party school. Used to be in The Princeton Review’s top 5. Now it doesn’t even make the list.

And we didn’t even have kegs on campus. We had to make due with thousands of cans. Every Thursday we would have truck pull up to the fraternity house with a standard pallet full of beer. By Sunday morning the campus was littered with spent Schlitz and Molsen Ice cans and plastic cups (to be promptly cleaned by pledges first thing).

We couldn’t do keg stands with no kegs, but we did plenty of funnels (beer bongs) and played a shitload of Asshole and Beruit (sometimes known as Beer Pong).

Hell, I did one at my mom’s wake (in between rounds of jello shots!)

In school, I once got 7 kegs and 6 cases of 1 liter booze bottles into a 1980 Dodge Colt. Totally collapsed the suspension on the way home. Rear tires were scraping the fender-wells over the smallest of bumps.

Good times! :smiley:

Well, there is no occasion where kegstands are not appropriate…

Brendon Small

I have yet to do a kegstand, and I only have one year of college left. Aaaaaaahhhh!!!

[Jeff Foxworthy]
If yoo’ve ever attended a WEH-DING where people were doin’ kegstands. . .

Anyway. . .no advice. I never did one. I was never a good chugger. Some people seem to be able to open their throat, and just let liquid flow. I need to actively swallow everything.

I could do a funnel, but I couldn’t even shotgun well.

Irish much?

Beruit, played with anything but a quarter is beer pong… and a game for pussies. :cool:

Besides, what self respecting fraternity house has a box of ping pong balls (unless you’ve suitably unrespectable girls around that can utilize such things. :D) I’ve seen quarters do things on top of a keg cup that the physics department still can’t explain.

I’m not good with funnels, or opening my throat up to down a beer in less than a second. What I OWN is endurance chugging. My favorite show off routine in college was playing kings/circle of kings, whatever it’s called. When I pulled the ‘social’ or ‘waterfall card’ (in a circle, you have to drink until the person to your right stopped). I would open up 3 or 4 cans of beer and chug until everyone else bitched out.

I’ve only done a kegstands a few times post-college, but I usually get into the 100 seconds category. Why am I good at it compared to funnels? In funnels you have to open up your throat. In keg stands, since you are upside down, you have to swallow at a rate proportional to the amount of beer that is flowing into your mouth. If the beer in your mouth is filling up more than you can swallow, you’ll gag as your throat attempts to swallow too much that it can handle, you gag a small amount, and you’re done, cause you’ll freak and spit it out. The most important things are to breath through your nose, be relaxed, and ignore everything else that’s going on, BE ONE WITH THE BEER if you may.

Another trick? Make sure the person who holds the pump in your mouth knows to let the head out for the first second before you start drinking, head sucks.

How do you improve? Drink ALOT. I was in a frat at college. I drank almost every night, binge drank about 3 to 4 nights a week. Playing beirut (beerpong) helped, since we had a rule where you had to finish your beer before you shot, and I liked to play a fast moving game. I was also VERY good at beirut, so I usually would have an additional beer on the side I would occasionally chug to psych them out (“GOD I’m sooo thirsty from not having to drink in this game for so long…”)

Focus on endurance chugging, just keep on chugging and chugging and chugging on a beer until it’s done (if you can’t chug a beer without pausing (you can go as slow as you want) then you shouldn’t attempt a keg stand. Start with room temperature beer, and work your way up to cold beer (chugging cold beer gives the same feel as when you’re swallowing too much to handle.)

When should you try again? If you can chug 2 or 3 beers at a shot, then you are probably doing it fast enough to handle a keg stand. When you are done showing off your insane drinking skillz, the dismount is just as important as the event. If you finish chugging that 3 hour massive kegstand, you’re going to be a little lightheaded and might want to throw up some of that extra baggage. It’s important to hold it in, or give the appearance that you held it in! High five some people, make fun of that guy who tried to do an 11-second keg stand, steal his wallet, and say you have to go piss out all that beer you just drank. Then puke your guts out if need be. Don’t try another keg stand, you’re done for the night, because you’ll be lucky if you can handle about 1/5 of the time you did before.

When should you quit? Sometimes it’s good to quit while your ahead. If the guy 5 minutes ago that is bragging chugged for 50 seconds, chug for 65, then stop. Sure you know you can go for 105 seconds, but you’ll get pretty messed up drinking that much. The girls will be jumping all over you chanting your name, but you’ll be too wasted to seal any deal. The idea is to stay sober (drunk) enough to still stay in control of the evening, and most importantly, have FUN.

Flippy cup and drinking Jenga should also be considered.

I must know why. The rest of the story?

The rest of the drinking community would seem to disagree with you:

Some people use the names interchangeably, however I generally consider without paddles = Beruit, with paddles = Beer Pong.

Um…fraternities that play a shitload of Beruit or Beer Pong which would be just about every one I’ve ever been to.

No story really. During my sophomore year, it was announced that for insurance reasons, kegs were not allowed on campus. From that point on, fraternities could only serve cans of beer at parties. Our fraternity parties were pretty much what you see in Animal House or PCU. Thirty or so guys live in one of thirty or so houses. Each house has a big “party room” which is essentially just a big room with a bar, a drain in the floor, a sound system and some junk decorating the walls. Basically, “frat parties” were set up like a typical bar that gave out free alchohol.

The school didn’t ban parties outright, they just make more restrictive rules each year until throwing fraternity party became too much of a hassle.

Flip cup is fun. We’d play quarters too. Three-man, Mexican (essenitally similar to the Liars Dice game Davy Jones played in Pirates of the Caribbean. I’ve only ever seen this played at my school and in the movie Beerfest), Kings, pretty much whatever.

Beruit was taken very seriously though.